Harry Potter and The Ghost Re-Animated
by BiGDeal
Summary: Based roughly in Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts after his disciplinary hearing held in front of the entire Wizengamot. While soaking in the Prefect's tub, he strikes up a conversation with Moaning Myrtle, with surprising results, resulting in the canon timeline going astray as new allies come to help out at Hogwarts, bringing their own variety of chaos and revelations.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: For the canon-keepers, this is an AU story, blending at least two story lines (Harry Potter and Ranma) without care for their original timelines. Essentially, this would be located in the Harry Potter canon somewhere around the second half of August, 1995, but I'm going to be ignoring the canon. Apologies to everyone for going off-canon and keeping characters around who might be dead, injured, obliviated or otherwise incapacitated.

AN Supplemental (MAY 2, 2015) - I've been getting "where's Ranma?" reviews, both signed and "guest" (or rather possibly trolls since they didn't post under their account names and allowed me to respond. So I'm responding to the profane trollsters - As the story developed from original concept, Ranma and the NWC have always been planned to be part of the story. As the chapters came, it is now that Ranma and crew are really secondary characters. For those who can't stand this, my apologies and suggest that you read "Desperately Seeking Ranma" for a Ranma-centric story. In this story, Ranma and crew are Hogwarts staff and assist the students develop skills needed to put you-know-who in his justely-deserved desserts. Troll reviews will not speed up my writing and you can just go away... Those who do post reviews under their name will get replies and serious discussion of the story and its underpinnings.

z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z

Harry sat on the tile floor of the massive tub and leanded back against the walls, and turned his head to look at Myrtle, who was trying to swish her feet back and forth in the water. Trying was the operative word as, being a ghost, the water disn't swish around her legs. Of course, still wearing shoes and stockings that were still effectively dry didn't add to the illusion.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked.

"Hunh?" went Myrtle as she looked down from the stained glass mermaid to look down at Harry, then noticed that he was naked under the foam and soap bubbles. She blushed furiously, her face going a faint pink instead of the usual grey that she normally had. Looking frantically around, she focussed on the ceiling and took a deep breath.

"I... I was thinking about how I d-d-di ... b-b-b-became a ghost."

"Oh, what were you thinking about?" he asked quietly, moderately surprised that Myrtle wasn't moaning and groaning like her usual self.

"This is really stupid, but I think that something else happened in the bathroom besides my being a blubbering idiot about being teased by Olive, and then getting stoned by the basilisk. I mean, it seems to me that if I was making so much noise wailing like I usually did, Tom Riddle would have known that I was there. So why did he not wait until I left and then opened the Chamber? It doesn't seem to add up."

Harry thought about it. "OK, I've seen enough murder mysteries on the television at the Dursleys to throw out a possible theory. Why was Tom Riddle in the bathroom in the first place if he wasn't opening the Chamber in the first place, and what was he doing?"

Myrtle opened and closed her mouth several times. "Damn and blast! Something is just sitting there and it all snaps to me kicking the door open and yelling at Tom about the basilisk."

"Sorry," interrupted Harry, twisting around to get a good look at Myrtle. "You kicked the door open? The bathroom stalls open inwards."

Mytle looked down at him and her jaw dropped open. "Merlin's Beard and snapping snap-dragons! You're right, But all I can see is the door banging open and Tom's face... It's gone. All I can see is the the basilisk looking at me."

"Myrtle, something's not right. Close your eyes and don't think about it just answer my questions with whatever comes to your mind. OK?"

"Ok, here goes", she said as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Go ahead."

"What were you wearing that day?"

"That's easy, my school uniform with the heavier tights - it was cold that day, plus I had my favourite sweater on. The grey one with the little ducks that my Mum knitted for me. I can still remember how pleased she was when she gave it to me. Next question?"

"What did Olive say to you that had you crying?"

"The usual: my hair, my glasses, my deportment, my poor scores, my going to be expelled..."

"Expelled? For what?"

Myrtle kept her eyes closed and twisted her fingers and hands. "I couldn't do a spell if my life depended on it, and I had an exam that day and I had to get a pass somehow."

"How were you going to get a pass for the exam?" popped out of him before he planned on saying anything.

"Get the answers from Tom in return for a blow..." Myrtle went a solid shade of red and looked at Harry. "Job," she finished and looked away.

Harry looked down into the water at his lap, and his now rampant member. "Sorry, Myrtle. Did I hear you clearly? You were getting answers in return for ahem favours?"

Myrtle look at Harry and laughed. "I don't know where that came from, Harry, but I know that it's true, even thoguh I don't know why as I keep seeing me kick the door. No. I'm not kicking it open. I'm kicking it closed and Tom's pushing it wide open so I can see the bas..."

Myrtle started crying, deep racking sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself. "He's waving his wand and yelling something. Explo...explodium... no, explodium cadaverous reducto! And I can rember flying apart. That's it, but what spell is that?"

Harry pushed himself out of the bath and down beside Myrtle. Placing his arms around her and finally holding his arms in the right position and willing them to actually hold Mytle. What was amazing was that Myrtle did feel solid to him as she turned in towards him and wailed unto his chest, tears running down her cheeks and off unto him.

Several minutes went by as Myrtle wound down from a full-blown wailing to hiccupping and sniffling and then pushed herself off of Harry.

"Thanks, Harry. I haven't had a cry like that in a long, long time..." The words faded as she realized that her hands were resting on Harry's chest as opposed to being in his chest.

Harry was looking at Myrtle's hand, which like the rest of her was still translucent against his very solid flesh.

They looked at each other. "What did we do?" "I don't know, do you?"

Harry swallowed. Myrtle swallowed. Harry looked down at Myrtle's hand and squeezed it lightly and she responded with a squeeze herself. They then looked at her feet which were still in the bath. She kicked her feet and they still were ghostly and without creating ripples or splashes. She then pulled her hand from Harry's grip and swirled it into the water. No new ripples and when she pulled her hand back, no water dripped off of it. She then pinched Harry's cheek.

"Ow!" went Harry as he rubbed his cheek and looked at her.

"Sorry, Harry," Myrtle whispered as she looked in his eyes. "What did we do?"

"You remembered a spell, and a really nasty one - a death curse, one of the disintegration ones from the use of reducto. I think that remembering it seemed to have broken it at last partially. I mean that you're still a ghost but you can remember the curse that killed you. Um, wait, you were petrified by the basilisk. If you were hit with a reducto curse, then there couldn't have been anythign to petrify."

"Myrtle, what do you remember next? No matter how crazy or stupid. Close your eyes and try."

Myrtle shifted a bit away from Harry so that she could sit upright and closed her eyes. "I seem to be thinking 'I'm not all here' and hearing Tom saying 'something something something ressurect something something imperio'. Does that make sense?"

"Imperius curse defintiely, but ressurect..." Harry had a wild thought occur to him. "Oh my, if he did that back then... I think that Tom put his feet very firmly into the Dark Arts and brought you back from the dead, not as a zombie but actually brought you back so he could smack you with an Imperius curse. It had to be that way because a zombie wouldn't be petrified by a basilisk. Petrification works on living createures with eyes and a working brain. Did he say anthing else?"

Myrtle frowned, closed her eyes and her lips moved as she tried to remember what Tom Riddle had said before she looked at the basilisk. Harry watched her mouth and thought that she was really cute when she wasn't wailing and moaning. He shook his head to drive the thought out.

"He's saying something about enough being there for him to control and that I would never tell anyone about what we were doing and that I was to look past him and into his pet's eyes. That's it, I think."

She opened her eyes and looked at the hand that Harry had been holding then held it up at shoulder level, palm facing away from her and Harry. "That's wrong. Something's missing. No, not right, I've got something HERE that shouldn't be THERE."

She wiggled her fingers and then turned to Harry, holding up her hand with the pinkie finger curled in. "That's it, Harry! I was missing my pinkie! Could it not have been petrified? I mean, I have it now but didn't when I looked in the basilisk's eyes as I was trying to shield myself from it. That didn't work."

Harry shuddered, not from what they were talking about but beacuse his butt was on a cold tile floor and he was drying off.

"Let me get dressed and we'll go take a look at the washroom. If it got ressurected but hadn't had a chance to attach to the rest of you, it might not have been found when you were and it could still be there. No one would have thought of it. Tom Riddle's a nasty person - committing two crimes to cover another. What did you do that ticked him off like that?"

Myrtle shruggled. "Can't remember. It's a total muddle now with this and that bouncing around in my head, everything saying that it is a true memory. Come on, Harry, get dressed and we can solve this and maybe I can actually be put to rest. I'm fed up with haunting ... I want a real life or death."

She reached down and pulled up on Harry's hand dragging him towards his clothing. Looking down at his naked body, she snickered and then kissed his cheek. "You're pretty cute, Harry, even with your clothes off."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: For the canon-keepers, this is an AU story, blending at least two story lines (Harry Potter and Ranma) without care for their original timelines. Essentially, this would be located in the Harry Potter canon somewhere around the second half of August, 1995, but I'm going to be ignoring the canon. Apologies to everyone for going off-canon and keeping characters around who might be dead, injured, obliviated or otherwise incapacitated.

Harry sat on the tile floor of the massive tub and leanded back against the walls, and turned his head to look at Myrtle, who was trying to swish her feet back and forth in the water. Trying was the operative word as, being a ghost, the water disn't swish around her legs. Of course, still wearing shoes and stockings that were still effectively dry didn't add to the illusion.

\- Second Chapter -

Harry caught the gob-smaked expressions of his schoolmates as he charged down the stairs from the fifth level, dragging Myrtle along behind him. The Boy Who Lived actually man-handling a ghost.

Myrtle huffed. "I could just fly down or teleport, you know."

Harry slowed down and looked at her. "I know but this is more fun. If I went down by myself, I'd get slowed down by people asking questions. With you with me, no one is thinking enough to actually step in front of us."

She grabbed his wrist and pulled back, slowing him to a walk. "Look, let's go together. If someone stops us, they'll have to just keep up. OK?"

He smiled back "OK. but we've got to run because the next staircase is going to shift out and we'll have to go all the way around rather than going straight down two stories."

"Why didn't you say so?!" She pushed forward and flew down the staircase and along the landing to the next staircase, dragging Harry behind her. Shifting gears, he got his legs and feet working and caught up to her, running beside her flaoting form.

"Harry!" came Hermione's voice from somwhere off to the side. He quickly glanced and saw Hermione and Ron standing on a disconnected stairway.

"First floor girls' washroom!" he called back as the staircase that he and Myrtle were on slotted into the first floor level. Myrtle dragged him along the corridor to the washroom and slipped through the door until Harry's hand met the door.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Harry," came her faint voice as she released Harry's hand and went the rest of the way through the door then came back out, looking embarassed. "I wasn't thinking."

Harry shrugged and opened the door, holding it open for Myrtle to come through. She looked at him and said, "How do we find my missing finger, if it is still here. Do your TV shows give us any ideas?"

"Yes, blood spatters." Seeing her going a faint green and looking not very much her usual self. "Sorry. I'm thinking that the curse that killed you the first time was something that he didn't plan on doing, so it may have just popped out. If you exploded, things would have gone everywhere. Since you were sitting in a stall, things would have gone every which way but would have hit the walls and the ceiling and dropped back."

Walking into a cubicle, he looked around and then pulled the door open and looked around.

"If Tom panicked when he used the curse, then he might have been almost as panicked when he resurrected you and was thinking that everything would have come flying back. So he would have not visualized everything coming back along the path that it came out of the cubicle but in a direct line. That means that the finger dropped behind something that blocked the direct line back..."

"Harry," came Myrtle's voice. "I was in the cubicle on the other side, second one along from the far end."

Harry blushed at her acidic comment. "Oops!" He went over to the cubicle that Myrtle was standing in front of and sat down. "Like this?"

Myrtle snickered. "Hands up as if you were trying to push the door shut... Yes, like that."

Harry looked around and up and down, then stood on the toilet seat and looked at the ceiling and walls.

"The light fixtures..." He hopped down and stepped out of the stall and stood under the first lamp. "Does it look like something is up there inside the matt glass?"

Myrtle leviated and look down into the bowl. "Ew! Gross! No one's dusted in here for ages, but it's only a dust bunny, no fingers. Harry. I just thought of something. The Law of Similarities - you can track someone by having a bit of their clothing. Can we do something like that using me? I mean, it's my finger and ..."

"Using you as the piece of clothing? We covered the basics last term but I've never tried it..."

"Go ahead, Harry. Just make it so that I get a warm,colder,hotter feeling."

Harry thought about it and pulled out his wand, closing his eyes and chanting under his breath while gently weaving his wand back and forth. He pointed it at Myrtle and called "Quaerite maxime absentis!" A flood of speckles flew from the want and surrounded Myrtle. Looking down at the speckles that continued circling around her, she reached out her hand and pointed across the room. Nothing really changed.

She stepped further out in the room and started pointing around the room. When her hand came up and pointed towards the ceiling, the speckles started to swarm towards her hand. As she walked out in the room, and back and forth, she observed the way the sparkles circled her and the hand.

She laughed and looked at Harry. "It works! It seemed stongest over this way." She walked towards the far wall, with the sparkles becoming more concentrated around her hand. Finally, standing under the last ceiling light, she pointed at it and all the sparkles leapted to her finger and then exploded.

"Looks like this is the one," she whispered as she levitated up and looked into the light's bowl.

"Harry! I don't know if I should be jumping for joy or being sick. It's here, but all shrivelled up like a stick."

Before Harry could say anything, she reached into the bowl and touched what she'd seen. A flash of light shattered the bowl and Myrtle stared at her hand as she slowly descended to the floor.

Holding out her hand, she whispered "What's happening, Harry?"

The finger had attached itself to Myrtle's hand where it belonged and was gradually become fatter and pinker rather than the dried brown twig that it previously was moments ago. As Harry and Myrtle stared, the translucency of Myrtle's hand next to the finger became solid flesh and spread outward across her hand and up her arm. It swept up her arm and across the rest of her body, taking seconds to complete the transformation.

Myrtle stood fully fleshed in front of Harry, staring at him as he started back. They both realized the same thing at the same time: Myrtle's flesh had come back but her sghostly clothing had not. She was totally naked.

"Ahhhhh!" they both squawked at the same time and spun away from each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: For the canon-keepers, this is an AU story, blending at least two story lines (Harry Potter and Ranma) without care for their original timelines. Essentially, this would be located in the Harry Potter canon somewhere around the second half of August, 1995, but I'm going to be ignoring the canon. Apologies to everyone for going off-canon and keeping characters around who might be dead, injured, obliviated or otherwise incapacitated.

Harry sat on the tile floor of the massive tub and leanded back against the walls, and turned his head to look at Myrtle, who was trying to swish her feet back and forth in the water. Trying was the operative word as, being a ghost, the water disn't swish around her legs. Of course, still wearing shoes and stockings that were still effectively dry didn't add to the illusion.

Oh, yes. All the characters, etc. are the property of the copyright holders. These storeis are made for your personal enjoyment and are not to be distributed in any form or format without the permission of all involved parties.

\- Third Chapter -

"Ahhhhh!" they both squawked at the same time and spun away from each other.

"M-m-m-Myrtle!" gasped Harry. "Here. Take my robe!" as he scrambled to unclasp his cloak and pass them back to Myrtle without trying to take a look.

The cloak was bumped and then dragged out of his hand.

"All right. I'm decent, sort of. You can turn around."

Harry saw that Myrtle was stiull turned away from him with her naked legs and shoeless feet sticking out from under. She looked over her shoulder as she pulled the cloak closer around her.

"Harry, what happened?"

"I don't really know. The only thing that I can think of is that Tom Riddle's resurrection spell still was in effect as your finger hadn't returned to your body and it had been presered alle years. You touching it must have reactivated it and the spell completed itself. How do you feel?"

"Bloody cold! Bloody cold. I can feel everything too! I'm afread too. How long is the spell going to last and will I go back to bering a ghost or will I actually die, or will I just live forever?"

Harry stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Myrtle and hugged her to his chest. "I don't know but the first thing we should do is find Professor McGonagall..."

"Harry!" came two shouts from the doorway. Myrtle tried to spring away from Harry but he pulled her back and then turned to face the indignant expressions of Ron and Hermione. Sweeping Myrtle up into his arms, he carried her past the broken lamp glass towards his friends, depositing Myrtle facing them.

"OK, you two. Yes. I've gone and done it again. And it's not what you think. This is Myrtle and..."

"Moaning Myrtle?! But she's a ghost!", popped Ron just before Hermione smacked him across the back of his head. "Ow! Well, she is, or she was, Herm..."

"Oh, just be quiet and listen to Harry's explanation first" came Hermione's acidic comment. She then looked at Harry and Myrtle, then took a hard look up and down Myrtle's body or rather the lack of any clothing except for Harry's cloak. "Well?"

Harry ran his hand that wasn't holding Myrtle through his hair. "I... I ... I think that we should go to talk to Professor McGonagall. This is going to be complicated enough to tell once. Come on, Myrtle."

Taking her hand in his, he walked out of the washroom and headed for the Transfiguration Classroom.

Half an hour passes, confusion reigns as Harry is seen "with a naked girl!"

Minerva McGonagall set out the tea service and looked over at the newly-reanimated and fully-clothed-if-borrowed Myrtle who was sitting crammed up beside Harry on the sofa while Ron, Hermione and Professor Dumbledore occuppied the remaining chairs in front of her desk in the classroom.

Dumbledore stroked his chin after setting his tea and cookies on the small table beside his chair. "We're going to have to get the aurors to take a look at this. Being killed twice in the same day by the same person, coupled with an illegal resurrection and an imperious curse. I don't think that the Ministry of Magic can say this was just a schoolboy prank or exists in the imagination of a certain young man with a scar. However, I must say, Young Potter, you do have a knack for events like this. No, I'm not saying that this is your fault but the Gryffindor in you. The aurors will also be able to tell us exactly what Myrtle's legal status is and we can go from there. Until it does get settled, please consider that you're our guest, my dear."

Myrtle shifted and blushed. "Thank you, everyone. SIGH I really didn't want to have all this happen."

"Nonsense, my child," Professor McGonagall. "Though I must say, your status is going to cause a lot of confusion in many parts of the Ministry of Magic as well as #some# new staff members." Putting down her teacup, she picked up a cookie and nibbled at it with a smile.

"Are you sure that you don't want to attend classes? No, I thought not but I had to ask. Before the aurors arrive, I think that Albus wants you to have a thorough medical examination. Harry, can you take Myrtle over to the hosptial and wait for her? Gryffindor house is best for her for the next while. Herminon and Ron, I think that you have your own tasks to perform."

The four young people nodded and made their departures.

When the door closed, Minerva looked over at the headmaster. "OK, Albus. I can see those wheels spinning behind your eyes. What is going on?"

"We've got guests coming, and I wonder if Myrtle's sudden change of status is going to be the start of a new distraction for Harry."

"Oh, come on! He's fifteen years old and becoming a young man. He's not the boy that he was when he first came here and he probably could stand having female company. Or is there something about Myrtle that I should know?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard several times. "Only rumours that were circulating before and after her death, or is that deaths, or... well whatever. I'm not going to judge Myrtle on rumour and innuendo. Anywise, I've got a scrying call to make to the Auror's Office. Harry is right about one thing. this is beyond our skills to investigate. What did Young Potter call it: CSI? Yes, ask for a CSI team to investigate and to look at Myrtle. This is something way beyond our skills to detect and draws conclusins from. Good afternoon, Minerva. I'll see you at dinner."

Minerva looked at Dumbledore's back as he departed the classroom and closed the door behind him, and then watched the house elves tidying up the tea service. "Guests? He never mentioned that before. The sly dog. He's got something on the go but what could Myrtle and her history... Oh, boiling cauldrons...no, SHIT! He's probably locked Myrtle's records and teachers' notes so even the Ministry of Magic can't get at them by now."

Sitting back in her chair, she picked up her now tepid cup of tea and sighed. "Might as well check to make sure the Gryffindor guest room is clean and tidy..."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: For the canon-keepers, this is an AU story, blending at least two story lines (Harry Potter and Ranma) without care for their original timelines. Essentially, this would be located in the Harry Potter canon somewhere around the second half of August, 1995, but I'm going to be ignoring the canon. Apologies to everyone for going off-canon and keeping characters around who might be dead, injured, obliviated or otherwise incapacitated.

Harry sat on the tile floor of the massive tub and leanded back against the walls, and turned his head to look at Myrtle, who was trying to swish her feet back and forth in the water. Trying was the operative word as, being a ghost, the water disn't swish around her legs. Of course, still wearing shoes and stockings that were still effectively dry didn't add to the illusion.

Oh, yes. All the characters, etc. are the property of the copyright holders. These storeis are made for your personal enjoyment and are not to be distributed in any form or format without the permission of all involved parties.

\- Fourth Chapter -

"Harry? I have a confession to make," Myrtle said as they walked down the hallway toards the main courtyard to take the shortcut over to the Hospital Wing.

"Mmm?" went Harry, lost in his own thoughts.

"Harry, my memory was never impacted, at least about the events that went on before I d-d-died. I really wan't a very nice girl. Not mean and nasty but what I did. I really shouldn't have come to Hogwarts as I wan't a great, heck I wasn't even a mediocr witch. Even with all the help of the other students and even the teachers, I was barely scraping through. That last year, it went from barely scraping to totally failing. I couldn't face my parents - they'd put everything into my going to Hogwarts and I was failing them as well. I gave up on everything. Classwork, homework, clothing, even washing and bathing. Towards the end, my housemates were tossing me into the showers on an almost daily basis, not teasing but because I smelled so bad. To get the grades to pass the exams, I cheated in the worst possible way. Not just Tom Riddle but anyone who wanted to take a shot at me - anyone who could give me answers to the questions. Crazy thing was, the only thing I drew the line at was... was.." She choked up.

Harry turned her and set her back against a nearby plinth. "Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Again... Again... Are you sure that you want me to know everything?"

Myrtle realized that she was crying a flood but not moaning or wailing. Dashing the backs of her hands across her eyes, she nodded. "I was really the worst sort of person for you to know. Not evil like Tom Riddle's turned out like. SIGH OK, really, really low morals. The only thing that I hung on to was ... was... was... my virginity! There, I said it! My powers sucked like a lemon fruit jelly and yet I wouldn't give up on them beacuse that would be admitting to my parent and myself that I was a failure."

She sniffed and wiped her nose on her arm, then looked at Harry and shrugged. "Sorry, no hankies came with this and I don't think that you do, do you?"

Harry chuckled. "Ever-ready Harry Hermione calls me among other names. Here, tidy yourself up and don't worry about giving it back."

Myrtle gently pulled the handkerchief from Harry's fingers and wiped her nose then made dabs at the wet marks on her sleeve.

Myrtle blushed, then braced herself. "Look, Harry, I've had twenty years to think about what I've done, and I'm decided that whoever knows me will also know my failings. If you decide that you don't want me to be around you and your friends, I understand. I do have one request for you to consider: I want you to be my first."

Harry was absolutely stunned. "You mean... That's a big step, Myrtle. I means that you'll be unable to gain any skills or abilities beyond what you do have right nbow, and you probably won't be allowed to stay at Hogwarts."

Whatever else Harry would have said was stopped by Myrtle placing her hand over his mouth. "I know, Harry. It's not the princess being rescued by a shining knight. that dream died a miserable death my first year here at Hogwarts. I've got nothing else that I can give you as thanks for you rescuing me from beign a ghost for the rest of eternity. Think about it. That's all that I ask, otehr than you keep this a secret only for yourself. I'll wait for your answer and we won't talk about this any more. OK"

Harry looked down at his feet. "OK... I guess. Look, Dumbledore asked that I get you over to the Hospital. If I don't get you there, he'll suspect that we've been doing something other than simply walking over there. Oh, crumpets! Now, I'm thinking down those lines myself."

Myrtle laughed. "OK, no teasing from me on that topic. Let's get going, but do think about our conversation. I know what I'm giving up, and I do like you."

Two hours later at the Hospital clinic...

"Harry Potter?" Nurse Pomfrey's gentle voice came from berside Harry's ear and he jumped.

"Sorry, I was nodding off."

"Yes," Nurse Pomfrey said. "You've had a busy day, so a catnap is quite all right. Miss Myrtle's asked for you since all of her test have ben completed. Please follow me."

As she strightened up and turned to walk down the hallway from the wiaitng room, Harry took a couple of quick steps to catch up so he could talk quietly. "Is Myrtle OK?"

"Physically, she's perfectly normal and healthy. However, she did tell me her story of what she was like #before#... I normally don't step in on my patients' private lives, but be nice to her, Harry. She needs friends. I fear that she may do something very stupid and irrevocable."

"Like what she offered to give me?"

"That's one way of discretely putting it. She meant that and I think that you should think long and hard about it, and how you are going to respond. Words have more power than spells, and can cut deeper than the sharpest knife."

"Do you mean that I should, you know?"

"Ah, I'm sorry but I can't answer that as I'm not your conscience. All I can say is that you need to think about this and not make it an act of youthful hormones gone rampant. Ah! Here we are, Harry. Myrtle's all ready to leave. Headmaster has sent me a note that the Aurors have arrived and have done a preliminary inspection of the bathroom, but would like to talk to both of you, seperately and together."

Three hours later, and several applications of Veritaserum to Myrtle and Harry. In the Room of Requirment with everyone scattered around the room in comfortable chairs as well as two men in judicial robes seated behind a table stacked with documents.

One of the men behind the table stood and cleared his throat.

"Good afternoon, everyone. I am Elphias Doge, Special Advisor to the Wizengamot and longstanding friend of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Beside me is Court Scribe, Percy Ignatius Weasley, who will be acting as recording secretary but who is permitted to comment on or clarify anything that this body may discuss or rule on. Present at this meeting are Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, all students at said Hogwarts School, Professors Albus Dombledore and Minerva McGonagall of said Hogwarts School, Nurse Poppy Pomfrey also of said Hogwarts Scholls, and lastly Myrtle, recently a ghost of said Hogwarts School. Also present are Aurors from the Ministry of Magic, who will enter their sworn deputations into the record of this judicial review.

This is a judicial review of the facts surrounding the original death of said Myrtle, as well as entering into evidence the facts recently uncovered regarding the said death of Myrtle as well as her seeming resurrection and determination of her actual status within said Hogwarts School and the British Wizarding World as a whole."

Elphia Doge droned on for what seemed to be hours, starting with the original history of Myrtle, her death and haunting, including the petition to the Ministry of Magic for Myrtle's exorcism and resulting long-term haunting of Hogwarts. It then moved to to grilling each of the people present under oath for their involvement in the day's activities, with the occassional break for bathroom calls as well as snacks. The afternoon dragged on, resulting in Dumbledore, Harry and Ron receiving sharp elbows in their ribs as they napped out. The second half of the afternoon was spent reviewing the Aurors' testimony, focussing on what happened to Myrtle and validating that she was now 100% alive with good health virgo-intacta.

Finally, with the dinner gong ringing somewhere in the distance, Elphia Doge pulled a document that Percy Weasley passed him.

"Based upon the evidence presented, both on the original death, the actual deaths as well as her resurrection, this is the decision of this panel. It can be appealed by any party involved with the final decision being made by a full meeting of the the Wizengamot. Until such time that an appeal is approved and enacted by the Wizengamot, this decision will be in effect. The original deaths of Myrtle has resulted in the issuance of a death certificate by the normal regulatory bodies as well as the Ministry of Magic. The resurrections of Myrtle have not changed the legal standing of those death certificates. Rather, there is a legal limbo in which Myrtle can appeal to the Wizengamot for clarification. However, such clarifications will be a point-in-time and not retroactive to the original events. That is, Myrtle, you would be #alive# from the point of the decision onwards."

"Based upon the evidence presented as well as any close parallels in judicial proceedings and law, the most equitable position is for Myrtle to receive the legal designation of 'magical creature'. While this does not give the complete set of rights and privileges of a living person, it does provide protection from being an unclassified creature, which provides no legal protection of your person. The opinion of myself and that of the Court Scribe is that the difference is marginal at best and requires the protection under legal proceedings. To this end, we have prepared and will sign the following documents: a writ of manumission on behalf of Hogwarts that rescinds the original declaration with regards to the request by Olive Hornby and her subject haunting of said Hogwarrts School; a writ of possession on behalf of Harry Potter with said Hogwarts School with Mister Potter being the primary party and said Hogwarts School having an abiding and continuing interest in the health and welfare of said Myrtle, now declared to be a former ghost of said Hogwarts School and to be a magical creature under the care and control of said Harry Potter."

With that, he sat down and signed the documents as Percy Weasley pointed at the appropriate points, then Percy signed them at other point, the pointed at Professor Dumbledore and had his sign the forms at other locations. Percy then pointed at Harry and waved him forward to the desk and spun the second document around, pointed at a spot on it and held up a quill.

Harry stood up and slowly walked forward to the desk, then took the quill and signed the document, all the time, his mind trying to grasp the content of the last speech. Standing there, he watched as Percy put the documents into a folder, then put the folder into a briefcase, and spun the case over, and then opened the case removing what looked like the original folder, then repeated the operation again, removing a second folder from the case, followed by a third copy that he added to the pile of documents beside him. He then signed his name to the other folders and handed one each to Harry and Professor Dumbledore.

Seeing Harry's absolutely mystified expression, Percy reached into the pile of documents and pulled out a book entitled "Registry of Magical Creatures" and opened it to a page. "Here is what is registered to you, Harry." Turning the book around and opening the book flat in front of Harry, he pointed at a small section with Harry's name. Below Harry's name, was one row with a picture. Myrtle's picture. One that showed her without her usual messy hair, the entry was simple: her name, no last name, data of death, classification: magical creature - Spirit Division (resurrected ghost).

Harry looked up at the other entries on the page and saw house-elves with much the same type of pictures and short descritpions.

The light came on. Harry looked at Percy and whispered "I own her?" Percy nodded. "It's the best that we could do to protect her. Sorry. It was that or leave her completely off of the list."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Notes: In response to tuatara, check the potter Wiki articles on how house-elves are treated. Essentially, they are slaves, owned property, and there are no standards for how they are treated or can be used for (read "lemons"). Under regular non-magic British law, it is illegal to be a slaveowner (see the history of john Newton of "Amazing Grace" fame.) Not going to make this story a political statement (slavery still exists in the modern world) but Myrtle's non-human status will be impacted by events and her reactions will be part of the basic plot.

Oh, yes. All the characters, etc. are the property of the copyright holders. These stories are made for your personal enjoyment and are not to be distributed in any form or format without the permission of all involved parties.

\- Fifth Chapter -

Ron nudged Hermione as she sat at a study desk in the Gryffindor common room. When she looked up, he twisted his head towards the couch in front of the fire where Harry's and Myrtle's heads could be seen leaning against each other as they stared into the fire.

Hermione looked at Ron with a "don't you dare bother them" expression and put her quill down and walked towards the hidden doorway into the hall. Ron took the hint and walked out behind her.

Walking over to the rail beside the staircase, she turned and watched Ron take a position beside her.

Ron looked at her and finally said the words that they'd both been thinking. "OK. What do we do now? I mean, Harry's our friend and we should be supporting him, but I've got no idea what to do."

"Same here, Ron. Professor McGonagall has guest room set up for her and everyone's contributed something, even the other houses. That hearing ... that hearing... Well, I don't think that anyone was prepared for their decision, and we're just sleep-walking."

"Yeah, sleepwalking" and then Ron started blushing as he looked at his feet and scuffed them on the floor.

"Ron Weasley! You are thinking that they'll do THAT, are you?", Herminone whispered as she whacked him on the back of the head.

"Well, he owns her and she has to obey him in all his commands. OK, it's my mind being corrupted somewhere. If it was me, I'd be tempted. Hey! Don't go telling Harry that. "

Ron looked up and saw Hermione blushing just as furiously. "Oh, crap! Don't complain about me. I'll bet my next package from home that you're thinking the same thing."

Hermine nodded slowly. "Totally wrong but I can't help it."

They turned and stared across the Grand Staircase, not really noticing anything going on in front of them.

"Ah-hem!" came from behind them, and both jumped and spun around. Standing in front of them was Professor McGonagall, who had a strained smile on her face.

"Feeling a bit out of sorts?" she asked, looking from Ron to Hermione and back again. Both looked at their shoes and nodded.

"Can you give this to Harry and Myrtle when you go back in? It's a permission slip allowing Harry to take a couple days off from classes, plus permission slips and Floo passes so they can go to do any needed banking arrangements and get proper clothes for Myrtle. Oh, and there's a passkey for one of the sealed Gryffindor suites if they want to set up housekeeping..."

Professor McGonagall stopped and Ron and Hermione looked up to see her sporting a bit of a blush.

Ron coughed into his hand, and then reached out for the packet. "Yes, no matter what we do and say, we keep bumping into THAT, don't we?"

He got sharp looks from both ladies at that comment, shrugged and tried using the Weasley charm for all that it was worth.

"Mom always talked about elephants in the rooms, and I never quite understood what she meant until today," Ron continued. "Harry's our friend and he needs our support even if he doesn't know what he's going to be doing. No matter what, Hermione and I'll be there to help."

"Ten points to Gryffindor," came the quiet words from Professor McGonagall s she released the packet into Ron's hand. "Tell him that the suite is available if he needs it and when he needs it."

Ron and Hermione nodded and headed back into the common room.

##Three hours later...##

Harry lay on the bed and stared at his canopy when he heard quiet steps padding across the room and up to the edge of his bed.

"Harry?" came the quiet whisper.

"Myrtle?" He pulled back the bed curtains and looked at her. "What are you doing here?"

She scuffed her toes against the cold floor, looking sheepish and fearful. "It's not what you think. I couldn't sleep and everything's spinning around and around... "

"And here I am, counting the threads in the canopy. Want to join me? No, that's not what I meant. I mean..."

She snickered. "I keep stubbing my toes on that. I think Ronald and Hermione are doing the same thing, and everyone else is walking around as if the rugs were made of eggs."

Harry pulled the quilts over and Myrtle climbed in and snuggled up beside him. "Sorry, I thought when I was a ghost that I'd sleep like a baby if I ever got resurrected. Well, here I am, resurrected and I'm more wide awake than when I was a ghost. Is that silly or what?"

Harry smiled. "Much the same for me. I've never even owned a pet before and I'm trying to figure out what I should be doing or not doing or if I'm going to be a good master or not or..."

Myrtle chuckled into his chest and sighed. "Sounds like we're a good match for each other. Can I stay here until I get sleepy? I promise that I'll go back to my borrowed bed."

Harry chuckled back. "I can just imagine everyone freaking out at wake-up tomorrow and we're still in bed together, and Professor McGonagall dragging up up to see Nurse Pomfrey to get some elixir from Severus Snape or Alastor Moody to quell our 'youthful out-of-control hormones'." The latter delivered in a tone that sounded more like Dumbledore than McGonagall.

Her head was shaking from side to side as she tried to suppress a hearty laugh. "Aside from getting potioned to within an inch of our lives, what are our plans for tomorrow besides breakfast?"

"I want to talk to the Goblins at Gringotts, probably starting with whoever Bill Weasley can introduce us to. Listen to me on this: I want to set up a drawing account for you with your own money. Regardless of what the MofM just decreed, and probably because of that, I want you to have as much independence as I can give you. Oh, even that sounds like cods-wallop and condescending. I don't want you to think that I think of you as an animated doll to fulfill my fantasies. I want to see the real Myrtle and learn about you, good, bad and indifferent. And I want you to stay you, yourself and not become just an extension of me. Am I making sense?"

Her sleepy "hun-hun" told him that he should push her back to her own bed, but he pulled the quilt over them and drew a deep breath, feeling that the world was not banging at his doors for the first time in days. The last thing he remembered was the soft scent of whoever's shampoo Myrtle had borrowed.

"Harry!" came Ron's voice in his ear. Harry shot up in his bead and quickly looked around for Myrtle, and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Ron caught the not-so-furtive glances. "I think Hermione dragged her off first thing this morning. I heard Myrtle moaning about sleeping for five more minutes and Hermione telling her to get into the shower before everyone else got up. Amazing how voices carry from the washrooms when no one else is up. I'm just returning the favour."

Harry flipped the quilts aside and climbed out of the bed, feeling around for his slippers. Pulling the bedding straight, he pulled on his robe and grabbed his towel and washing cloth and stumbled towards the boys' bathroom.

"Thanks, Ron! Are you prefect today or are you just riding herd on me?"

"Bit of each. Not giving the gossips something to talk about or take pictures of is what Hermione and I can do for the two of you right now."

"Yeah. Sounds like a great idea. So is keeping everything within school rules. With school starting in about a week will give the rumour mill time to wind down. Well, OK, wind down a bit is more like it."

"Go and wash up. You want to look your best this morning. No bed-head, falling asleep during breakfast and getting all embarrassed because someone mentioned something that might be construed as something else. OK?"

Harry grinned at his friend. "Can you save two places for me and Myrtle? I'm not going to park her in the back of the room. If she's a guest of Gryffindor, then she can eat with use if she so chooses, not because someone expects it of her." His voice strengthened on the last sentence.

Ron gave him a thumbs-up gesture and make shooing gestures towards the washroom before turning back to his bed and pulling out his clothing for the day from the trunk.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Notes: Thanks for the flood of "follow" and "favourite" from everyone (we're talking about 26 in the three days that I started things running). Sad to say, the reason that I'm so productive is that I got a wonderful gift from my wife - last week she was helping out at our church's March Break Day Camp. Yep, brought home a little surprise - by Tuesday, she had a serious cough and I was bad enough that I came home at lunch, was out all of Thursday, and worked from home this morning, and took this afternoon as a Personal Obligations Day so I could do some medical appointments. Yep, got my annual lung-sucking chest cold, am now am on the Z-PAC antibiotics and a headache that won't stop. Even typing on the laptop while letting the TV drone is getting to be too much.

Plot spoiler alert - going to see if I can get through breakfast and then take a couple days doing absolutely nothing so I can start the new week in a state fit for work.

\- Sixth Chapter -

Harry stepped into the Great Hall, with Myrtle's hand wrapped around his right one in a death grip. Just inside the doorway, the stopped as the entire room went silent and everyone pivoted in the seats to look at them.

Ron stood up and waved, then pointed at the two empty seats between him and Hermione. As they walked the length of the table towards the empty seats, everyone one else slowly turned to follow them.

Harry pulled out the chair beside Hermione and whispered "You'd better sit down here, you look like you're ready to faint."

Myrtle blushed and sat in the chair that Harry held for her, and he gently pushed it in as she shifted forward. "thank you."

Harry quickly sat down in his chair and shifted it forward.

A momentary silence occurred as Dumbledore stood and cleared his throat.

"I see that everyone has heard the news or at least the rumours. Yes, Myrtle has just had her status changed. She is no longer a ghost but is now a full-blooded human but because of her death and recent resurrection, the Ministry of Magic has declared that she is a magical creature of the Spirit variety."

"As Headmaster of Hogwarts, I have signed the necessary paperwork to manumit her from her duties as a Hogwarts ghost."

"The Ministry of Magic has also declared that she is under the protection of Harry Potter, with Hogwarts School having an abiding interest in her life and welfare."

There was a gentle rumble from among the students, quieted by Dumbledore raising his hands and again clearing his throat at a greater volume than used before.

"It is the attitude of the Faculty of Hogwarts is that Myrtle is to be treated with the respect and dignity of any visitor to Hogwarts as well that of your fellow students. Any implication that she is other than a full human will be dealt with immediately and strongly, ranging from loss of any or ALL house points to the expulsion of any student or students involved. Do I make myself quite clear?"

The deafening silence apparently satisfied Dumbledore.

"Good. Right now, Myrtle is an honored guest of Gryffindor House, and will remain so until she decides to seek other accommodations. I have also put at her and Harry's disposal one of the sealed suites in the Gryffindor Tower."

"I would also like to thank everyone who made contributions of clothing to Myrtle so that she can be suitably attired. In addition, I have given permission for Harry to leave Hogwarts to seek counsel regarding the decisions of the Ministry of Magic as well as any necessary shopping, plus he is to b e excused from class attendance for the rest of the week."

"Now, regarding the popular press. I haven't had a chance to review the latest editions, I can only say that they may not have all of the facts and may be involved in pure speculation and rumour mongering. If anyone is interested, copies of the three documents have been placed on a table outside of the Staffroom on the ground floor. Please read them at your leisure. I've also placed a copy of the school's Rules of Conduct beside them in case you've misplaced your own copy."

"Now, before we all sit down and eat our breakfast, I do have some serious words for everyone: Respect, Integrity, Circumspection. There. Time for breakfast!"

Myrtle stood up and held up her hand.

Dumbledore was surprised to see his former ghost asking to speak. "Please, Myrtle, come forward."

Myrtle came forward and turned around to face everyone.

"I'd like to thank everyone for the gifts of clothing that you've provided. Yesterday came as a shock to me, Harry and a whole bunch of other students. I do need to say one thing: I am going to be returning the School uniforms and robes that were donated. My current status as a magical creature means that I cannot attend classes. In fact, the reason for my death was due to the fact that I was failing, and failing miserably, and would have not passed the OWLs at the end of term. I've had twenty years to think about it, and Professor Dumbledore and my master Harry agrees with my decision. Thank you."

She walked down and resumed her seat, getting a hug from Hermione, Harry and Ron; and then reaching out for the platters of food that were passing around the table. Normal conversations resumed though were generally low-keyed.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Notes: got my annual lung-sucking chest cold, am now am on the Z-PAC antibiotics and a headache that won't stop. Even typing on the laptop while letting the TV drone is getting to be too much. Which also explains why the chapters are episodic and tend to be fairly short. I finish a scene and fire it off before I make a brain-dead mistake and have to retype everything form memory. Considering that my brain is clogged with mucus and my chest muscles hurt from all the coughing, I may be writing this on Saturday but may not get it done until Wednesday...

\- Seventh Chapter -

Harry stepped out of the Floo fireplace at Gringotts main branch with Myrtle right behind him, again holding on to his right hand with both of hers for all it was worth.

Harry looked around and found a familiar shade of red hair walking towards him.

"Good afternoon. Mister Potter? Miss Myrtle? Good. I'm Bill Weasley and I'll be handling your queries and managing any necessary paperwork. Not my usual job as I'm a Curse Breaker but I've recently transferred and volunteered to help you. Come this way, and we'll get started. Tea? Coffee? Water? Cookies? Cakes?"

Bill Weasley ushered them into a quiet office that looked more like a reading room rather than a traditional banker's office. At Harry and Myrtle's amazed expressions, Bill chuckled.

"The intention for Gringotts is to assist you in ordering your affairs and ensuring that you are happy and comfortable with your decisions. Not like the traditional banking that you saw with Hagrid when you were picking up a certain item from the vaults a few years ago. While this is the Wizarding World, the goblins running this establishment see the changes taking place on the Muggle side of things and are experimenting to see what the reception is like."

"Ah, this is a big change," said Harry as he sat down in a very comfortable chair and was handed a tea with cookies by a young goblin maid, then looked over at Myrtle sitting beside him, with an incredulous expression on her face. "First time, Myrtle?"

"Yes," came the squeak. She blushed and spoke a bit more firmly. "It's nothing like I had imagined. I mean, the main hall looked like it but this, this is totally different."

Bill Weasley grinned, showing that he'd also received a hearty helping of the family cheekiness and charm. "Trust Gringotts to be totally unexpected. Hopefully, we can exceed your expectations."

He sat down in the third chair and reached over and pulled up a familiar-looking folder. "We used our connections with the Ministry of magic to update our files on you with regards to your current ahem activities and change of status. Pulling a second folder and placing it on top of the first, he commented "We've also added Miss Myrtle's file from the Ministry of Magic as well as from Hogwarts, since she has been classified as being your ward. The unfortunate news is that your original information was exculpated from both sets of records. This is standard practices when someone dies and becomes a ghost as all legal entitlements belonging to the original person end with their death. I'm sorry, but that's to protect the descendants."

"Oh, my," whispered Myrtle. "I know my full name, but I guess the words of a ghost..." tears leaked out from her eyes. Harry reached over and hugged her close, while Bill handed her a box of tissues.

"Yes, not admissible in a court of law and all that. However, I've sicked our best legal experts on whether the MofM's decision can be appealed and what it would take, plus what their recommendations are for going forward. Second bit of bad news: the decision holds water legally and is actually a best-case scenario."

"OK, you had some requests that you wanted to put into place, didn't you Mister Potter?"

"Please,just call me Harry. Myrtle's been made totally dependent upon me and I'm her master. This means that... that... " Harry blushed while Myrtle looked at him and blushed even more.

Bill Weasley chuckled. "I perfectly understand. You got thrown into this situation and you have no control over anything, and you're scrambling around like crazy. The legal beagles (not dogs but goblins - small joke) have come up with several possible scenarios, and I'll shuffle between them as we explore your options and intentions."

"So, leaving THAT aside, what do you want to do first and foremost, Mist... er Harry?"

Harry looked at his hands, then at Myrtle who blushed yet again, then at Bill. "Is it possible that Myrtle can have her own money? I mean, right now, if she wants to buy anything, she has to come to me. I... I want... want her to have at least some control over her life, control that no one can revoke." He nodded and looked at Bill.

Bill rubbed his chin. "No one can revoke... pretty nigh impossible, but the goblins did come up with one scenario that would ensure that she does have a life stipend and any funds remaining at the time of her death becomes part of her estate. It's been tried in the past and there are legal precedents that will ensure that it works." Bill started to blush as he looked back and forth between them.

Harry clued in and looked at Bill sharply. "Something sounds like it is going to be extremely embarrassing."

Bill chuckled and pulled a small folder out from the pile. "This is what the goblins have called the best option to satisfy your requirements. It does involve some embarrassment on both of your parts, and may result in some amount of ostracism. Anything else that they came up with have been broken by the lawyers."

Harry frowned. "OK. We'll put that aside right now. Is there anything that I can do about the Dursleys?"

Bill's eyebrows climbed. "Well, according to the financials, the monies that the Dursleys received for taking care of you is still continuing and it is not a major draw on your funds, rather the estates of your parents. You wish that to continue?"

"Yes, but can ... can... Merlin's Beard! It's hard to say this without sounding like I'm a rapacious money-grubber... OK, here goes: can you make what the Dursleys receive conditional on their not fighting whatever arrangement I make for Myrtle."

Myrtle looked at Harry with a gob-smacked expression and Bill laughed.

"No, I'm not laughing at you two, but that's what the goblins put down - we have four proposals from them on this. First is that they are cut off, period, flat. Second, is that they continue to receive the funds until your seventeenth birthday. Third, they receive the same funds as long as you are alive. And fourth, they receive the funds as well as a university endowment fund for Dudley, to be paid when he attends a college, university or polytechnical school and graduates before his twenty-first birthday, when he will receive an equivalent amount of money. They get to choose which of options two through four they want. The one condition is that they do not pursue any legal or journalist outlets on any matter related to you or your activities. Otherwise, it's option one. Also, accepting any option is irrevocable. Right now, you need only sign option one, and your signature will be reflected through the others but they will not be legally binding until one of them is signed. The kicker is that they have 48 hours from when you sign the first document to make up their minds or seek legal counsel. I guess you want to deliver this little bombshell personally."

Harry brooded then looked up. "No, not that way that you're implying but I want to protect Myrtle from them."

"Ah, good, they'd anticipated that. I have a new will for you that specifically refers to to Myrtle and protecting her, plus the two agreements in front of you now. Depending upon your decisions, the will will be adjusted to match your requirements. Your will specifically states that the Dursleys will have no interest in your estate other than the documents that you sign today."

"That's it? That's all that I have to do?" queried Harry.

"No," answered Bill, pulling some smaller documents from under the pile on the table. "This sets up a drawing account that Myrtle can use, which receives a monthly contribution from your assets, roughly the equivalent of forty thousand pounds after taxes. Without that first document, this money is not protected and someone in control of your estate can cancel the account and its contributions. THAT document (and pointing at the first folder) solidifies your legal position in addition to that set by the Ministry. Myrtle, I just need your signature here and here, and Harry needs to sign here and here."

Spinning the two documents around, he proffered quills for each to sign with. Swapping the documents after they had signed, they did their signatures again then passed the pens back to Bill.

Smiling, Bill placed the documents in a folder, and pulled out a small packet that he handed to Myrtle. "This is your banking card that you can use for purchases. It is tied to your bank account where there is your first month's deposit. You'll be receiving the paystub for this in a few days. Please read the information sheets and hang on to the paystubs as you will have to declare your taxes at the end of the year. Also, this packet contains 100 pounds in currency. Oh, yes welcome to the 1990s."

Myrtle laughed, for the first time showing real humour and not looking like a deer caught in bright lights. "this means, that I can dash out of here and spend all this money and Harry can't do anything?" She asked archly with a twinkle in her eyes, looking at Harry's stunned expression.

Bill coughed into his hand and smiled at her. "Well, you'd probably get as far as the doors and spend the hundred pounds, but Harry can cancel the card and the bank account. That's what the first agreement is all about."

"Just teasing, Harry, really I was" whispered Myrtle while placing her hand on Harry's shoulder.

He nodded. "This is getting way to serious, but I knew that things would be like this if it's the best way of keeping you safe." He smiled at Myrtle. "OK, what is that first document?"

"It sets up a lifetime annuity out of Harry's estate with sufficient funds to ensure that Myrtle will receive the specified amount plus cost-of-living increases. It's based upon the current life-expectancy of witches and wizards plus a generous factor that takes into account your unique circumstances. It classifies Myrtle as being part of Harry's household with duties specific to Harry as well as whatever else he personally assigns with your agreement. Um, it starts immediately after the document is signed."

Bill coughed into his hand and looked embarrassed. "Here's the kicker. Myrtle's only position that is in this document is an ancient medieval one that has fallen into disuse. However, all similar documents like this that have been challenged in court have stood. "

Harry and Myrtle looked at each other and looked back at Bill. Harry swallowed, and then swallowed again. "OK, this is going to be super embarrassing, I just know it. Bill, just what is this mysterious position?"

Bill looked down and then at both of them.

"Bed warmer."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes: Thanks for the two recent reviews. I wasn't sure if my ironic sense of humour and slow pace for the story was working but some people do like it.

Once again, the old admonishment: the original characters are still the intellectual property of the copyright-holders, and this is intended for your enjoyment only.

\- Seventh Chapter -

Harry and Myrtle looked at each other and looked back at Bill. Harry swallowed, and then swallowed again. "OK, this is going to be super embarrassing, I just know it. Bill, just what is this mysterious position?"

Bill looked down and then at both of them.

"Bed warmer."

"WHAAAT!" went Harry and Myrtle simultaneously.

Bill held up his hands. "Don't shoot the messenger, but this is what the goblins came up with."

Harry did a palm-plant and then then looked up at Bill. "Just when was the last time that this was used?"

Bill reached for the folder that contained the documents and opened it. "It was here, and they marked the section with a note. Ah, here it is" and pulled a piece of paper stuck to a page, and looking at the entry. "Two hundred years ago, and at Hogwarts of all places. Pardon, there's something written on the note. Lessee... Sorry but the goblin used an unsharpened quill for some reason so it's almost illegible... The conniving old devil... Sorry that's what was written here. He must have changed quills as the rest is quite legible. 'Maintained residence at Hogwarts while a student along with BW.' "

"Let's look at who was resident at Hogwarts at this time..." reaching across the table, he pulled a book out of the pile of documents, and found a matching piece of paper stuck to another page. "Ah, here's the reference. Oh my, this is unusual. An English Lord who was found to exhibit magic at the age of eighteen after suffering a head injury, joined Hogwarts and was assigned to Gryffindor. Oh, here's something interesting... maintained residence in the 'Solar'. Didn't Dumbledore say something about the sealed suites in the Gryffindor Tower? He's probably referring to the same thing."

"Sorry, I'm rattling along. Here's the reference: 'Duddley, first Lord of Dursley'."

He looked up at Harry and Myrtle's expressions and started laughing, followed by Harry snickering and then rolling back in the chair with a full-blown laugh. Myrtle looked at each of them and shook her head.

Harry settled first and straightened up. "Is there any connection between this Lord Dursley and the Dursleys that I have been staying at?"

"Not in this pile, but would this bit of information make any difference to your decisions?"

Harry crossed his arms over his chest, still struggling not to laugh. "No, but if there is a connection, no matter how slight, we should take it into account and plan accordingly. Can you ask them to give me, no US, a short background on my uncle's side of the family and whether or not there is a real connection or that it's just a really ironic coincidence."

"in the meantime," Harry leaned forward and took Myrtle's hand in his, "when do we have to sign these and set our plans into action?"

"These?" Bill waved his hand over the folders. "These can wait for a day or two if you don't plan on making any changes to them. If you do want to make changes, you should do so before you head back to Hogwarts. I guess that your next stop is lunch as well as doing some shopping?"

Harry blushed and coughed into his hand, while Myrtle blushed even more. "Pretty much. I thought ... thought... oh, jumping jellies!... we... we... we'd go into London and get Myrtle new clothes. I know that everyone contributed something but I thought, no, I KNEW, that she would like to have new clothes and not someone's hand-me-downs. I got that at the Dursleys and hated it once I knew different. Sorry, Myrtle, I know that I'm making a decision for you but I thought that you'd enjoy the day, regardless of whether you bought just a handkerchief or nothing."

Myrtle leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Harry. I appreciate the hand-me-downs and am thankful for them, and I'm thankful that you want to go shopping with me for new items."

Bill coughed. "Actually, Harry. I have taken that into account, and have the same forms for you to sign to set up your own drawing account, with the same funds going in each month as for Miss Myrtle. I've also assumed that you may decide to shop in Muggle London and not simply Daigon Alley, so I've had Ministry-approved identification prepared. Essentially, Harry is your closest living relative and you are his ward, adopted. Embarrassing but not uncalled for since he is the holder of a small fortune and your parents' will did stipulate that if anything happened to the, you were to become a ward of Harry's father. The unfortunate part is that they died just before Harry's father died in unfortunate circumstances. Harry's father's will stipulated that their only child would inherit the family fortunes as well as any other legal bindings, and you have no other close family members except for your godfather, who is currently unavailable."

"There you go, Harry's your guardian and she's your ward, and it's all very embarrassing but perfectly legal. Your papers also include business cards for your family lawyers with direct telephone lines and located on the Strand, a very reputable street for law firms. Essentially, these are the legal beagles that put together the package and who are used by Gringotts for situations like this."

Placing the signature cards for Harry's account in front of him and proferring the quill, Bill watched as Harry singed in the indicated locations, the passed over another small package to Harry, then reached behind him and pulled two small bags from under the desk.

"This is for you, Miss Myrtle, and this is for you Harry. Please don't loose them. Not impossible to replace but just takes some time."

A gentle ringing came from the far side of the room. "Telephone," said Bill. "I'd asked that we not be disturbed unless it's important." He walked over and picked up the headset and talked quietly with whoever was on the other end. Putting down the phone, he walked back.

"Slight change of plans. You apparently have guests who are eager to join you. Apparently, they came through the Floo network from Hogwarts with a note from Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. They're waiting for you by the entrance."

Harry stood with Myrtle rising to stand beside him. "What's going to happen with all of this?"

Bill laughed. "I'll close and lock the room so nothing will be disturbed until we get back. Right now, it's lunch time and I've been ordered to take everyone out for lunch and shopping. Head Goblin's orders." His expression said that it was a hard and onerous duty that had been placed on his shoulders.

"All right. Myrtle? Are you ready for lunch and a bit of shopping?"

Blushing just a bit, she nodded. "I've got to stop blushing like this. I know that things happen around you but... "

"But right now, yes, I agree. we're being pushed in a direction that we want to go forward in but a lot slower than everything or everyone else wants. OK Bill, we're ready to go."

Bill opened the door and they procceded out. Bill closed the door and placed his hand on the door and intoned "Sanctum Sanctorum" and the door became a wall section showing a painting of a medieval castle. "Hogwarts in an earlier generation," he quipped and shrugged his shoulders. "All I could think of at the moment."

Walking down the hallway toward the main banking hall, he indicated the people sitting along the wall who stood up.

Harry took the lead, drawing Myrtle up beside him. "Myrtle, I'd like to introduce you to Mrs. Weasley, Ginny Weasley, and you already know Ron and Hermione. So what do we owe the honor of this visit."

Hermione shurgged, "Well, Mrs. Weasley called the school this morning. She'd seen the Tattler ande they had you spread over the front page. Well, faster than you can say 'appaporte', she and Ginny were in Dubledore's office with Professor McGonagall, going over them like a terrier on a juicy bone."

"Next thing that Hermie and I know, we're up in the office and telling Mum what ahd been happening between you two, especially this morning. I expected her to exoplode like one of George and Fred's whiz-bangs but she sniffed and then asked about the room that you were offering them. She heard that from me, Harry, sorry."

"Next thing, we're up at the Gryffindor common room and heading for the bookcase to the left of the fireplace. Turns out it's a hidden staircase, going up to a set of rooms at the next level. Absolutely smashing rooms but I didn't get a chance to see much as Mom gave me and Hermione 'the petrifying look' that she does while she, Ginny and the professors went thought the rooms. There were a lot of them, juding from the closet doors and drawers that I could hear. They came back with Mum rubbing her fingertips together and muttering soemthing about 'clean and presentable'. She then asked where we were. Next thing you know, Hermione and I have house passes for the day and we're standing here, waiting for you to go to lunch and then go shopping. Myrtle, I think that Mum regards Harry as an honourary Weasley, and Mum now regards you as being part of our family now, regardless of what the MofM says. OW!"

The last comment was caused by Mrs. Weasley smacking her youngest son across the back of his head. "Impertinent whelp!" came her words but in a tone that spoke more of love than anger.

Mrs. Weasley smiled at Myrtle. "My youngest child does rattle on but he is right. I can't let you loose with just Harry. Wouldn't be right, you're twenty years behind the times and he has absolutely no idea of what young women wear. If I understood what was reported of your speech from this morning, school clothing isn't what you need. Ginny and Hermione can give you advise on what's in and out right now, and I can do the 'disapproving mother' routine. Ron, Bill and Harry can look like doting brothers and boyfried, all terribly bored with being dragged from store to store. OK, my dear?"

Myrtle slowly nodded, overwhelmed at the friendly reception and being included in the Weasley Circus. She started welling up in tears and threw herself at Mrs. Beasley, hugging her and crying into her shoulder.

"There, there, my dear. Welcome to the family," Mrs. Wheasley murmurered into Myrtle's hair as she stroked it. "Go ahead, no need to hold it back. Yes. Yes."

Finally, Myrtle cried herself out and pulled away, taking the handkerchief that Harry provided for her and dabbing her eyes.

"So. Where are we going for lunch?" Myrtle smiled at everyone. "I've heard people talking about McDonald's. Is it as good as they say it is?"


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Notes: Thanks for the two recent reviews. I wasn't sure if my ironic sense of humour and slow pace for the story was working but some people do like it.

Once again, the old admonishment: the original characters are still the intellectual property of the copyright-holders, and this is intended for your enjoyment only.

\- Eighth Chapter -

Harry watched Myrtle chowing down on a Quarter-Pounder with Bacon and Cheese with fries and a Coke with all of the determination of someone trying to decide if they liked something when they frankly didn't.

Myrtle put the remains of the burger on the wrapper and wiped her fingers on the napkin and then wiped her lips. "Am I missing something or is it pretty much like eating at the Little Chef?"

Mrs. Beasley snickered and patted Myrtle on the arm. "Probably it's the social thing more than anything else." Myrtle nodded and pushed the tray away, then reached back and grabbed her drink cup and slurped the remaining mouthfuls.

"I have to apologize for dragging everyone here and all," She quietly added.

Harry put down his burger and looked across the table. "Well, we'll try this again when you're in the mood for just getting out and having a snack."

Myrtle smiled and blushed. "Yes, I think that I built up all sorts of expectations. Where are we going shopping, Harry? "

"Selfridges. Way bigger than Harrods, but everyone thinks that Harrods is the place to go so it's stuffed with tourists. Add in the fact that Bill recommended it when I asked about shopping, and..."

She smiled and laughed. "You haven't been there before, have you?"

Harry blushed and looked down, then looked up with determination in his expression. He reached across the table and held her hands in his. "Don't worry. If Selfridges comes up short, we'll just have to go looking up and down the street and see what does catch your attention."

Myrtle looked at Mrs. Weasley, who was chuckling at the two of them. They snatched their hands apart and blushed furiously while everyone else laughed.

Mrs. Wesley shook her head. "When the lads were small, we used to take them into London just to see the Christmas decorations at Selfridges. It's a very good store, and one that knows about the wizarding world and our peculiarities. Of course, muggles have their own peculiarities, too. Selfridges has the motto 'the customer is always right' and they really do run the business that way. Myrtle, you'll find what you need there. Just relax and let yourself be surprised."

Myrtle nodded. "OK, let's get going then. How do we get there, floo or taxi or bus?"

"Probably two taxis, I think. One for the guys and one for the girls. That will give both of you room to look around and see the sights. Shall we pay the bill and go find a couple of taxis?"

As they piled out of the cab and got themselves organized in front of the main doors at Selfridges, someone walked out of the store and approached them.

"Mister Potter and company?", he queried with a smile.

Harry stepped forward. "That's me. Can I help you?"

"Actually, sir, it's how I can help all of you. I'm James Langley, the head of customer relations and I'd like to formally welcome you on your first visit to our establishment. If you'd like to come this way, we can get started."

They all looked at Bill, who was quietly looking anywhere but at them, then looked back and smirked. "Well, are you going in or not?"

They turned and walked after Mr. Langley as he stood beside a door held open by a doorman. "Right this way, and please just step inside."

Following the last of them in through the door, he skipped ahead of them and coughed into his hand to get their attention.

"I've been told by a certain gentleman," with a quick glance at Bill Weasley, "that this is your first trip to London and Selfridges. I've also been informed that a certain young lady is in need of a complete outfit. Rather than giving you the grand tour, I'd like to introduce you to Amanda, who is one of our product specialists and who can direct you to exactly the departments that you will need to visit."

"Also, I'd like to present you with your own shopping bags. They will have our logo and colours, but that will only last until you get home. At that point, they'll become useful bags for books or shopping. Also, you'll find that you cannot over-fill the bags and will only have about five pounds to carry around. Think of them as a more portable version of your school trunk." He winked a broad wink and tapped the side of his nose.

"Now, I'd like to thank you again for your patronage on behalf of the whole Selfridges staff and store, and hope that you can find everything that you need. Here is Amanda, who will be your guide for the rest of today. Amanda?"

He bowed as Amanda stepped forward and nodded to him. He then turned and walked briskly away, fading into the distance.

"Good afternoon, I'm Amanda Worthy. I've been assigned as your personal concierge, and yes, I'm one of you too," popping a wand out of her shirt pocket that looked remarkably like a mechanical pencil. "A word of caution, I've cast a do-not-notice hex on all of us so any other customers won't find you out of the ordinary. This will make your visit more enjoyable. However, I do ask that you still aim for a low-key approach, so please, no flying the brooms down the hallways or apparating yourself around; and we'll get along famously, OK?"

Even Ron nodded along with everyone else, and then raised his hand. "Excuse me, does that mean we'll get house points deducted?"

Everyone laughed and Amanda shook her head. "No, no house points, though I think that your mother would be having words with you. I've been told that Myrtle is in need of a complete outfitting..."

Myrtle rasied her hand, and blushed. "I g-g-g-guess that I'll n-n-n-need u-u-un-d-d-derwear first."

Amanda smiled. "That's OK, Myrtle. Just relax. Selfridges is here to serve you. First stop will be our fitting department, where you'll get measured. At least, the ladies will be measured. The guys will be seated in the reading area outside."

Amanda's smile turned absoltuley malicious as she looked at Harry, Ron and Bill.

An hour later, Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, Hermione and Myrtle exited the fitting department to find the three males sitting in the small "reading area", trying to look interested in women's and popular culture magazines while surrounded with racks of bra-and-pantie sets.

Harry and Ron's smiles said more about "thanks for rescuing us", which resulted in the three young ladies laughing at them while Amanda trailed along behind, hard-pressed to maintain a neutral businesslike expression.

Hermione couldn't resist twisting the dagger a bit. "Sorry fellows, but we're going to be here a while. Now that we all know our sizes, we have to start getting 'foundations'. So grab your bags and follow us while we pick them out. We're now ready to start shooping with a vengeance!"


	10. Chapter 10

Once again, the old admonishment: the original characters are still the intellectual property of the copyright-holders, and this is intended for your enjoyment only. If I get names and plot lines wrong, tough mammaries (the t-word) as I'm writing this at lunch and have no reference materials handy.

For everyone who has been waiting patiently, my apologies as I spent the summer studying for a "professional accreditation exam". For those who know what that means, and work in IT, I passed the GIAC GSEC exam (woo-hoo!). For those who have been quietly asking "where's Ranma", I guess that it's time for the big reveal…

\- And the mayhem ensues…. -

Myrtle woke and blinked her eyes, trying to focus on where she was. Oh yes, in the Solar with Harry, whose back she was snuggled up against. She wondered what had woken her so early, with the sun not yet risen over the Great Lake. Then she heard another one – a gentle quiet but booming toll of a very large bell somewhere nearby.

Sliding quietly out of the bed and trying hard not to wake or even jostle Harry, she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her dressing gown from the foot of the bed and then padded to the wash/dressing room.

A couple minutes later, dressed and at least a bit groomed, she walked over to the door and pulled on her walking boots and quietly opened the door into the hallway and stepped out of the Solar, pulling the door closed behind her.

Coming down the hidden staircase into the Gryffindor common room, she pushed the bookcase open and stepped through, peering around the room to make sure that no one was there. Snickering to herself, she muttered "here I am, getting up at the crack of dawn and tip-toeing around, afraid to make a sound. What are they going to do if I get caught out of my room? Deduct house points?"

She walked quietly across the room to the entrance portal and pushed through it, a muffled exclamation coming from the Fat Lady as Myrtle's pulling on the back of the portrait woke her up.

"Oh, it's you Myrtle!" she said. "Whatever are you doing up at this hour? Even the house elves are barely moving about."

"Good morning, I woke up with a bell ringing somewhere and I want to find out what is going on."

"Oh, I didn't hear anything but I'm surprised that young Mister Potter hasn't worn you out, what with all those new bags of clothing that were going in yesterday. I mean, what with your change of status….." She finally ran out of steam as Myrtle started blushing and went even redder as the implications of what the Fat Lady was implying filtered into her brain.

"Harry and I did talk about it and we decided that we needed to learn more about each other before either of us 'exercised our prerogatives' as some call it."

"Ah, young love!" the Fat Lady smiled and leaned forward conspiratorially. "Don't be in a rush to exercise them, only when the time feels right for both of you. Do you want me to keep that a secret?"

"Well, we don't want it shouted about and be common gossip, if that's what you mean," replied Myrtle, leaning forward and speaking in a whisper. "My reputation from before was not the best and I don't want Master Harry to be painted with the same brush. You know how rumors go around here, and how vicious some of them can be, don't you?"

The Fat lady straightened up. "You'll never hear that sort of thing from my lips! Well, unless I've managed to get drunk. Yes, 'loose lips sink ships' and I've sunk a few in my day….", she whispered back with a wistful tone in her voice. "Go on, I'll spread the word with the other portraits that this is a topic of great discretion and not to be bandied about. I'll also ask them to be quiet about your early morning excursion as well?"

"Oh no, milady. Just ask them to watch over me. I've never been up this early and might get lost or run into a monster or something terrible and need rescuing….."

The Fat Lady chuckled, winked and tapped the side of her nose. "Discretion and keeping an eye on you so you don't get lost. Proceed!"

With that the portrait swung back and Myrtle stepped over the frame and into the main hallway.

The tower hallway was almost misty with only the night-time torches providing light, and the staircases sitting in their 'rest' positions. Stepping over to the nearest stairway, she proceeded to the next levels and finally to the ground level, heading for the Great Hall and the main doors.

As she passed theGreat hall, one of the house elves busily cleaning the room looked up and dashed over. "Good morning, Miss Myrtle. We're not quite ready for breakfast, but I can get something from the kitchen if you want to wait a few minutes."

Myrtle shook her head. "No, thank you. I just heard this bell and I came looking to see what it is."

"Oh, THAT bell, miss" came the smiling response. "We have visitors arriving and their accommodation includes this whacking great bell. One of them must have come early and been ringing it this morning. Do you want to go and take a look before everyone else gets up?"

"Please, but I don't want to bother anyone, especially while you are getting set up for breakfast and claening and everything…." Her voice trailed off as another house elf came dashing up with an unlit torch and started bowing before her.

"Doobie is here to serve, mistress. Even though Doobie works for Hogwarts, Doobie's first loyalty lies with Master Potter and since you are Master Potter's…."

"Enough!" snapped the first house elf at the newcomer. "Doobie, have you finished your tasks?" Doobie nodded and shifted the torch against his shoulder. "Fine! Then accompany Miss Myrtle to the visitor's village and bring her back safely, and obey all of her instructions. Understand?"

"Doobie understands and Doobie will protect her, even at the cost of his life." Doobie then snapped into a military pose, shifted the torch into a classic British Army Slope arms position and saluted the other house elf.

The first house elf sighed and bowed to Myrtle. "Doobie will show you the way and will make sure that you don't get lost." The last comment was accomplished with a raised eyebrown and a glance at Doobie.

Doobie scampered ahead of Myrtle out through the Great Hall's doors and towards the main entrance, pausing while she caught up and then pushing a main door open while ingniting the torch and holding it aloft.

Stepping through the door and beside Doobie, she admired the view and then heard another gentle rumbling peal of the bell roll across the parkland.

Dobbie sniffed and chimed "Yes, there's magic in the bell, but Doobie finds that it only intends peace and tranquility. This way, mistress!" Holding the lit torch well over his head, he pointed to the east and walked slowly in that directin, casting backward glances to make sure that he kept her within the torch's light as they walked off across the parkland towards the quiddich pitch.

However, they weren't heading directly there, but were swinging down towards the grounds between the pitch and the lake. Another epal from the bell came from directly ahead of the,

"Doobie right, this is the shortest way there, mistress! See! We'll be there in a minute, just over the next hill."

The next hill was actually a gentle roll. As they came across the top, the moon broke through the clouds and illuminated the vale. What Myrtle saw was what looked like a small Japanese Shinto temple with a bell standing between the building complex and them. Myrtle then looked at the miniature pagoda from which the bell hung and realized that there was someone standing there, holding the suspended pole and swinging it back. Myrtle then realized that whoever it was, they were surrounded by a barely visible numbus that extended down the pole from wehre they gripped it.

Back the pole swung, paused and then forward against the bell. The booming gong was accompanined by a wave of the same faint nimbus that swept in all directions from the bell, up the hill and past them, almost blowing out the torch that Doobie held.

Myrtle looked down at Doobie. Doobie looked up at Myrtle.

Myrtle sighed. "Doobie, it looks like no one is really concerned about the bell, so everything must be all right. At least, I hope so. Shall we go down and introduce ourselves?"

"Doobie agrees but Doobie never seen these people before. Maybe, strange people hurt Doobie. Maybe strange people hurt mistress…." came his plaintive words.

"Well, let's go down and see what they are like. If it is bad people, I want you to apprate back to the Main Hall and raise the alarm, but not until I tell you to or something happens to me. Got that?"

Doobie shivered and then nodded. "Doobie ready, mistress."

With that, he started down the hill towards the pagoda with Myrtle just a step behind him.

As they got closer, Myrtle saw that there was a small lantern located against one of the pillars, with a small animal, possibly a dog or a cat, curled up beside it. With the light of the lantern shining across the pagoda, she saw that the person at the bell was actually a girl in a costume or uniform consisting of a white wide-sleeved top and red pantaloons and a red cord that was circling the upper body and tying back the sleeves so that her arms were bare.

The young lady in question, sighed then draw in a deep breath, her body obviously focusing on some effort. The nimbus became deeper and stronger around her as she pulled back on the pole, held it suspended against the ropes for a minute and then lt it swing forward, obviously controlling the strike against the massive bronze bell suspended in the middle of the pagoda-like building. The nimbus around the pole was sucked up by the bell and then burst out along with the ringing peal, blasting past everyone and causing Doobie's torch to flare and then die out.

The flare attracted the attention of the young lady. Stepping back from the pole and the bell, she bowed towards the bell and then turned and walked towards Myrtle. Stopping about five feet from Myrtle, the young lady smiled and bowed then straightened up and spoke a couple of sentences in Japanese.

Myrtle shrugged, and then spoke slowly and clearly. "Hello, My name is Myrtle, Myrtle Potter, and I am a ... a... a resident here at Hogwarts. Do you understand English?"

The young lady smiled again. "Hai. My apologies. I was so into the spell that I didn't realize that I was speaking Japanese. My name is Saotome Misuzu and, among other things, I am the resident shrine maiden. Would you like to have some tea to warm you up?"


	11. Chapter 11

Once again, the old admonishment: the original characters are still the intellectual property of the copyright-holders, and this is intended for your enjoyment only. If I get names and plot lines wrong, tough mammaries (the t-word) as I'm writing this at lunch and have no reference materials handy.

For everyone who has been waiting patiently, my apologies as I spent the last couple of months just reading other stories (lots of Harry Potter and Ranma) and letting the story percolate and brew. I then realized that I was following canon (well, mostly following...) and was starting to muddle items from the standard timeline. The result was doing something that I keep telling others to do - work on a set of notes on that is happening. Sat down and worked out the major events and personalities involved. Looks like 12 chapters worth of materials.

For those who have been quietly asking "where's Ranma", I guess that it's time for the big reveal…

Update: I've taken my own advise, and laid out the storyboard of the key scenes that will take the rest of the story, which started off in the 1996-97 academic year after the trail in from of the Wizengamott. For some reason, two sets of Les Miz Songs have crept into the scenarios as well as my mis-spent early youth (pre-teenager) which included a wide range of military and musical movies from the 1940s and 1950s. Here's the list of the key clips what are influencing them:

Movies in question:

watch?v=150hLZPeYqg

watch?v=34m5SPPZXQc

watch?v=rxZvDTnlvKM

Harry Potter Les Miz tributes:

watch?v=l7JexYO4Bn0 (7:17)

watch?v=MrOcyNSJ_fY

watch?v=hGHglMyTWfI

watch?v=vqCKRxN1Q8U

-o-o-o-o-o- And the mayhem ensues…. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- (;-P)

With that, Dobby started down the hill towards the pagoda with Myrtle just a step behind him.

As they got closer, Myrtle saw that there was a small lantern located against one of the pillars, with a small animal, possibly a dog or a cat, curled up beside it. With the light of the lantern shining across the pagoda, she saw that the person at the bell was actually a girl in a costume or uniform consisting of a white wide-sleeved top and red pantaloons and a red cord that was circling the upper body and tying back the sleeves so that her arms were bare.

The young lady in question, sighed then draw in a deep breath, her body obviously focusing on some effort. The nimbus became deeper and stronger around her as she pulled back on the pole, held it suspended against the ropes for a minute and then let it swing forward, obviously controlling the strike against the massive bronze bell suspended in the middle of the pagoda-like building. The nimbus around the pole was sucked up by the bell and then burst out along with the ringing peal, blasting past everyone and causing Dobby's torch to flare and then die out.

The flare attracted the attention of the young lady. Stepping back from the pole and the bell, she bowed towards the bell and then turned and walked towards Myrtle. Stopping about five feet from Myrtle, the young lady smiled and bowed then straightened up and spoke a couple of sentences in Japanese.

Myrtle shrugged, and then spoke slowly and clearly. "Hello, My name is Myrtle, Myrtle Potter, and I am a ... a... a resident here at Hogwarts. Do you understand English?"

The young lady smiled again. "Hai. My apologies. I was so into the spell that I didn't realize that I was speaking Japanese. My name is Saotome Misuzu and, among other things, I am the resident shrine maiden. Would you like to have some tea to warm you up?"

Myrtle bowed back. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. A tea would be wonderful. Should I call you Saotome or Misuzu?"

"My family name is Saotome, and my given name is Misuzu. When everyone arrives, there are going to be a lot more Saotiomes, so it's best to call me Misuzu as everyone else does. Until you get used to the proper honorifics that we use in Japan, let's leave it at that. Nei?"

"OK, if you don't mind, who am I to argue."

Misuzu bowed again. "Let's go down to the house and I'll make some tea. Green tea is all that I ahve at the moment. Our supplies will arrive with everyone else in about four hours' time."

What that, Misuzu stepped around the bell and walked towards one of the buildings, using the pre-dawn light to show the way. The small animal that had been curled up stretched itself and ran after Misuzu, jumping up at her clothes in an effort to get her attention.

Misuzu stopped and turnd around, giggling. "My apologies, Myrtle. My companion here is Kitsune No Kami, or Kitsune-kami-chan if you're going to be familiar."

Myrtle looked down and realized that it was not a small dog, but a fox kitten, that was now sitting and regarding her. In fact, it really looked as if it was regarding her and making up its mind.

Dobby stepped up beside her and said "Dobby thinks that you should be respectful towards this little one. It's a fox but more than just a regular fox."

With that, the fox sniffed and then fanned its tail, which became FIVE tails. Myrtle went goggle-eyed and the kitten sniffed, literally sounding like an old aunt telling someone 'I told you so.'

Myrtle squatted down and gave a short bow before looking at it directly. "Good morning, Kitsume Kami-sama. I hope that I got it right, because my Japanese is really bad and limited to what I remember from reading mangas years ago."

The young fox looked her up and down, then stepped over and put his front paws on her knees and sniffed her face, then licked her cheek. Myrtle laughed and giggled a bit, then quietly reached out and let the kitten sniff her hand. She then slowly reached over and scratched him behind his ears, and was rewarded by him leaning into her scratching and rolling his head to get a better angle.

Myrtle gave a slow pat and then stood up and bowed again. "Actually, I should introduce Dobby, who is a free bhouse elf for Harry Potter and works at Hogwarts."

Misuzu bowed and smiled at Dooby. "I am happy to meet you, Dobby-san. Please, come in and we'll all have tea."

...

A half hour later, Myrtle was sitting on the verandah, watching the sun rising over Black Lake, with Kitsume leaning against her and eyeing her teacup, while Dobby was trying hard not to sit quietly and be served and not punishing himself for actually doing nothing and/or enjoying himself. Misuzu sat beside her and took a final sip from her teacup and set it down into the saucer.

"I guess that we should be getting up to the school and get breakfast. It's going to be a long day with everyone arriving in..." Taking a quick look at her wristwatch. "In a bit more than three hours' time, at your quidditch arena. Shall we go?"

"What about Kisume?" asked Myrtle as she placed her cup and saucer on the table, noticing that Dobby had managed to accomplish standing with his as well as picking up the two other teacups and saucers from the table, placing them on the tray and then started reaching to pick up the tray.

"Dobby, leave them there. The world won't end when a house elf didn't bend themselves over backwards because something wasn't being servedor pick up and tidied. Kitsume? He might as well come with us. BUT, I have one warning, no shenanigans from you, wither in your mortal guise or fox. These are our hosts and we have to be aware of their sensibilities and be sensitive to them. Choose a form, choose an age and size and stick with it, okay?"

The fox sneezed once, then shifted form to that of a small child, about eight years of age, also in the same temple uniform as Misuzu. "Yes, Onee-sama. BUT, what happens if someone insults or even attack you? Can I go all Alpha-Male like Oni-san?" The small figure did a quick shift to a humanoid fox-shape that looked like it weighed about 300 pounds wearing a white gi, and then back to the little child.

"Only if I can't handle it and it looks as if Myrtle is in danger."

Myrtle looked back and forth, her forefinger in the same direction. "Did... did..."

"um-hum," smiled Misuzu. "The Kami-sama tend to have favourite forms. My grandfather's temple has its own kitsume, who is the Oni-san that this little one copied. Kitsume-sami-sama probably should be called Kitsume-sami-kun by everyone at the temple, but no one really wants to call her that until Oni-san uses it, and he's not about to do that just to aggravate everyone. Of course, everyone else is too polite to show themselves, but are proud to be a temple with TWO kitsume-sama, even if one is in training and probably will go to another temple. Shall we go?"

With that, the four stepped over towards the doors and put their outdoors shoes on and slippers away, Myrtle going close to cross-eyed seeing that there were now four pairs of outdoor shoes. She looked over to Misuzu, who chuckled and replied drily "goes with the territory, reality realigns to match the kitsume's form and disposition, or does the kitsume do that themselves. You going to be the first to ask the question?"

Myrtle giggled quietly and shook her head. "Not me, I may be curious but I'll leave that to Hermione who's absolutely courageous in asking the difficult questions if she can't find the answers in her books."

KItsume-kami reached up and took Myrtle's hand and started pulling her along. "That sounds like fun! I wonder how long I can go with giving her an answer before she screams in frustration!"

Myrtle looked down into the expectant face of the child-god. "Depends on how detailed you give her an answer. If you're clever enough, the circular logic of the incorrect answer can take quite some time to present, then you have to factor in how lang ti takes her to process and analyze your answer, then she'll start a slow burn. I figure you probably can have her go for at least a day. That is, if you're clever enough."

"Ah, Myrtle-sama, all kitsume are 'clever enough', but some of us are so clever that we tell them the truth but in such a long and roundabout way that takes forever to finish, and then they realize that we probably were lying and there's no way of telling if it is or it isn't. They're usually the ones that are so smart that they get caught in man's traps."

Myrtle waled along and considered the statment and then chuckled. "And us humans have no way of telling which is which until we set out our own traps, right?"

"Misuzu-onee-sama, this one is good! Can I keep her? And say that she followed me home? Can I?" The little kitsume-child pulled the cutest please-may-I expression that Myrtle could remember seeing.

They all laughed, even Dobby, as they walked up to the main doors and through them into the Entrance Hall, then turned right into the Dining Hall.

The usual hub-bub of students getting their breeakfasts and discussing the day's classes and missed assignments died out as everyone turned and looked at the two new visitors in the company of the noteworthy ex-student and ex-ghost.

Screwing up her courage, Myrtle spoke out lound and clearly. "Good morning, I'd like to introduce Saotome Misuzu who is a shrime maiden and part of our incoming instructors from Japan, and this little one is Kitsume-kami-sama who is accopanying them. According to Misuzu, the remaining Japanese visitors will be arriving in about three hours' time. "

Looking across the Hall, Myrtle saw Professor McGonicall waving at her and motioning that they should come forward. With that, Myrtle walked down the aisle between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables. "Sorry," she whispered to Misuzu and Kitsume. "This is the quickest wayto the head table. Watch your step with the Slytherins, especially Draco Malfoy and his henchmen. Heaven knows, what they think they can get away with..."

A squawk came from Misuzu who was bringing up the rear. She spun around and glared at a platinum blonde who was sporting a massive smirk. "What is your name, little boy?" she snarled.

"Draco Malfoy" came from the surrounding table and Myrtle.

"You take great liberties with the person who you have not met before, LITTLE MISTER MALFOY! No gentlemen rubs the bum of any woman, let alone pinches her!"

Draco stood and assumed a pose of wounded innocense. "Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, did any of you see me TOUCH this LADY?" Crebbe and Goyle immediately denied that they had not seen the incident, in spite of sitting opposite Malfoy, and Pansy Parkinson hung her head and whispered "I really didn't see anything."

"See? No one saw anything?"

"BULLSHIT, Malfoy! Did anyone else see anything happen?" Mitsuzu looked around her and saw the expressions of those sitting around being realy embarassed and some quietly nodding but trying to keep Malfoy from seeing them.

"I thought so, little man. You are a bully as well as a reprobate. You've got five seconds to apologize or I will smite you."

Malfoy smirked at her. "Why should I apologize if I did nothing that needs apologizing for? I'm a wizard and you're a muggle. I can smell that from here."

Misuzu's expression went from furious to raging to being stone-faced. "Very well, Draco Malfoy. You have sealed your fate. I am not JUST a muggle; I am a MAJOU SHOJO. Do you know what that mean?"

"Still sounds like muggle to me. Pompous muggle, from the sound of it. A bit trumped up, are you?"

Kitsume dragged Myrtle towards the front of the room. "Oh, boy! He's in for it now! She's gonna blow and it won't be pretty!"

Myrtle looked down at the anxious face looking up at her and moved quickly, if only to keep from having Misuzu crashing into her and Kitsume.

"Academy City Power, Make-Up!" she shouted as she reached up and over her shoulder, pulling what looked like a halberd out of the air, which took on the form of a rifle-like instrument that was levelled into the face of Draco. "I suggest that you apologize and make it an honest apology, with no quibbling and reticence."

Draco reached into his robe and pulled out his wand. "Do you think that that toy and a silly chant will scare me. Go on, show me your worst!"

"Academy City Power, Make-Up! Charge-Up! Full-power!" The rifle glowed and the glow spread to Misuzu, enclosing her like a robe, that faced away, revealing her in a very slinky, shortened and satin version of her shrine maiden outfit. The rifle now looked heavier and more substanial, with a glowing circle and shield-like nimbus about the muzzle. A low-keyed howling started as the nimbus became more solid and seemed to be spinning about the rifle faster and faster.

A low-keyed rumble came from the tables and benches in the Hall as they slid back and away from the direct firing line between Misuzu, Malfoy and the far wall of the Main Hall, even the wall plaques and hangings shifted along the wall or upwards to get out of the way. The windows narrowed and created bows to remove themselves from the line of fire as much as they could.

"Mister Malfoy" came from two men at the front of the room, but he ignored them. "Go on, muggle! Show me what you've got and then I'll show you what I have! Go on, take your best shot, or is that just a pretty girl trying to be a powerful mage. Hah!"

"On your head be it, little boy!" snarled Misuzu. "Academy City Power, Shoot!"

"Boom! Boom-Boom!" resounded in the absolutely silent Main Hall and the nimbus flared and a beam shot out striking the nimbus that appeared around Malfoy and punching its way through to his chest. Malfoy then flew the length of the Main Hall and smashed into the wall, still surrounded by remains of his nimbus, with cracks and sprays of shards surrounding him. In fact, he was now partially embedded into the wall which now held him suspended two feet off of the floor. He slowly leaned forward and then fell to the floor, making no move to protect his face from hitting the floor, followed by teh rest of his body.

Into the still quiet Main Hall, can a ancient voice. "A hundred points from Slytherin for disreputable conduct and not offering an apology when demanded."

Another voice called out in a sarcastic tone "Another hundred points from Slytherin for being so stupid as to blindly challenge someone without knowing what their abilities are."

A third voice then chimed in from the back of the Hall. "Two hundred bloody points from Slytherin for leaving marks in the walls, and who's going to pay to the bloody repair bill?" came from the scruffy man with an orange marmalade cat that was sniffing the head of Malfoy as he lay on the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Notes:

WARNING (MATURE CONTENT). You've been warned. If you're under the age of majority for your country, stop reading this. Graphic description and scenarios. However, in all truth, I haven't gotten as far as that yet and my writing style is tending towards PG-15 and AA at worst. The M rating and warning are there just in case I happen to violate your local or parental guidelines.

Once again, I have to advise that this is not a canon-based story, and that I do tend to muff the proper names of the characters. Please bear with me as Japanese is not my first (second or third or nth language.)

Feel free to post comments or reviews. Interesting ones will get replies. Plot suggestions are welcome. Just remember that we are off-canon and that this is a romantic comedy (read embarassing and tsuendre moments).

Most importantly, the canon characters are the property of the copyright holders, and this is intended for the non-commercial use and enjoyment of the reader.

_**And the mayhem continues…. (;-P)**_

Draco woke up, and tried to keep from moaning or worse yet, crying, with the pain that he was feeling. Opening his eyes by the merest bit, he scanned his surroundings. Hospital Ward….. curtains blocking out the view of anyone nearby but he could hear the bustle and clatter of the hose elves brining patients their breakfasts and Miss Pomfrey talking to someone in the distance.

He drew a quiet sigh and closed his eyes again to try and go back to sleep.

"Mr. Malfoy! I know that you are awake and I want to talk to you" came the sibilant whisper, denoting the anger of the speaker and his holding that anger in and keeping quiet so as not to disturb anyone in the area.

He sighed and opened his eyes. "Hello, godfather," he whispered back, observing Professor Snape now holding the edge of the bed curtain and leaning over him, his large nose inches away from his. Draco was doing everything that he could not to have the usual reaction of most other students getting such a close scrutiny from the Potions Master which usually involved racing hearts, screaming like little girls and abject terror.

"Godfather indeed, Draco!" Snape sniffed as he straightened himself and then sat in the chair beside the bed. Draco turned his head to look at him. "And what, pray tell, was going through that head of yours when you decided to perform the stupid act of invading the personal space of an older woman that you knew nothing about and then taunt her when she showed signs of not being an ordinary Muggle?"

Draco sighed and gently pulled his arms back over his head, ignoring the creaks and pains of moving his arms, and then tucking them behind his head, trying for a sense of boredom that he was definitely not feeling.

That only resulted in Snape standing over him and then leaning forward again.

"If you are going to behave in that manner, maybe I should leave you to the tender mercies of you mother, who is talking to Missus Saotome right now. MISTER Saotome may wish to talk to you later IN PRIVATE!"

"Ah, that got a reaction," smirked Snape as he leaned back and crossed his arms. "In case you haven't figured it out, you've been unconscious for THREE days, and your mother was informed of your arrival in the Infirmary and Floo'ed here immediately. She's been away from your bedside only for necessary items like eating and resting."

Draco swallowed and gently started feeling himself and gently sitting up in bed, wincing at the twinges from bruises and sore muscles, until Snape placed his hand on Draco's chest and gently pushed down until Draco returned to his reclining position.

"Stay there while I perform a diagnostic scan and check with Miss Pomfrey," came Snape's voice in a quiet and gentle tone, totally different from his usual mannerisms. Whipping out his wand, he performed the flip-and-sweep of a medical scan and then looked at the imagery appearing over Draco's chest, then snapped the wand again, catching the parchment roll that appeared.

"Stay still, and don't do anything really stupid. Better yet, don't do anything, period." With that, he turned and walked out through the surrounding bed curtain.

Draco heard his receding steps and then Snape's now-quiet voice as he presented Miss Pomfrey with the scan results. Her response was too quiet for Draco to hear but he quickly shifted slightly when their steps approached the bed.

Miss Pomfrey looked down at him and shook her head as she went over the diagnostic scan again. "Bruises, sprains, broken ribs, concussion, torn ligaments, … Three days of continuous Bone Healer potions, blood builder potions, Dreamless Slumber potions, nerve builder potions, pain potions,… Might as well call it the entire potions cabinet, plus a few advanced healing potions that Professor Snape brewed in record time. You are a very lucky young man, Mister Malfoy, to have survived such an impact. You were able to start invoking an Impervious spell which saved you, mostly….."

She tsked and shook her head as she continued examining the parchment. Draco started fearing that he was going to be permanently bed-ridden when she put down the parchment and looked closely into his eyes. "Hmmmm!" she went as she thumbed his eyelids individually and took a close look at each eye and probably all the way to the back of the eyeball.

She then released his eyelids and moved her hand over his head, findings and massaging a large bump on the back of his head. Darco twinged and sucked in his breath then she found that and went "hmmmm" again. She then examined each of his ears in minute detail.

She then proceeded to quietly massage and feel his neck and then stated down his shoulders and arms with the same attention to detail and ensuring that nothing was left unexamined and untouched. She started to pull Darco's left arm up and give it the same level of attention when Draco heard Snape cough and intone "arms are fine, he copped attitude when I was talking to him earlier so there's nothing wrong with them."

Miss Pomfrey stopped her eamination of Draco's arm and looked over her shoulder at Snape "Attitude? He copped attitude?"

Snape sniffed and put his arms in the same position that Draco had previously used, shifted his face into the same expression that Draco had previously used, and then intoned "nothing you can say or do means absolutely anything to me. THAT attitude."

Draco tried channeling his best Severus Snape is not happy expression at his godfather. Snape looked down at him with disdain and then smirked. Draco felt that he was going to get a significant does of payback in the next few minutes.

"Curtains!" snapped Miss Pomfrey and Snape meekly turned and closed the curtains, ensuring their privacy. Draco swallowed and Miss Pomfrey quickly and gently pulled the blanket and sheet from their current position to the foot of the bed, leaving Draco covered by nothing but his pyjamas.

"Top! Open!" she snapped at Draco. Before he even though of resisting, his hands were applying themselves to the buttons. When he finished, she opened the pyjama top open and started her detailed examination agin, going over every inch of this front and sides. Draco found that he still retained several ticklish spots from his childhood and squirmed when she hit them, eliciting more "Hmm!"s from her but nothing else. She then gently massaged his breasts and tweaked his nipples. Draco wasn't sure what he was supposed to do but turn red with embarrassment. Another "Hmmm!" followed by a "Good!"

Draco started getting a feeling tha she was going to examine everything, and then Miss Pomfrey confirmed that with a "Pants! Off!"

Draco sighed and started pulling down his pyjama pants, resigned to loosing all of his already-tattered dignity in front of his godfather and Head of House. He had a momentary feeling of elation when he found that he was still wearing his underwear. Miss Pomfrey looked and said "cute!" and then assisted him in removing the pyjama pants by the simple expedient of going to the foot of the bed, grasping the hems of the pants and then whipping them off in one snatch.

"Well, there goes everything," he muttered to himself. Miss Pomfrey looked up and smiled. "Oh, don't worry, this is a total examination" as she shifted up the bed on his left side.

With that, she lifted his left leg gently, moved the hip through its full range of motion, followed by the knee, ankles and toes, then manipulated each muscle by massaging them. This was followed by her moving to the other side of the bed and repeating the exercise on his right leg.

"Good!" she said and then looked at Draco's underwear and quirked her right eyebrow in the same way that Snape did with a stupid (read Weasley) student in the Potions class.

Draco slowly shook his head.

"Yes! Them too! Now! Down!"

Snape had the good manners to smother his snicker behind a cough, seeing Draco's expression and Miss Pomfrey gently started rolling the underwear down and pulling them off. Draco tried quietly shifting his hands to cover his anatomy and jewels.

Miss Pomfrey just as quietly grasped his wrists and lifted his hands up unto his chest. "As I said, it's a total examination."

She then proceeded to poke and probe his lower abdomen, and Draco started to think that maybe she wasn't going to go THERE.

What he was not ready for was his body's reaction of sucking his testicles up as far as they could go, and his penis to firm up.

By the time that she was finished her manipulation of his lower belly, Draco wished he had died when he had hit the wall. Nothing could match the embarrassment that he was currently feeling.

That was when Miss Pomfrey reached down between his legs and gently started rolling his testicles with one hand as she pulled his penis to the side to get a good look at it. She then let go of the testicles and then started a two-handed examination of his penis, feeling every vein and giving everything a gentle squeeze. Draco wanted to close his eyes but could only stare down his body at what she was doing.

"Cup!" she snapped over her shoulder, and Draco could see one of Snape's hands reach over his body to position a sample cup where she could grasp it.

She then shifted his penis with one hand and then squeezed a couple of spots along the shaft while positioning the head in the cup. Draco felt a massive push from his insides and along his penis, and spurts sprayed from the penis into the cup.

Draco fainted.


	13. FILLER ITEM

Author's note: this is a sort of response to an extended review of the story with one reviewer and we were kicking around ideas and concepts. This one came up on my Facebook page and I had to add it, as it will describe what happens to Draco Malfoy through the rest of the story.

Replace "COYOTE" with "Draco Malfoy" and "ROAD RUNNER" with "Majou Shojo"... some additinal translation may be required but you'll see where things are going for the next while.

Search Mental_Floss for "Chuck Jones' Rules for Writing Road Runner Cartoons

**Here's a slightly longer version of the rules that ****Jason Kottke shared**** a few years back:**

**1.** The Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "meep, meep."

**2.** No outside force can harm the Coyote - only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products. Trains and trucks were the exception from time to time.

**3.** The Coyote could stop anytime - if he were not a fanatic.

**4.** No dialogue ever, except "meep, meep" and yowling in pain.

**5.** The Road Runner must stay on the road - for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.

**6.** All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters - the southwest American desert.

**7.** All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.

**8.** Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.

**9.** The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.

**10.** The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.

**11.** The Coyote is not allowed to catch or eat the Road Runner.


	14. Chapter 13

Author's Notes:

WARNING (MATURE CONTENT). You've been warned. If you're under the age of majority for your country, stop reading this. Graphic description and scenarios. However, in all truth, I haven't gotten as far as that yet and my writing style is tending towards PG-15 and AA at worst. The M rating and warning are there just in case I happen to violate your local or parental guidelines.

Once again, I have to advise that this is not a canon-based story, and that I do tend to muff the proper names of the characters. Please bear with me as Japanese is not my first (second or third or nth language.)

Feel free to post comments or reviews. Interesting ones will get replies. Plot suggestions are welcome. Just remember that we are off-canon and that this is a romantic comedy (read embarrassing and tsuendre moments).

Most importantly, the canon characters are the property of the copyright holders, and this is intended for the non-commercial use and enjoyment of the reader.

Supplemental information: One of my reviewers and I had an extensive conversation about the timeline and where this story kicks in, and what events are actually out of the control of the Golden Trio. I pulled up my current timeline reference (Harry Potter Lexicon: Order of the Phoenix) and took a good hard look at the events that I've described in the story as well as where I'm planning to move my storyline relative to the canon events especially with the MofM and Voldemort.

This chapter takes place on September 4th, 1995. Turns out that Harry, Ron and Hermione went to Hogwarts early as it is easier to protect them there after the trail, and Draco went early as he wouldn't have to hang around Malfoy Manor and mope because his father was in Azkaban (so he goes off to Hogwarts early so he can sit around and mope and hang out with his friends...), plus students who are studying for their OWLs and NEWTs.

Looking at how the chapter is going as I write it, this will be considerably longer than the previous chapters.

Speaking of length, here's a shout out to PixelWriter1, who just went through the ONE MILLION WORD MARK with Desperately Seeking Ranma. Maybe one more chapter to go, and you wont get any teasers or plot line clues from me - you're going to have to read the 85-plus chapters yourself.

_**And the mayhem continues…. Draco faces worse things than before (;-P)**_

Draco woke up, and tried to keep from moaning or worse yet, crying, with the embarrassment that he was feeling. Opening his eyes by the merest bit, he scanned his surroundings. Still the Hospital Ward….. curtains blocking out the view of anyone nearby.

That's when he noticed Miss Pomfrey regarding him and quietly taking notes on a parchment attached to a clipboard with Snape pointing out something.

"Ah! You've awoken." She looked at a small timepiece on her wrist and then made a note on the parchment. "Now, roll over and we'll finish."

With that, she flipped the sheet that had been covering him to his waist back, revealing that he was still wearing only his pajama top.

He started to roll over and became tangled in the top. Snape stepped forward and helped him get his arms organized and the top off.

Draco muttered "some how, some where, I am going to pay you back."

Snape cocked his eyebrow at Draco. "Are you going to include Miss Pomfrey in that? After all, she's performing a necessary medical function. After being injured that seriously, she's required to verify that you are fully healed. I'm only acting as her assistant since I've seen you naked from the day you were born."

Draco sniffed. "And how many times since I've been here at Hogwarts? That was when I was a baby…."

Snape snickered and stepped back. "He's all yours, Miss Pomfrey. However, you might want to give him a muscle relaxant before you finish the last step in your examination."

Miss Pomfrey looked up from her parchment. "I'm sorry did I miss something? Of well, roll over now and lay on the towel that's beside you. We can finish this in five minutes and then you can go and visit your mother."

Draco sighed and rolled over, favoring the bruises and sore muscles that were still complaining. He managed to get the towel to cover his groin area as well.

Miss Pomfrey started at his neck and did the same style of examination that she'd previously done on his chest front. Draco still twitched and giggled when she hit the ticklish sports or grunted when anything sore was encountered.

She went down and worked over his buttocks as Draco sighed and closed his eyes, concentrating on anything but the fact that she was getting closer and closer to THAT spot.

"Now, Mister Malfoy, I'm going to have to use some lubricant here. It'll feel cold."

Cold was not the word that Draco wanted to use to described the dollop that hit him square on his rosebud. "Bugger!" popped out before he could quash the word and he sucked in his breath and clenched his rear cheeks.

"Ah, they all do that, Mister Malfoy. Now, relax and this won't be difficult; but if you persist in clenching yourself like that, it will really hurt. I may have to numb your whole bottom and that will take about a half hour to come back to normal. If you relax, this won't take more than a minute or two."

Draco concentrated on relaxing himself and getting things over with but the thought of someone actually touching that part of his body made him cringe and clench himself.

"SMACK!" went a hand on his rear cheeks. Draco twisted around a bit and started to bellow "Why did you do that?" when he realized that there now was a couple of fingers moving where no finger should be.

"Now, Draco, I'm going no further, and I'm just going to twist around a bit. I have to check to see if you have any polyps. Polyps are not good and may require intervention, perhaps even surgery. Hmmmm… nothing that needs attention. Okay, Draco, I just have to do one thing more. We already have a sperm sample but I need to check this particular response. It's perfectly natural how your body will react when I touch it, so don't worry and be embarrassed. Just a touch and…."

Draco felt her hand shift and the fingers slide further in and twist around. What he was not expecting was the rush and muscular rhythm that had caused his fainting before. This time he did not faint but merely grunted in surprise.

"Good!" went Miss Pomfrey. "All done!" Her fingers slid out and she wiped down his bottom with a towel and the Draco felt the swish of a cleansing spell wash over him and the bed, returning everything to a clean, ungreased and spotless condition.

Draco looked over his shoulder to see her wiping herself with another towel and then making notes on the parchment.

"Healed but not fully healthy. I want you to take the potions that you'll be given on the schedule that I'll give you. If you have any reactions or the potions are not working as they should and you do not feel well, I want you back here immediately, day or night. No sports or heavy or strenuous activities for a week. You can go into the swimming pool but no rough-housing or swimming. The proctor's bath is a good idea, and I'll authorize that. No classes for the next week, but you can study and do any written assignments, but no potions or magic! Understand?"

Draco thought about the implications of what was being asked for. "Okay, Miss Pomfrey. But what about if someone wants a piece of me magically?"

"Best to avoid the situation. However, I'll pass this along to all the other professors that you are forbidden to use magic for the next week, and that anyone taking advantage of this will face severe consequences. However, this is not an excuse for you to be a total prat. If it's your fault, you'll face the consequences. Hmmmm?"

"Okay, Miss Pomfrey. I'll behave myself," he muttered with his head down. Gathering himself, he straightened and looked Miss Pomfrey and Snape in the eye and nodded. "I mean it."

Miss Pomfrey smiled. "Well, time for you to get dressed and go down and talk to your mother and let her know that you can be trusted out of bed and about. I know that she'll want to talk to me about you and I'll be expecting her." She waved her want and Draco's clothing disappeared to be replaced by proper attire for a day off, sans school robe. "As I said, no classes for a week; so, no robes are needed."

With that, she pushed Snape out through the curtain and followed, twitching the curtain back into position before they walked away.

Draco waited, listening to their footsteps fade into the distance, then reached for his underwear and started pulling it on, followed by the rest of what was on the foot of the bed. He looked down and saw his shoes sitting beside the bead and stepped into them. Pulling the curtain aside, he waled toward the exit from the Infirmary, passing by Miss Pomfrey's office and waving at her and Snape as he passed.

Stopping outside the door, he took a look around and drew a deep breath, then headed for the Grand Staircase. Reaching the main floor, he turned and entered the Dining Hall, spotting his mother sitting at the Slytherin table, talking to someone behind her that he couldn't see. Walking down the room, he saw his mother lean back roaring with laughter and he realized that her conversation companion was none other than... than... the name crept to his consciousness... Missus Saotome, who'd punched him into the wall with her power, Mahou Shoujo or whatever it was called. Swallowing his now dry mouth, he sighed and walked forward, trying to present the calm and cool exterior while he guts said otherwise.

His mother looked around and saw him approaching, and quirked one eyebrow. Draco wondered if everyone attending Hogwarts in the past learned that same twitch and means of communicating an entire conversation in a single look. Must be something that only adults could do, he thought.

Walking up beside her, he bent and placed a gentle kiss on his mother's cheek and whispered "I have to do this first, mother."

Straightening again, he bowed in the direction of Misuzu Saotome. "Missus Saotome, I humbly apologize for my behaviour the other day. I invaded your person and treated you in a manner that was not acceptable to anyone who has attended Hogwarts. I ask your forgiveness and pledge you my were gild for the injury that I performed on your dignity and person. It was an act of a moment and I pledge myself not to repeat it again to you or any other person."

Misuzu also did the eyebrow quirk and smiled. She stood up and bowed just as far as he had, but held it a moment longer. "I accept your apology and wish to give you one of my own. My profession as a healer should have stayed my reaction towards you. I over-reacted and caused injury to you. For that, I am sorry and ask your forgiveness. I can only promise to treat you with the dignity and respect that any student of Hogwarts deserves from a member of staff. Actually, I accept your apology as your were gild and offer any reasonable were gild of my own."

Draco looked down for a moment as he thought, and then bowed to her once again, holding his bow just as long as she had. "I accept your apology, and I decline your were gild as you declined mine. However, if there is anything that I can do for you, ask and if it is within my power and ability to deliver, I will make every effort to do so."

Misuzu started to bow again, and then laughed. "Mister Malfoy, Draco. We could be here all day offering and accepting apologies along with platitudes. Let us call that even and all honour satisfied. However, you can do one thing for me. Your mother and I were talking about recent events in your lives. My job here at Hogwarts for the next year is School Counselor, which means that I am available to listen to students with problems. I may not be able to offer any solutions, but sometimes even listening to someone talk about their lives is a help. I realize that you may feel that this is an invasion of your family's privacy, but what has happened has affected you and you're showing that in your recent activities, including what happened between us. All I'm doing is making an offer, to have me sit with you and listen to how you are feeling about yourself, your family and life as a while. Think about it and let me know which way you want to go. However, remember this: whatever you decide to tell me stays between the two of us. I can't talk about even generalities of our conversation without your permission. OK?"

Malfoy looked her in the eye and then gave a slight bow. "I understand, Missus Saotome. I'll try to think about it and give you my answer. I may have more questions before I can give my answer. Seeing my mother laugh like she just did is something that I haven't seen for quite some time, so there must be something to what you are asking from me."

Draco felt a hand on his shoulder and turned into the hug that his mother wrapped him in. Holding the hug for almost a minute, he gently pulled back from her and whispered "thanks for coming, Mother. My stupidity almost cost me my life, and if it wasn't for Miss Pomfrey and Severus Snape, I wouldn't be standing here now. I shouldn't have scared you like that, it was totally inexcusable, what I did and said was absolutely stupid. Not as a Malfoy, not as a Slytherin, hell, not even as a person. I was feeling hollow and angry and looking for something, anything to fill that hollowness and let me vent that anger on something, anyone. I took it out on Missus Saotome here and ramped things up rather than admitting that I was in the wrong."

Narcissa pulled him into a tight hug again, and then smoothed his hair with the hands and wiped his tears with her thumbs. "I know, dear. we've all been out of sorts lately and you more than anyone else. Come, sit with us and let me cuddle you. Heaven knows I need it and you probably do. Give me a minute and then I'll let you go."

Draco sighed and hugged back. "It massively embarrassing but I'm glad that you're here."


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Notes:

WARNING (MATURE CONTENT). You've been warned. If you're under the age of majority for your country, stop reading this. Graphic description and scenarios. However, in all truth, I haven't gotten as far as that yet and my writing style is tending towards PG-15 and AA at worst. The M rating and warning are there just in case I happen to violate your local or parental guidelines.

The usual warnings and messages from the last chapter apply to everything that I'm posting.

One item that I mentioned in the author's notes from the last chapter that it would have been considerably longer. My apologies, but I just started hitting a wall and wanted to do a skip but how the heck do you do a break such that it comes out as a sequence? I'm using RTF format under Kingsoft Writer. Suggestions on how to do this is welcome.

The next chapter will have the events for the rest of the day.

Interesting comments or reviews. Interesting ones will get replies, as will plot suggestions or guesses where the story may be going. Just remember that we are off-canon and that this is a romantic comedy (read embarrassing and tsuendre moments).

Most importantly, the canon characters are the property of the copyright holders, and this is intended for the non-commercial use and enjoyment of the reader.

Supplemental information: One of my reviewers had commented on my SP&amp;G errors, so I've flipped to using Kingsoft Writer and spell-check rather than doing a manual review. My general writing style is to do what is called "flow-of-consciousness writing" and generally do not have detailed research notes that I follow. Which does result in errors and omissions from my poor memory (or remembering things out of sequence) with the original canon (serious things like remembering things happening in the "past" and different years.)

AN Supplemental (MAY 2, 2015) - I've been getting "where's Ranma?" reviews, both signed and "guest" (or rather possibly trolls since they didn't post under their account names and allowed me to respond. So I'm responding to the profane trollsters - As the story developed from original concept, Ranma and the NWC have always been planned to be part of the story. As the chapters came, it is now that Ranma and crew are really secondary characters. For those who can't stand this, my apologies and suggest that you read "Desperately Seeking Ranma" for a Ranma-centric story. In this story, Ranma and crew are Hogwarts staff and assist the students develop skills needed to put you-know-who in his justely-deserved desserts. Troll reviews will not speed up my writing and you can just go away... Those who do post reviews under their name will get replies and serious discussion of the story and its underpinnings.

This chapter takes place on September 4th, 1995. I'm going to add timeline references using the HP Lexicon as a general reference.

A shoutout to chinaglaze, who I accidentally sent one of my review replies to when she was actually replying to my review of her story. WHOOPSIE! Embarassing moment, but she did read the start of this story and was very generous with her praise and mentioned my SP&amp;G issues, which resulted in my trying to use Word and the spell-checker.

_**And the mayhem continues…. Draco faces the new staff members and exchange students**_

Narcissa tightened her hug and then pushed Draco back and looked him in the face while resting her hands on his shoulders.

"Thanks for letting me baby you a bit. It's been a long, long time since you let me do that. I'm going to stay around and see the old school for a bit. I promise that I won't embarrass you and demand hugs and kisses, or at least, not too much."

She pushed him back a bit and then waved her hands in the classic go-away gesture. "Go and get some air. You don't need to sit around with me all the time. I'll see you at lunch and at dinner; and then I'll be going home and letting you get on with your school life. However, I'll let you know that I'll be talking to Miss Pomfrey about your injuries and if there's anything that I can do. Now, go."

With that, Draco stood up and bowed to his mother, giving her another kiss on the check, and then bowed formally to Misuzu who nodded back with a smile that reached her eyes as well. He then turned and walked down the gap between the benches towards the doors, where he stopped and looked back, giving a light wave to his mother, and then stepped into the hallway.

The dent in the wall drew his attention. Someone had added a small sign beside the dent, reading "Health Warning: Do not harass or back-talk a Mahou Shoujo, It will NOT be pretty. For details, please contact Draco Malfoy. Meep! Meep!" Someone else had added a sign on a stick where his right hand had been. This sign just had the large letters for "Momma!' on it with the small letters below "Mfg by the Acme Manufacturing Company, Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States" Nothing made sense except for the indirect jibe about him, though nothing seemed to be nasty or really poking fun at what had happened. Shrugging, he turned towards the main entrance and walked out on to the staircase and down unto the grounds. He stopped and looked around, trying to decide where to go when he heard shrieks and laughs coming from the vicinity of the Quidditch Pitch.

He looked over and saw figures climbing and dropping and piroetting in the air over the pitch. "At least someone's fun," he muttered and started walking along the pathway that led past the Whomping Willow to the Pitch.

As he reached the bend that led past the furthest reach of the tree and down towards the pitch, he saw Ron Weasley reading a book and frantically flipping pages and taking notes as he muttered angrilly to himself. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, Draco walked down and stood in front of Ron but to the side and looked off towards the Pitch, with his hands in his pants pockets.

"Can you believe it, Malfoy? They let them use that instead of brooms!" came Ron's angry voice from behind him within seconds.

"Hunh! Not using brooms? Sorry, I didn't really look." replied Draco, keeping his voice level and neutral, which he figured would tick off Weasley more than a bit of sarcasm. Besides, he wanted to see what had gotten Weasley so worked up, even it was Quidditch.

Looking towards the pitch, he looked closely and saw that not all of the people whizzing around in an obvious practice session were not using regulation brooms. In fact, it looked a lot like boards or planks of various sizes. Not only that, but they were flying in an aggressive manner that showed good knowledge and skills, pretty well the equal of any of the Hogwarts teams, and possibly close to that of professional teams.

"Boards of some sort," Draco replied.

"Yeah, and the rulebook says that only brooms can be used! Here! Come look for yourself!"

Draco stepped over and sat beside Ron and took the book that Ron pushed into his hands. "Quidditch Through the Ages, Yes, as close to the official rules as you can get." Flipping the book open, Draco looked at the pages randomly and verified his memory against what the pages were saying. Opening the book to the frontpiece, he noted the dedication and publication date.

"Ah Weasley, look here. This might be the problem." Pointing at the dedication and publication date, he handed the book over.

"Dedicated to Her Majesty, Victoria, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India on the occassion of her Diamond Jubilee and sixty years as Queen. Published, July 1897."

Draco closed his eyes as he did a fast calculation. "That's ninety-eight years ago. Rules can change in that period of time. Where did you get this copy?"

"Same place as you - the Library," replied Ron as he flipped the book to the sign-out sheet and pointed at the lists of students who'd signed it out over the years. "Even you," he said as he pointed to Draco's signature.

"That's the copy we've been using for..." Ron flipped back to the title page and checked the library stamp. "Uh... Sixty years. No. Seventy years," Ron sighed and looked at Draco with a wet Beagle expression. "We're screwed, aren't we?"

Draco nodded and clapped Ron gently on the shoulder. "Maybe, maybe not. How fast can we get our hands on a recent set of rules?"

Ron shrugged. "I'll check but I'm willing to be that the Minato team does. Do you want me to ask them?"

Draco snickered then shrugged. "I was going to say good luck with your record of asking girls for anything but then I realized that I may have burned that particular bridge three days ago with Missus Saotome. What say, we both approach them and ask politely if they have a recent copy of the rules and explain why. NO QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR BEING LEGAL OR NOT. Just explain that the rules in use here at Hogwarts are a century out of date and we were wondering about their boards and what the current rules say, just to satisfy our curiosity. Sound good?"

Ron thought about it for a second and nodded slowly. "Let's do it at lunch. However, you've got someone coming this way, and she definitely doesn't look happy to see you." Ron pointed to the approaching figure. Pansy.

... AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry everyone. I've been thinking of the next chapter, and it's resulted in a week-long case of brain worms. In fact, I wound up spending lunch-time today plowing out the bare bones of that chapter and have realized that I have to get THAT chapter finished and published before I can get back to this one and update it. In advance, there's at least three groups that I will probably be apologizing to profusely. In all honesty, I've tried to treat them with dignity and respect but it just came out the way that it did. I intended no disrespect to everyone in the three groups but have borrowed cultural items. For everyone's information, the three groups are: First Nations, Elvis and ABBA impersonators. I do and freely admit that I am not a member of the three groups and am creating my story based upon based upon my memories with a little guidance from TV and Google.

I'll update this chapter after I've got the next one out of my system.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Notes:

WARNING (MATURE CONTENT). You've been warned. If you're under the age of majority for your country, stop reading this. Graphic description and scenarios. However, in all truth, I haven't gotten as far as that yet and my writing style is tending towards PG-15 and AA at worst. The M rating and warning are there just in case I happen to violate your local or parental guidelines.

The usual warnings and messages from the last chapter apply to everything that I'm posting.

This chapter starts on September 4th, 1995. I'm going to add timeline references using the HP Lexicon as a general reference.

... AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry everyone. I've been thinking of the next chapter (this one), and it's resulted in a week-long case of brain worms. In fact, I wound up spending lunch-time today plowing out the bare bones of that chapter and have realized that I have to get THIS chapter finished and published before I can get back to the previous one and update it. In advance, there's at least three (ow four) groups that I will probably be apologizing to profusely. In all honesty, I've tried to treat them with dignity and respect but it just came out the way that it did. I intended no disrespect to everyone in the three groups but have borrowed cultural items. For everyone's information, the four groups are: First Nations, the Scots, ad Elvis and ABBA impersonators. I do and freely admit that I am not a member of the groups and am creating my story based upon based upon my memories with a little guidance from TV and Google.

I'll upate the last chapter after I've got the next one out of my system.

_**And the mayhem continues…. Draco learns that there's a running challenge and has a "Wile E. Coyote" moment**_

Draco walked into the Great Hall and headed for his usual spot on the Slytherin table. His eyebrows twitched when he found his spot occuppied by his mother and Pansy having a definite heart-to-heart talk. Sighing, he decided to walk past the two of them and then sit on the far side of Pansy when they looked up at hm and smiled, then shuffled along the bench to open his usual spot. Dierctly between them.

Putting what he hoped was a casual smile on his face, he sat down in the opened spot and looked around for the usual pre-dinner beverages and saw nothing. He stood a bit and looked down the packed tables. Nothing. He flopped down and was suprised when Pansy grabbed his arm.

"Shhhhh!" she hissed. "They won't serve dinner until after Potter's performed!" What surprised him even more than what was stated was that Pansy was enthusiastic about it, something that no Slytherin that he knew of would do, especially for a Gryffindor.

Leaning slightly towards her, he whispered out of the side of his mouth. "And what, pray tell, is so exciting about that that..."

Pansy looked down at her hands and then leaned back towards him, using a stage whisper. "I forgot about this when we were talking. The Minato team brought along a pile of stuff, including a kareoke machine. Potter opened his big mouth and said that it was easy to find songs to sing. His mistake! They challenged him to find a Gryffindor song in their playlist and to do it before dinner, today. He's allowed props and extras, but he has to be heard singing himself. No magic."

Before she could say anything else, the floating candles dimmed, and his mother nudged him in the ribs and shushed both of them, nodding towards the now-closed main doors.

The doors creaked open, noisier than he ever could recall, and in walked a knight bearing a lance, or what might be taken for a lance if it hadn't been snapped off and bound together again with twine. The armour looked rusty and even mis-matched. The helmet was closed and Draco couldn't see who was wearing it. The suit of armour stumped its way across the end of the hall and up the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables, occassionally using the lance to nudge someone blocking its path to the front of the room. Finally, it reached the space in front of the HIgh Table and turned towards the House tables. Remaining still for a moment, it loudly grounded the butt end of the lance, the bang resounding through the now-quiet room, everyone's eyes on it.

The candles dimmed further, and a bright circle of light shone around the armour-clad knight. Its non-lance hand reached up and pushed its visor up, revealling Potter's face. He took a deep breath and the music stated to play in the background, a piece that Draco was not familiar with.

"Probably a muggle song," he wishpered to himself, receiving sharp elbows from his mother and Pansy. He closed his mouth and watched.

Potter took another deep breath and started to sing. Remarkably, he was actually quite good, though a bit gravelly and definitely not to the quality or standards of someone like Neville Longbottom.

_**To dream ... the impossible dream ...**_

_**To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...**_

_**To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...**_

_**To run ... where the brave dare not go ...**_

_**To right ... the unrightable wrong ...**_

_**To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...**_

_**To try ... when your arms are too weary ...**_

_**To reach ... the unreachable star ... **_

_**This is my quest, to follow that star ... **_

_**No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ... **_

_**To fight for the right, without question or pause ... **_

_**To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ... **_

_**And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest, **_

_**That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm, **_

_**when I'm laid to my rest ... **_

_**And the world will be better for this: **_

_**That one man, scorned and covered with scars, **_

_**Still strove, with his last ounce of courage, **_

_**To reach ... the unreachable star ... **_

Potter finished, and the Hall was quiet for about five seconds, then it exploded with a deafening round of applause from every table, every studend and the High Table. The applause continued and everyone rose and applauded even louder.

Potter looked absolutely gob-smacked while this went on and then smiled and finally held his arms (including the lance) up high, signalling everyone to sit.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure if you were going to applaud or boo me out of Hogwarts. It was hard work, finding a song that spoke to me as being pure Gryffindor and researching it enough to do it justice. Someone who shall remain nameless but is NOT from Minato by-the-way, suggested that if I didn't make a complete hash of it, I should issue the challenge to someone from another house, not on the basis of seeing them fail but seeing if they were themselves up to the challenge."

Draco started to get as feeling deep in his gut that the challenge was aimed in his direction.

"I'd like to extend the challenge to Slytherin House, not to come up with a song that is pure Slytherin, but to apply that logic and deep devious thinking that they are known for. So, in two night's time, it will be your turn to come up here and sing. Are you up to the challenge, Draco Malfoy?"

Heads turned and everyone's attention was focussed on Draco in the total silence that followed. Then someone from somewhere on the Gryffindor table started pounding their hands on the table-top, chanting his name in time with the pounding. Within moments, everyone in the hall, including the High Table, were table-pounding and chanting.

Draco stood and held up his arms. The Hall quickly became silent as everyone watched him.

"So, Potter," he said loud enough to be heard in the rest of the Hall, surprising himself when it came out as not being sarcastic or demeaning for a change. "I have to find a song..."

Potter nodded, almost causing his helm to close. "In the songbook that the Minato girls have. You can call on anyone from your house or ask the girls for assistance in researching or choosing the song. How you do it, what props you use, and anything else to help you, your choice completely. The only restriction that I'm going to place is that the song or songs, if you want to do two or three, have to be from our parents' generation or before. That's the 1970's and before."

Draco thought about it and then nodded his head. "Accepted!"

\- Two nights later, September 6th -

Nacrissa leaned over to whisper at Pansy, who was keeping Draco's spot open for him, even though he wasn't there, and whispered, "have you any idea what he's doing?"

"Un hun, Mrs Malfoy, not a whisper. Draco's playing this extremely close to his chest. Do you have any ideas?"

"Not a smidgeon, my dear. He asked me about what muggle songs I listened to when I was young and what artists and what types of songs I liked, but nothing that gives me an idea of what he's doing. I've seen him running around and talking to Hagrid about something, and Professor Snape about something, but other than seeing him at meals or when we have tea with Mistress Saotome, absolutely nothing."

The main hall of Hogwarts started to resound with a heavy machine sound, a low throbbing rumble, that then became a loud snarling rumble, followed by squealing tires. The doors of the Great Hall flew open, and Draco rode in on Hagrid's motorcycle but without the sidecar. Before the rear wheels cleared the doors, he pulled up sharply on the handlebars and the cycle leaped into the air, still running at full throttle, the rumble resounding in the Hall and the candles trembling like they were crystal chandaliers. He circled the hall at just above head level and then dropped into the space in front of the high Table, braked to a halt at the head of the Slytherin table and let the cycle rumble its low-keyed voice for a moment, then stomped on the kick-stand and let the bike sit and killed the ignition as he climbed off in a smooth coordinated dismount with his back to the audience. He was dressed in black motorcycle leathers with what looked the Slytherin crest enbroidered on a massive patch on the back with the words "Slytherin Snakes MC Club" around the edges. Pulling his helmet off in a smooth pull, he placed it on the motorcycle's seat. He then turned around and faced the audience, passing his hand through his hair and giving it a head flick. He then adjusted the collar and shrugged, settling the jacket on his shoulders, then pulled off his leather gloves and laid them over the helmet without turning around.

Looking over everyone in the room, he strode across the floor until he reached the aisle between the Slytherin and Hufflepuff tables and walked down its length until he reached Pansy and held out his hand, his face not having its usual bored and sarcastic expression but one of determination. Pansy reached up and placed her hand in his then stepped over the bench until she was standing in front of him. Without a word, he turned and brought her up to the front of the room, where he positioned her in front the the middle of the High table. He then placed his hands on her hips and the lifted her up and sat her on the edge of the table gently.

Snapping his right arm out straight at the shoulder, his wand appeared in his hand. The candles dimmed to darkness and a bright light shone down, illuminating the two of them.

He pointed his wand at Pansy and snapped it to cover both himself and Pansy, calling out "Transfiguro First Nations Eagle Dance!"

The main light went out for a second and then returned, revealing that both of their clothing hasd been transformed. Pansy now wore a pale yellow doeskin dress with beads, jingles and fringes, her feet clad in similar doeskin boots. Draco was now wearing a North American First Indian Eagle Dancer outfit, with eagle feathers and fringes, his boots literally appearing to be more fringe that boot. A pounding drum beat came from somewhere accompanied by voices chanting in an unknown tongue.

Draco stepped back from Pansy and then started stepping in rhythm to the drumbeats, then falling into the steps and movements of the Eagle Dance, mimicking the flight of an eagle. He circled around and bent and twisted in the steps of the dance, every step correct in rhythm and placement.

The dance finished and he straightened, and his clothes again transformed into pale tan deerskin clothes. Approaching Pansy, he bowed and then knelt down on one knee. A second set of drumplay started, followed by more modern music.

Drawing a deep breath, he started to sing.

_**On the bank of the river stood Running Bear, young Indian brave**_

_**On the other side of the river stood his lovely Indian maid**_

_**Little White Dove was her name, such a lovely sight to see**_

_**But their tribes fought with each other, so their love could never be**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love big as the sky**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love that couldn't die**_

_**He couldn't swim the raging river 'cause the river was too wide**_

_**He couldn't reach the Little White Dove waiting on the other side**_

_**In the moonlight he could see her throwing kisses 'cross the waves**_

_**Her little heart was beating faster waiting for her Indian brave**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love big as the sky**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love that couldn't die**_

_**Running Bear dove in the water, Little White Dove did the same**_

_**And they swam out to each other through the swirling stream they came**_

_**As their hands touched and their lips met, the raging river pulled them down**_

_**Now they'll always be together in their happy hunting ground**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love big as the sky**_

_**Running Bear loved Little White Dove**_

_**With a love that couldn't die**_

Standing, Draco reached out his hand to Pansy, and she reached out, slipping off of the High Table. They proceeded over to the motorcycle, where Draco again produced his wand with the same snap and wave that he had used before. "Transfiguro Leathers!"

Pansy was now dressed in figure-hugging black leathers, bearing the same patch as Draco had on his now-returned black leathers, both of them now wearing fringes. Handing a helmet to Pansy, she slipped it on over her head and he adjusted the chin strap, then Draco pulled on his helmet, adjusted it and put on his gloves. He straddled the motorcycle, pushed it up to an upright position, popped the kickstand and started the engine again. Looking over his shoulder, he nodded towards the rear seat, and Pansy climbed unto the rear peg and then swung her leg over the seat and planted her foot on the other peg. She then shifted forward up against Draco's back and wrapped he arms around his waist, then nodded, placing her head on his shoulder.

Draco gunned the engine and then returned it to an idle, then popped the clutch and added more throttle. The bike started moving forward and Draco turned it back the way it had come, and added more gas and pulled back, lauching the pair into the air, accelerating all the time as they went around the room and then left through the doors into the Main Hall at full throttle. The sound of the engine and gear changes faded into the distance.

Dead silence reigned for ten seconds before everyone realized that they were not putting in a speedy return. The applause started slowly but then grew, accompanied with whistling and foot stomping.

Draco and Pansy walked back into the hall, still in the leathers but now without helmets and gloves. The Hall trembled from the roar of applause, cheering and foot stomping. Draco smiled and looked at Pansy, and he bowed and she curtsied in unison.

Headmaster McGonnigall stood and looked around the room and then raised her hands for silence. When things quietened, she looked at Draco and Pansy with a critical expression. "Tonight, and tonight only, you can wear those leathers unless you are riding a motorcycle, and hopefully without the colours that you're currently wearing."

Draco smiled and bowed in her direction. "Understood, Headmistress."

Straightening, he and Pansy walked up to the front of the hall, and then turned around, still hand-in-hand with Pansy.

"Thank you, everyone. I wasn't sure if all my mis-direction was going to be too obscure. The Eagle Dance just came into things as a means of bridging between the two. I was originally going to do 'Leader of the Pack' but it didn't sound right if I was doing the singing. Then I remembered that my mother liked Johnny Preston, and I looked up his songs and this one looked 'interesting' and everything flowed from there. The Eagle Dance came in as it is a prayer to heaven. With all that's been going on around here, I think and believe that divine intervention is needed in one form or another."

"Now, who do I challenge? We've been going through the houses, and I'll follow that. Now, who within which house do I choose? I've given it some thought and my curiosity led me to decide who I'd like to hear. I've heard one person from Hufflepuff sing before and I'd like to hear her again. Hannah Abbott, do you think that you can do the challenge? I've only got one requirement on what you can do or who you can involve: the Great Hall seems to be a bit like the Room of Requirement - push the Great Hall to its limit, use your imagination. Well, Hannah, are you up to the challenge?"

Hannah looked down at her hands, then over to her boyfriend, Neville Longbottom, who looked back at her and nodded. "OK, I'll do it."

\- Two nights later, September 8th -

Harry and Draco were standing in the entrance to the Great Hall, looking at the crowd. People were moving between tables and quietly talking amongst themselves. Whatever Hannah had planned was under just as tight wraps as had been both of their performances. Draco nudged Harry and whispered, "better get seated, Pansy and my mother are giving me the 'eye'. Probably thinking that I'm up to something."

Harry smirked. "Getting painted for your reputation?"

"Yeah. Almost makes me want to be the Bad Boy that I've been acting like. Almost. Maybe I'll see what the Light has to offer."

"Not sure if hanging around me will be much good. The Minato girls have a word for me, and it'll stick to you as well. Chaos magnet. You up for that?"

Draco laughed. "Maybe, I'll stick around and see what chaos you self-generate. No one ever said that life at Hogwarts was boring."

Harry laughed and then headed towards the Gryffindor table and his spot, between Hermione and Myrtle, who were both looking at him and smiling though obviously curious as to why he was talking amiably with Draco.

Draco shrugged and started towards his usual seat. Stepping over the bench, he sat down just as the candles dimmed, looking more like stars in the sky.

The view on the ceiling shifted, becoming a night sky, making the room even darker. A huddle of people shifted across the floor in front of the Hufflepuff table and a spot of bright light appeared and then spread out, revealing a group of people in blue uniforms sitting around a campfire that ignited, illuminating the group and the tent behind them. One stretched and then stood up.

"Josiah, what was that new song that you were singing?"

'Josiah' shrugged and sighed. "Not sure, think it was something like 'Camptown laides sing the song, do-dah, do-dah'"in a cracked and warbling manner.

"Oh, you lame-brained buffoon! You couldn't carry a song if you put it in a bucket. 'Sides, you weren't even singing the song." This came from someone in the back of the group, in the shadows that the others cast.

"Well, mister smarty-pants, how about YOU sing it then!" 'Josiah' delivered in his best Malfoy-imitation sarcasm.

A long pause took place, with more sparks of light appearing on the walls, creating the impression that the Great Hall was actually located on the top of a hill, surrounded by numerous other campfires with dim figures around the fires and in front of the tents.

A figure stepped out of the shadows. "Well, Josiah, ah recon that I can't mangle the song any worse than you did with 'Camptown Ladies.'"

The campfire revealed that the speaker was Hannah, dressed in the same blue uniform as the others, with what looked like a rifle in her hands. Passing to to 'Josiah', she stepped forward so that the campire was between her and the students. Hooking her thumbs into her belt, she shifted the belt to adjust her pants, and then drew a breath.

Her voice rolled out, crisp and clar, no musical accompaniment coming from the background except for a faint rolling drumbeat and a plaintive trumpet call.

_**Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord**_

_**He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored**_

_**He has loosed the fateful lightening of His terrible swift sword**_

_**His truth is marching on**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**His truth is marching on**_

_**He has sounded for the trumpet that shall never call retreat**_

_**He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat**_

_**Oh, be swift, my soul to answer Him, be jubilant, my feet**_

_**Our God is marching on**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**His truth is marching on**_

_**In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea**_

_**With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me**_

_**As He died to make men holy let us die to make men free**_

_**While God is marching on**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**His truth is marching on**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**Glory, glory, Hallelujah**_

_**His truth is marching on**_

As the song progressed, the other members in the group stood behind Hannah and joined her in song. Scattered students at the Gryffindor stood and started to sing, their voices quiet but blending into Hannah's. Other students stood and started to sing. By the time that the final chorus was reached, no student was seated - all were signing, the voices wrapping with Hannah's but with hers in control and the loudest one there.

The song ended, and yet there were echoes coming from the walls, as if the small campfires had people surroudnign them and they too were singing the same song.

The candles floating above came back on, and the students roared their approval. The High table were also standing and applauding.

Hannah waved her arms and the tumult quietened.

"We have one House left to hear from, and I choose Padma Patil. I chose her because she is originally from another country and has perspectives that we who were born here do not have. Padma, can you show us what you think is important, not as a Ravenclaw but as yourself? You have free choice in what you do. Can you do that?"

Padma stood and blushed furiously. "I can choose anything?"

Hannah noded furiously and smiled at her choice. "Absolutely."

Padma looked up, her epression firming as she considered what whe wanted to do. "I accept."

\- Two nights later, September 10th -

The Great Hall went dark, with only the simulation of a dark, cloudy and only the sliver of a cresent moon providing light. Padma's voice came from the vicinty of the doors. As she spoke, the voice shifted along the rear wall to the wall beside the Gryffindor tables, and then up to the front of the room.

"My family moved to England as Father realized that there were more opportunities for everyone in England. We arrived, full of hope and expectations, and woefully ignorant of life in England and the Wizarding World. What we found was that while many welcomed us, there were those who resented us, whether it was the colour of our skin, where we were coming from, or just plain ignorance. We ignored these and gradually found friends. The we got our Hogarts letters, and though Father had his mis-givings, we decided that this was another challenge, and one that everyone faced as students here."

"And so, my sister and I arrived, and we were not disappointed. We were dreading finding those that would not accept us for who and what we are, and decided that our best approach was to be the same as we'd been in regular scahools. Gradually, we found friends and learned to enjoy ourselves as students of Hogwarts, not as the Indian Twins."

"When Hannah gave me my challenge, I had to examine what I really knew of life here at Hogwarts. I found that though we are located 'somewhere in the Scottish Highlands', I knew absolutely nothing about Scotland, its history and its people; only what I had learned at school in England. I asked my fellow students, and found that the non-Scottish students also had the same impression. Even the Scottish students who were born and raised in Scotland know little more than the English, Welsh or Irish students."

"I mean, look at it this way: we all meet at the platform at King's Cross Station, board the Hogwarts Special, which steams for nine hours in a northerly direction, arrived at Hogsmeade Station and came to Hogwarts. If we get to leave the school, there is only Hogsmeade. How many of the residents of Hogsmeade do we really know besides the shopkeepers? And how many of them speak with English accents in spite of being 'in the middle of the Scottish Highlands'? We could be on another planet or even be by ourselves in another universe for what we can see outside of Hogwarts. Even airplanes don't fly overhead. And when was the last time that anyone outside after dark saw a satellite?"

"Could this be a conspiracy of silence, something like Lucy Lovegood would write about for the Quibbler?"

"I mentioned my findings to my fellow Ravenclaws. Now, you all know what Ravenclaws are like if you give them a mystery? I mean, within a half hour, the Library had been scoured for anything on Scotland, the Highlands, and even the location of Hogwarts and its surroundings. And that included the Forbidden Stacks. And within two hours, the entire school had been given the once-over. I think that even including the Room of Requirement. Do you know what the picture of total frustation looks like? It's an entire House of Ravenclaws, primed for action and there's absolutely nothing to be found and no one can one-up anyone else. I mean, they were so frustrated, that they'd given up on backstabbing and feeding other Houses the wrong answers to upcoming exams."

A low rumble of whispers and worried laughs went through the Hall.

"For once, I wasn't the slowest member of Ravenclaw. I mean that it occurred to me that we hadn't asked everyone at Hogwarts. Everyone in Ravenclaw then discussed this back and forth, twisting items to get a better or unique perspective, and kept coming up with diddley. Then someone came up with the idea of who else exists here at Hogwarts."

"OK, the house elves are probably full of information but are they English or Scottish house elves and is there any way of telling, or knowing if they hadn't been primed with mis-information to maintain the Conspiracy of Silence, as Ravenclaw now calls this situaton."

"The Ghosts were looked at next. Sad to say, almost all of them are English, and those who aren't English aren't Scottish. "

"The only other possible avenue for immediate investigation is the Hogwarts staff. A quick sampling revealed that the only Professor of Scottish descent is Headmistress McGonogall. If there is a Conspiracy of Silence, she would either be running it or so deeply immersed in it that she wouldn't be a credible source of information."

A HUMPF! came from the high Table.

"That was when I realized that we might actually be overlooking someone, someone who's always around and no one really pays attention to them. That was when the light went on over my head. Hagrid!"

"I was out of the door and skittering down the hallways, when I recalled Hagrid talking about his youth. In Essex. In England..."

"Rather than returning to the Ravenclaw Common Room and really proving that I was the slowest-thinking Ravenclaw, perhaps the slowest Ravenclaw of all time, I walked to the nearest alcove and sat down, pushing Mrs. Norris over a bit to get a seat. I must have been totally depressed at the time, because she climbed into my lap and then procceded to massage me like a pillow before curling up and going to sleep in it. Heck, she even allowed me to pet her."

"That was when I heard someone humming a short distance away. I leaned out of the alcove, trying hard not to disturb Mrs. Norris, and saw him. Mister Filch. Mister Angus Filch. The thought drifted up from the bottom of my mind: Angus is a fine Scottish name. I cleared my throat and quitely asked 'Mr. Filch?'"

"He stopped polishing one of the suits of armour (English, circa 1350 came the Ravenclaw in me) and looked at me."

"'Eh, girlie? What are you doing out so close to curfew? Looking for detention?'"

"'No, sir', I replied. 'This may be stupid and probably very private, but by any chance are you Scottish?'"

"'Girlie, that is a very odd question, and one that I haven't been asked before. Why?' I mean, I think that my quiet manner caught him unprepared. I mean, I wasn't running away from him in panic or anything like that."

Another murmer of laughter rolled through the room.

"'I've got the singing challenge to do the day after tomorrow, and I was thinking that there's nothing here at Hogwarts that's Scottish. I mean, it's almost as if Scotland doesn't exist except for Hogwards and Hogsmeade.'"

"'Bloody Sassinaks!' he replied."

"Well, I had to ask him what Sassinak meant. Filtering out the profanity, it generally means 'barbarian', 'low-lander', or 'English'. Things went on from there."

"Headmistress McGonogall, I wanted to sing your favourite Scottish song, which got me thinking about the lack of Scottish things here at Hogwarts, which resulted in Ravenclaw decimating the Library, and me meeting Mr. Finch, and me being educated by Mr. Finch on all things Scottish and muggle. Which resulted in what I am about to do. Transfiguro Highland Fling!"

The single bright light showed Padma holding aloft a pair of claymore swords, dressed in full Scottish regalia. A set of bagpipe wound up in the background and lanched into its drone, then launched into the Strathspey reel. Padma bowed, placing the claymores crossed at right angles, then straightened and bowed again, then raised her arms and launched into the dance, steps and gestures letter-perfect as she worked her way around the swords. Reaching her starting point, others, also in full highland regalia, stepped out of the shadows and matched her steps as they spread across the front of the Great Hall in front of the High Table.

For two minutes, nothing could be heard but the skirl of the bagpipes, the swishing of the kilts and the thudding and thumping of the feet. The music ended on a long note, and all the dancers stopped, straightened and then bowed to the students, and then turned and bowed towards Professor McGonogall. Padma stooped and picked up the claymores and started walking towards the Ravenclaw table in a slow formal style of stride where she laid the claymores, and then turned and slowly strode back towards where she'd danced. Meanwhile, the other dancers matched Padma's step and walked toards the far wall by the Gryffindor table where the disappeared into the shadows.

Padma turned and faced everyone, her hands clasped in front of her. "Fellow students." She face the High table and bowed. "Headmistress, Professors, Hagrid." Turning back again. "One thing that I've seen since coming to Hogarts is that something is happening is happening in the Wizarding World, something that is intended to remove our freedom of choice and possibly all of our freedoms. I believe that this is wrong and must be resisted. What I found out talking to Mr. Finch is that the Scots have had their freedoms removed in the past, and have gradually won them back. The same happened in my home country of India. I can't change what has happened in the past, but I can make a stand today for the future. I also realize that if any of you have an opinion that differs from mine, I cannot force you to change your mind as that would be doing what I am struggling against. I can only argue and hopefully persuade. If worst comes to worst, I will have one decision to make: to either fight to the finish or to go into exile, just like Bonnie Prince Charlie."

She bowed her head, and the pipes skirled again in a plaintive note. She lifted her head, tears streaking her cheeks and sang:

_**Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,**_

_**Onward! the sailors cry;**_

_**Carry the lad that's born to be King**_

_**Over the sea to Skye.**_

_**Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar,**_

_**Thunderclouds rend the air;**_

_**Baffled, our foes stand by the shore,**_

_**Follow they will not dare.**_

_**Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,**_

_**Onward! the sailors cry;**_

_**Carry the lad that's born to be King**_

_**Over the sea to Skye.**_

_**Though the waves leap, soft shall ye sleep,**_

_**Ocean's a royal bed.**_

_**Rocked in the deep, Flora will keep**_

_**Watch by your weary head.**_

_**Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,**_

_**Onward! the sailors cry;**_

_**Carry the lad that's born to be King**_

_**Over the sea to Skye.**_

_**Many's the lad fought on that day,**_

_**Well the Claymore could wield,**_

_**When the night came, silently lay**_

_**Dead on Culloden's field.**_

_**Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,**_

_**Onward! the sailors cry;**_

_**Carry the lad that's born to be King**_

_**Over the sea to Skye.**_

_**Burned are their homes, exile and death**_

_**Scatter the loyal men;**_

_**Yet ere the sword cool in the sheath**_

_**Charlie will come again.**_

As the pipes were silenced, she turned towards the Gryffindor table and slowly strode into the darkness. Ten seconds went by, and the Hall exploded in applause, with some students looking extremely uncomfortable as the sat without applauding.

After a minute of continued applause, cheering and table-banging with her name being chanted. Padma strode back from the shadows, using the same slow step. Bowing toards the High Table, she turned and bowed towards the students, while the applause continued. It finally quietened when she held up her arms.

"Thank you, everyone. One thing that I asked everyone I was talking with was whether or not the challenge should continue and who would they like to see challenged."

Turning towards the High Table, she bowed again. "Headmistress, have I your permission to challenge one of the Hogwarts staff?"

Headmistriss McGonogall bowed her head, much as you'd see the AQueen giving royal assent to a request.

Padma grinned and bowed again.

"I do not speak only for myself, but also for my fellow students who answered my question and were almost unanimous in their recommendation. Professor Snape, yhou are cahllenged to reveal your hidden talents, and to perform a song by Elvis Presley, in two days' time."

The student body stood and cheered, then chanted Snape's name.

Professor Snape stodd and looked at Padma as if she was a bug to be squished. "You are seious in this are you? No restrictions other than a song by Elvis?"

She gulped, then looked straight at him. "Yes, you can include anyone else you can convince to help you but you must clealy and by yourself, sing a Elvis song."

He stared at her, and then speared the student body with his usual circular glare as a smirk pulled at his lips. He drawled, "And then I accept your challenge."

\- Two nights later, September 12th -

Snape rose from his position at the High Table and walked out in front of the House tables but toward the Gryffindor end. He looked over them, his lip curling in his usual sneer.

"You think that you'd have some fun at my embarrasment, did you?" came his words in his most sarcastic form. Silence ruled the room.

"Do you think that I'll simply stand here and not have you share the pain? DEAD WRONG!"

He produced his wand and snapped it across the room. "Lights!" The candles dimmed and three set of bright lights shone down on the floor, one illuminating him.

Another snap. "Microphones!" A set of three slid into the farthest empty lightspot, and a single one slid into the other empty one. A massive microphone, similar to the ones used for Muggle radio broadcasts in years gone by, slid in front of him.

"Atmoshphere!" and another snap of the wand, and the room filled with a dark smoky and slightly green-tinged cloud. "Never fear! This is not cigarette smoke and a certain illicit 'something' that produces green clouds. I am not THAT stupid to inflict that upon you!"

A titter crept across the room as people realized that he was joking.

Snape's right eyebrow snapped up and he glared across the room. He growled "laugh while you can, little boys and girls. You are about to discover that your parents weren't the stodgy old foggies that you think they are. When they were sitting where you are now sitting, they were ready to break boundaries, explore the unknown and forbidden, and to dare things that their parents never even thought of. HA! Your grandparents are probably smirking at that comment. The sad news is that you probably will suffer the greatest curse of all, you will become your parents." He turned and glared at the High Table.

"True, isn't it? You were once down here, thinking much like these students, and now going 'oh,my! it is true.'"

Snape turned back to the students and leaned one elbow on the microphone in front of him. It shifted downwards to just the right height for him to casually hook one leg behind the other and actually put his weight on the microphone.

"You thought that you'd see me get all embarassed and totally flop trying to pretend that I was Elvis. Bad news! Who do you think taught him the lip curl and sneer? Yes, I WAS Elvis. THE KING!"

His clothes transformed from the usual black robes to a black leather outfit with motorcycle boots and his hair now slicked back with a curl on his forehead.

The students were gob-smacked as the implications crept into their minds. Narcissa, Myrtle and a few others at the High Table started to shake their heads.

Snape pointed to the High Table. "THEY KNOW! THEY REMEMBER! The night when the Bad Boy of Hogwarts became THE KING and the ladies WORSHIPPED at his feet!"

"Now, before we start our entertainment, you boys and girls are going to need a little history lesson. At the time that this story takes place, all the 'cool' guys and dolls hung out at one bar in Hogsmeade. Anyone who was not 'cool' was forbidden entrance. Yes, I was not 'cool', 'dark and moody' but not 'cool'. You also have to remember that there's a certain week during term when couples that are going to break up, do so en masse. This particular year, it was massively en masse. Me? I had just had a deeply personal argument with my best friend, a girl from my village that I had literally grown up with. She had become friends with a group called 'The Marauders'. Oh yes, You've heard of them? Well, they had always had it in for me. Remember, I was 'dark and moody' while they were 'cool'; sort of like motoroil and water. My friend went to my defense and literally put them in their place. Being 'dark and moody", I didn't need her to come to my defense and told her so later. Bad news is that her defense of me had peaked the interest of one of the Marauders and he was close by when I told her off, and he came to HER defense. Long story short, with the next hour, I was now the number one enemy of the Maruaders, I was permanently flagged as 'not cool', my childhood friend wasn't anymore (friend that is), and that she and the leader of the Maruaders were now an 'item'."

"One last item: the bar in Hogsmeade ran a monthly talent evening, everyone welcome. I can see that the Slytherins and the Ravenclaws are getting my drift. I see that the Hufflepuffs are considering giving me a hug of encourgament, like that will ever happen, and the Gryffindors, being 'cool', have no idea what's going on."

A roll of laughter went around the room.

"The next talent evening was a week later, with the bar filled with all the 'cool' and now mostly-single, angry, angst-ridden or just plain not happy students from Hogwarts. Talent evening required you to sign in with your real name (if you were THAT stupid or courageous) or a stage name for yourself or your group. Because there were so many people drowning their sorrows, the bar actually had to run next door and every other door to get enough firewhiskey for everyone to drown their sorrows in. Someone had brought 'something' along and before too long, the regular smokers were joined by the 'something' smokers and no one was really feeling any pain and actually feeling quite mellow and jovial, if maybe a bit peckish. Now, before I go on, I am bound as a Professor to caution you all against smoking tobacco or 'something'. It's a vile disgusting habit that will do all manner of injury to your body and mind, and result in moral corruption and delinquent behaviour. I strongly urge all of you, especially Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Houses, to refrain from attempting to grow this substance, as it is illegal and can result in lengthy sentences in Azkaban. Those of you buying 'something' from Slytherin should check to make sure that you are actually buying 'soemthing" and not so much oregano and feeling mellow simply because your expectations are that you'll feel mellow."

The laughter that rolled around the room, now had a slightly paniced tone. Slytherin Table had members trying to slide lower in their seats.

Sighing, Snape continued.

"So there I was, standing backstage, waiting my turn, when a quartet of the most beautious young and 'cool' ladies were called forward. Apparently, the background story was that they ALL had recently had some emotional upset, had been out-distancing any of the other drinkers and had been winding each other up all evening. They were ready to cut loose and put everyone in their place. Even their group name put fear into the heart of every man there: 'Flaming Bitches'. They were young, they were beautiful... Well, two would have been classified as beautiful in every situation; the other two, sad to say, did have a reputation of being 'cute' on the best of days. That night, all four had gone all out in their preparations for going out and partying and pushed themselves well into the beautiful range. No, not just beautiful but amazingly georgeous, even stunningly magnificent. They rolled unto the stage, positioned themselves, repositioned themselves and finally were ready for their chance at fame and glory."

The background music started to play quietly behind him.

Snape looked over his shoulder in the direction of the Kareoke maching and smiled. "Good timing!"

"They were MAGNIFICENT! They literally blew the smoke clouds out the front doors and into the street. Drinks were placed on the tables and people stared, mouths hanging open. Men crossed their legs in fear and women looked at the men and sneered even better than me on my best days. I started to dread that there was no way that my chosen song could even come within leagues of their performance. When they finished, the silence lasted for a couple seconds, maybe even ten, before the room exploded in applause. No matter what, they were going to be finalists that evening!"

Snape hung his head and then looked at the students through his eyebrows and bangs (if they weren't already slicked back), and pointed at the three microphones in the single lightspot.

"They say that pain shared is pain halved. HOw about pain quartered? Well, we actually have three of the four members here tonight, and I'd like them to come over and show you all just how good they really were. I'll admit, they have gotten older than that particular evening, and more mature. However, with encouragement, we can get them to come over and regain their youth and show you just how to sing, not just perform the notes perfectly but to project the song so that no one isn't impacted. Ahhhhhh. They're being shy, why not give them some encouragement..."

The claps started somewhere in the back of the room and soon the students were stamping their feet and pounding the tables if not clapping.

Snape's voice carried clearly over the din. "I don't see you moving... Shall I call out your names? Nar...Mhyrrh...Tree? One, two, three..."

Myrtle sprang to her feet and rushed Snape. He dodged her easily and smirked at her. "I see you haven't changed, much... Cat's getting out of the bag, you two. Time to shed your dignity..."

Narcissa Malfoy and Sybill Trelawney stood up and started slowly walking towards snape as he stood there.

He laughed, more of a loud chuckle than anything fiendish or despicable. "Look, all I ask is for one song. THAT song. Right now, you've got a gut full of anger. Push it down, pull out that memory and become the ..."

"Don't even think those words, Snape!" growled Narcissa.

"Absolutely not, my dear ladies. However, before you start, let me charm you to how you looked on that evening. No tricks on my part, but I do think that the glasses aren't really required are they, Sybill?" He reached out with both hands and gently removed her eyeglasses. Looking at her closely, he asked "contacts?"

Professor Trelawney nodded. Snape stepped back, placed her glasses on his microphone, produced his wand with the usual snap and wave. "Transfiguro Hogsmeade Flaming... ABBA!"

The three were transformed into their younger selves, all tarted up in spectacular makeup and hair styling, and wearing the most fantastic ABBA/disco costumes that left little or anything to the imagination. They glared at Snape and then looked at each other, shaking their heads. The background music got louder, and a disco ball descended from the ceiling and was illuminated, throwing spots of light all over the room. Other lights came up throwing shapes and colours over the walls and ceiling, moving and changing in rhythm with the pounding dance trtack.

Giving an even darker look at Snape, they strolled over to the microphones, hips greinignwith each step, nodded at each other as the music increased in volume and launched into the song, loaded with sarcasm and still glaring at Snape, who smirked back at them.

_**My my**_

_**At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender**_

_**Oh yeah**_

_**And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way**_

_**The history book on the shelf**_

_**Is always repeating itself **_

_**Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war**_

_**Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more**_

_**Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to**_

_**Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you**_

_**Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo **_

_**My my**_

_**I tried to hold you back, but you were stronger**_

_**Oh yeah**_

_**And now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight**_

_**And how could I ever refuse**_

_**I feel like I win when I lose **_

_**Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war**_

_**Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more**_

_**Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to**_

_**Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you**_

_**Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo **_

_**So how could I ever refuse**_

_**I feel like I win when I lose **_

_**Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war**_

_**Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more**_

_**Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to**_

_**Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you**_

_**Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo**_

They finished and glared again at Snape, right hands resting on their hips. The Hall exploded in applause, cheering, whistling and foot-stamping. After a minute, Snape held up his hands for quiet.

"THAT's what it was like twenty years ago. Now, ladies, don't sit down yet, we have another surprise in store, not for you, but for the act that followed you. Once the air and the funny cloud of 'something' smoke returned to the room, the next act was introduced, the one that was immediately before me. Now, no one really knew who this person was and no one has really seen her since. Could she be still in hiding from the Aurors, or has she gone under such deep, dark cover that you wouldn't recognize her. If you all think that the quartet now a trio had fire in their bellies, she was a DRAGON! Sorry, Harry. That's what she was like - Voice like a growling dog or a heavy smoker but clear as a spring morning, tall, fair-skinned, dark maybe even midnight black lustrous hair down to her waistline, dangerous, dressed to the absolute nines, clinging blouse that revealed nothing but seemed to show everything, knee high boots and wearing a miniskirt so short that she looked that she'd catch a chest cold just standing there. I mean, that's a line that my father or HER mother would use. Me? I was like every other male there, trying to look 'cool' and discretely wiping the drool off of our collective chins. All the ladies were just as gob-smacked, all thinking to themselves 'I'm jealous as hell, why can't I look like her?' Little did we know that she was STAFF! Now what was her name, I seem to almost remember it..."

Narcissa glared at Snape and snapped "Idiot! Everyone was talking about her - it was Mini Gong!"

Headmistress McGonigall leaped to her feet and pointed at Snape. "I had you swear an oath never to reveal that name!"

Snape slowly turned toward her and smirked. "Yes, you did. However, you have to ask yourself, did you require an Unbreakable Oath from every other student at Hogwarts that year, or was it just me?"

She flopped down in her seat and glared at him with crossed arms. "And if you think that I'm going to come down there and perform like I'm your trained monkey..."

"Hey!" went Nacrissa. "We're NOT his trained monkeys either. You have to admit, he got around an Unbreakable without breaking it, and he's got you by the short and curlies. Even for a Slytherin, that's sly and underhanded and ..."

Snape coughed. "You are right, Headmistress. There is nothing that I can do to force you to come down and become the person that you were. However with a bit of magic, we have enough memories of your performance from that night..."

McGonigall paled. "You wouldn't dare! Would you?"

At that moment, another song started to play in the background and footsteps came from the doorway into the Great Hall, passing through the open doors. The figure was faint and ethereal, like a ghost. It walked across the back of the room and up along the Gryffindor table, slow steady steps resounding around the room. Everyone's eyes were on it as it gradually gained form and substance but the details remained indistinct.

"Just a glamour, Headmistress. Without you, it will be just a 'performing monkey' as you termed it. Add in our memories and it gains clarity. Better yet, stand before it and let it envelop you and you will control it. Nothing embarassing will happen that you don't do yourself. Your choice. She's reaching the halfway point in the hall, not much time left for a decision."

McGonigall sprang to her feet and headed around the Slytherin end of the High Table, dashing across the Hall, she stopped in front of Snape and pointed a finger in his face. "We will be having words on this, Severus Snape!"

"Most assuredly, Headmistress," he drawled. "About to make the turn... last chance. Better Hurry."

Gathering her robes, she pelted the rest of the way across the room and ran into the shade, disappearing within. The shade staggered and took a step back and then looked down at itslef the up at Snape, her features now clear and distinct. Taking the same slow steps across the room but now wigh a massive hip wiggle, she passed behind Snape and trailed her hand across his shoulders.

As the introductiory music reached its peak, she grabbed her microphone, glared at Snape and crooned

_**It's a heartache**_

_**Nothing but a heartache**_

_**Hits you when it's too late**_

_**Hits you when you're down**_

_**It's a fool's game**_

_**Nothing but a fools game**_

_**Standing in the cold rain**_

_**Feeling like a clown**_

_**It's a heartache**_

_**Nothing but a heartache**_

_**Love him till your arms break**_

_**Then he lets you down**_

_**It ain't right with love to share**_

_**When you find he doesn't care for you**_

_**It ain't wise to need someone**_

_**As much as I depended on you**_

_**It's a heartache**_

_**Nothing but a heartache**_

_**Hits you when it's too late**_

_**Hits you when you're down**_

_**It's a fool's game**_

_**Nothing but a fools game**_

_**Standing in the cold rain**_

_**Feeling like a clown**_

_**[Instrumental Interlude]**_

_**It ain't right with love to share**_

_**When you find he doesn't care for you**_

_**It ain't wise to need someone**_

_**As much as I depended on you**_

_**Oh, it's a heartache**_

_**Nothing but a heartache**_

_**Love him till your arms break**_

_**Then he lets you down**_

_**It's a fools game**_

_**Standing in the cold rain**_

_**Feeling like a clown**_

_**It's a heartache**_

_**Love him till your arms break**_

_**Then he lets you down**_

_**It's a fools game**_

_**Standing in the cold rain... **_

Chest heaving, she stared at Snape while the students, the High Table and the trio applauded, cheered, whistled and generally shouted her name as a chant. Finally looking at the students, she slowly smiled and bowed deeply to them, then returned the microphone to the stand as the appluse gradually died.

A recognizable introductory music started quietly and gradually got louder as Snape stepped forward and pointed at her. 'See! SEE! That's what I was up against! Between either of these two, I might have a chance. I knew that I would have to pull out all the stops, and suck in the spirit of Elvis like a Dementor would steal your soul with its kiss! So, I sucked up every bit of courage and Elvis that I could draw in and stepped forward when introduced by the MC."

From off in the darkness, a voice chimed, deep and resonant. "And our final act for tonight, yes, ELVIS IS IN THE BUILDING!"

The music faded as Snape strode into his lightspot, stood behind the microphone, adjusted his leather collar with a twitch of his hands, swept his hand through his hair and did a lip-curling smile at every female within eyesight, and gently stroked and then held the microphone.

"Thank yuh. Thank yuh veruh mush! Ah'm glad to be here in beautiful Hogsmeade. It's a bit offa the deatun track but yawl have me me feel veruh welcome. For my first number, I'd like to do a song from muh recent TV special." He started to sing in a quiet intimate voice while leaning forward as if talking to someone right in front of him, but managing to include everyone in the room.

_**Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight?**_

_**Are you sorry we drifted apart?**_

_**Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day?**_

_**When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?**_

_**Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?**_

_**Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?**_

_**Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again?**_

_**Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?**_

_**I wonder if you're lonesome tonight**_

_**You know someone said that the world's a stage**_

_**And each must play a part**_

_**Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweet heart.**_

_**Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance**_

_**You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue**_

_**Then came act two, you seemed to change, you acted strange**_

_**And why? I've never known.**_

_**Honey, you lied when you said you loved me**_

_**And I had no cause to doubt you**_

_**But I'd rather go on hearing your lies**_

_**Than I go on living without you**_

_**Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there**_

_**With emptiness all around**_

_**And if you won't come back to me**_

_**Then they can bring the curtain down**_

_**Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again?**_

_**Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?**_

He smiled and straightened, still managing to project the intimate feeling that he'd been projecting. Five seconds, ten seconds passed and then the room eploded with every female screaming and applauding as loudly as they could clap their hands. the males gradually straighted off of the benches and joined into the applause.

After a slight pause, he bowed and then held up his hands. The applause died down and he waved for everyone to take their seats.

"Thank you. Now the story continues. YES! there's more. If I had the sense to stop at this point, it would have been a hard-fought victory on my part."

"Yeah! Right! In your dreams" came from the residents of the other two lightspots to his right. Snape bowed to them and smirked, pure devilishness. "Can you prove that or is that simply bravado in the presence of THE KING?"

The ladies scoffed at him and crossed thier arms and glared at him.

Turning back to the students, he pointed over their heads. "Back there, in the rear corner, I saw them, my e-childhood friend and the leader of the Marauders sharing a laugh. In that instant, and I don't know it is was a word of encouragement for her performance as a member of the 'Flaming... uh, nevermind' or they were laughing at my performance, but I went from Snape possessed by Elvis to Elvis possessed by Snape, and possessed by Snape as a dark spirit of spite and vengeance. Without thinking, I signalled the soundman to play the musics again." Snape made a circular waving with one hand and the music came back.

He leaned forward and focussed his attention at the spot on the wall that he had pointed at, His voice and posture still intimate, but now laced with malicious intent.

_**Are you lonesome tonight ?**_

_**ls your brassiere too tight**_

_**Are you're corsets all falling apart**_

_**Does the size of your chest**_

_**Wear big holes in your vest ?**_

_**Does your spare tyre reach up to your heart ?**_

_**Are your stockings all laddered**_

_**And shoes wearing thin**_

_**Do you hold up your bloomers**_

_**With a big safety pin ?**_

_**Are your false teeth all worn**_

_**Do they drop when you yawn ?**_

_**Then no wonder you're lonesome tonite.**_

He straightened and smirked at everyone. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, was the start of the infamous 1973 Hogsmeade Pub Brawl and Riot."


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Notes:

WARNING (MATURE CONTENT). You've been warned. If you're under the age of majority for your country, stop reading this. Graphic description and scenarios. However, in all truth, I haven't gotten as far as that yet and my writing style is tending towards PG-15 and AA at worst. The M rating and warning are there just in case I happen to violate your local or parental guidelines.

For those Ranma 1/2 fans who are reading this series, my apologies. When I first started this series, the intention was to have a solid mix of the Potterverse with the Nerima Wrecking Crew. As the story progressed, it's looking like the NWC will be a set of minor characters. Just the way that the story developed.

The usual warnings and messages from the last chapter apply to everything that I'm posting.

One item that I mentioned in the author's notes from the last chapter that it would have been considerably longer. My apologies, but I just started hitting a wall and wanted to do a skip but how the heck do you do a break such that it comes out as a sequence? I'm using RTF format under Kingsoft Writer. Suggestions on how to do this is welcome.

The next chapter will have the events for the rest of the day.

Interesting comments or reviews. Interesting ones will get replies, as will plot suggestions or guesses where the story may be going. Just remember that we are off-canon and that this is a romantic comedy (read embarrassing and tsuendre moments).

Most importantly, the canon characters are the property of the copyright holders, and this is intended for the non-commercial use and enjoyment of the reader.

Supplemental information: One of my reviewers had commented on my SP&amp;G errors, so I've flipped to using Kingsoft Writer and spell-check rather than doing a manual review. My general writing style is to do what is called "flow-of-consciousness writing" and generally do not have detailed research notes that I follow. Which does result in errors and omissions from my poor memory (or remembering things out of sequence) with the original canon (serious things like remembering things happening in the "past" and different years.)

This chapter takes place on September 4th, 1995. I'm going to add timeline references using the HP Lexicon as a general reference.

_**And the mayhem continues… **_

_**Draco faces the new staff members and exchange students**_

_**(Bit of a time warp from the previous chapter – September 4th, 1995)**_

Narcissa tightened her hug and then pushed Draco back and looked him in the face while resting her hands on his shoulders.

"Thanks for letting me baby you a bit. It's been a long, long time since you let me do that. I'm going to stay around and see the old school for a bit. I promise that I won't embarrass you and demand hugs and kisses, or at least, not too much."

She pushed him back a bit and then waved her hands in the classic go-away gesture. "Go and get some air. You don't need to sit around with me all the time. I'll see you at lunch and at dinner; and then I'll be going home and letting you get on with your school life. However, I'll let you know that I'll

be talking to Madam Pomfrey about your injuries and if there's anything that I can do. Now, go."

With that, Draco stood up and bowed to his mother, giving her another kiss on the check, and then bowed formally to Misuzu who nodded back with a smile that reached her eyes as well. He then turned and walked down the gap between the benches towards the doors, where he stopped and looked back, giving a light wave to his mother, and then stepped into the hallway.

The dent in the wall drew his attention. Someone had added a small sign beside the dent, reading "Health Warning: Do not harass or back-talk a Mahou Shoujo, It will NOT be pretty. For details, please contact Draco Malfoy. Meep! Meep!" Someone else had added a sign on a stick where his right hand had been. This sign just had the large letters for "Mamma!' on it with the small letters below "Mfg by the Acme Manufacturing Company, Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States. Pat. Pend." Nothing made sense except for the indirect jibe about him, though nothing seemed to be nasty or really poking fun at what had happened. Shrugging, he turned towards the main entrance and walked out on to the staircase and down unto the grounds. He stopped and looked around, trying to decide where to go

when he heard shrieks and laughs coming from the vicinity of the Quidditch Pitch.

He looked over and saw figures climbing and dropping and pirouetting in the air over the pitch. "At least someone's fun," he muttered and started walking along the pathway that led past the Whomping Willow to the Pitch.

As he reached the bend that led past the furthest reach of the tree and down towards the pitch, he saw Ron Weasley reading a book and frantically flipping pages and taking notes as he muttered angrily to himself. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, Draco walked down and stood in front of Ron but to the side and looked off towards the Pitch, with his hands in his pants pockets.

"Can you believe it, Malfoy? They let them use that instead of brooms!" came Ron's angry voice from behind him within seconds.

"Hunh! Not using brooms? Sorry, I didn't really look." replied Draco, keeping his voice level and neutral, which he figured would tick off Weasley more than a bit of sarcasm. Besides, he wanted to see what had gotten Weasley so worked up, especially if it was Quidditch-related.

Looking towards the pitch, he looked closely and saw that not all of the people whizzing around in an obvious practice session were not using regulation brooms. In fact, it looked a lot like boards or planks of various sizes. Not only that, but they were flying in an aggressive manner that showed good knowledge and skills, pretty well the equal of any of the Hogwarts teams, and possibly close to that of professional teams.

"Boards of some sort," Draco replied.

"Yeah, and the rule book says that only brooms can be used! Here! Come look for yourself!"

Draco stepped over and sat beside Ron and took the book that Ron pushed into his hands. "Quidditch Through the Ages, Yes, as close to the official rules as you can get." Flipping the book open, Draco looked at the pages randomly and verified his memory against what the pages were saying. Opening the book to the frontpiece, he noted the dedication and publication date.

"Ah Weasley, look here. This might be the problem." Pointing at the dedication and publication date, he handed the book over.

"Dedicated to Her Majesty, Victoria, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India on the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee and sixty years as Queen. Published, July 1897."

Draco closed his eyes as he did a fast calculation. "That's ninety-eight years ago. Rules can change a lot in that period of time. Where did you get this copy?"

"Same place as you - the Library," replied Ron as he flipped the book to the sign-out sheet and pointed at the lists of students who'd signed it out over the years. "Even you," he said as he pointed to Draco's signature.

"That's the copy we've been using for..." Ron flipped back to the title page and checked the library stamp. "Uh... Sixty years. No. Seventy years," Ron sighed and looked at Draco with a wet Beagle expression. "We're screwed, aren't we?"

Draco nodded and clapped Ron gently on the shoulder. "Maybe, maybe not. How fast can we get our hands on a recent set of rules?"

Ron shrugged. "I'll check but I'm willing to be that the Minato team does. Do you want me to ask them?"

Draco snickered then shrugged. "I was going to say good luck with your record of asking girls for anything but then I realized that I may have burned that particular bridge three days ago with Missus Saotome. What say, we both approach them and ask politely if they have a recent copy of the rules and explain why. NO QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR BEING LEGAL OR NOT, okay? Just explain that the rules

in use here at Hogwarts are a century out of date and we were wondering about their boards and what the current rules say, just to satisfy our curiosity. Sound good?"

Ron thought about it for a second and nodded slowly. "Let's do it at lunch. However, you've got someone coming this way, and she definitely doesn't look happy to see you." Ron pointed to the approaching figure. Pansy.

Pansy Parkinson walked up to Draco and looked at him as if he was something that she'd scraped off of the bottom of her shoe. She whipped up her left hand and she had a wooden sign in it. She started to flip it front-to-back and words appeared on the second pass.

"You are... a piece of ... flaming shite!... I don't know... why I'm even... talking to you!"

Draco raised his right eyebrow. "Interesting trick. Is this a technique that you learned from the Saotomes?"

"Yes," she replied, then caught herself, and started flipping the sign again.

"Saotome Technique... Anything ... Sign Manipulation... Techni..."

The sign kept flipping but nothing was appearing. Pansy started looking really frustrated, and then produced a thick muggle pen and tried writing on the sign with it. "Damn muggle marking pens! They're supposed to last for days, but here, it's less than five minutes!"

She tossed the pen and sign down beside Draco and then flopped down beside him, and sighed. She looked at him, anger and frustration spread across her face in a most un-Slytherin expression.

Draco picked up the sign and tried flipping it over and over as Pansy had done, then placed it on the far side, away from Pansy, then moved the pen over as well. He then scooted closer to Pansy and smiled at her, trying to put his "I am being sincere" face on.

"Interesting technique. Must have taken you a lot of effort to get good with it, and then have the pen fail you miserably when you really got going."

She looked at him, sniffed and then looked away. "I was so ready to get into a ripping argument with you, and here you are, calm cool, collected and downright courteous."

He sniffed. "Not really my doing. I'm so loaded on whatever happy-juice Madam Pomfrey had lying around, plus no-pain potions and I'm pretty sure I've got a triple dose of skeleheal potion, considering the dent that I made in the Entrance Hall wall. I mean, I've just been courteous with Ronald Weasley of all people! It's just easier to let things slide, being Dark and moody just takes

too much effort at the moment. Now's your chance to win an argument with me."

Pansy looked at him, her face showing concern hidden behind the normal Slytherin expression of boredom. "Just what random idea had you assault Missus Saotome, and then provoke her like you did?"

Draco closed his eyes and titled his head back, trying to put together his thoughts in a sequence that made sense.

"Only thing that springs to mind is Father's in Azkaban. I mean that every time that he was accused of some crime or another, he'd be walking in from the fireplace within hours of being arrested. I figured that if he was gone, it was up to me to be the biggest baddest dude. Make him proud of me. Well, that

brilliant idea wasn't... Brilliant that is, I wound up blowing off a person that I had no real idea of what her capabilities and strengths were. Went charging in all evil and Gryffindor-like, and that's a combination that makes me shudder, just thinking about it. Paid the price for it. Nothing to do for the next three days except to be a target for everyone else who has a bone to pick with me. Pretty

stupid, wasn't I?"

Pansy snickered and lowered her head, then looking sideways at him. "Strangely enough, I kind of like you like this. Easy to talk to. No disguises and masks..."

Draco looked at her and smiled. "You know. It's going to bug the heck out of everyone with no effort on my part. All I have to do is make sure that I'm not in a dark and lonely hallway late at night and I should be safe. Mostly, that is."

Pansy straightened and looked at him, serious and open. "You sure about that? Maybe I've learned a secret hidden-weapon technique and am about to take you out."

Draco smirked at her. "Probably not, you'd want to spear me and leave me lying around bleeding all over the place, but not so bad that I'd be in danger of not getting to Madam Pomfrey's before I bled out."

Both of them looked at each other and snickered. "Nah!" they both said to each other at the same time.

Draco leaned towards Pansy and asked, "seriously Pansy, what have I missed in the last three days?"

Pansy quirked her eyebrow and nodded. "Well, not a lot except for... yeah! It's all tied in to that..."

Draco nudged her with his elbow and Pansy jumped. "Start in chronological order... Sorry, that sounds like me being my old self and I don't really mean it. Take a deep breath and start when you first got back here on the Hogwarts Special."

Pansy gave him a look that said "I am going to punish you for that", took a deep breath and sighed.

"It was the usual confusion getting off of the train, with the First Years getting directed down to the lake and everyone else had to take the carriages. Boy! You can really tell who can see the thestrals, especially for the first time... Yeah, My Gran died over the break and I was there." She shuddered, sighed and started again.

"Surprise of surprises. Dumbledore wasn't there, but Professors McGonagall and Snape were introduced as co-Headmasters. They did a big announcement: we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, actually two. One hired by the school just before the term started and the other appointed by the Ministry of Magic. This is where things get confusing, so please bear with me."

"The school hired some Chinese witch who lives in Nerima, Tokyo, Japan. She's really ancient and can actually stare down Professor Snape, so please don't tick her off. Not sure what the deal was, but the school built buildings for her to live in, and she came along with her family as well as a student exchange team, the Minato All-Girls Quidditch team who are the same age as us."

Draco nodded. "The village went up just as I arrived as by Father went to jail and I came to Hogwarts early. Let me guess, Missus Saotome is a member of her family, right?"

Pansy nodded. "She actually has a job here - she works with Miss Pomfrey, as a counselor. She's a trained psychologist, though I don't know much about that except that she's some sort of mind healer. Oh yes, be very careful because her husband is our new Physical Education instructor, and he's a trained martial artist. I've seen him practice with the others, and it's like watching something out of a fantasy - fast, hard, lots of weird stuff, jumping, flipping, throwing fireballs without using magic. I've even seem him showing how vulnerable wizards can be against him, using Professor Snape as his opponent. BOOM! no spells, hexes or anything. He ran like a Patronus, got up close, yanked the wand out of Professor Snape's hand, and then punched him across the Quidditch pitch, the long way, in one fluid motion. And Professor Snape was ready and casting some sort of hex at the time. They did it three times before Mr. Saotome called it quits as he was afraid the Professor Snape was going to get really seriously injured."

Draco was stunned and stared at Pansy. Pansy looked back at him and nodded. "Honest. I thought that Snape would quit after the first one, but he stood up, got ready and started spell-casting without warning. BOOM! BOOM! Mr. Saotome did something and the hex exploded before it reached him, and he ran through the smoke and took out Snape again. Third time, Mr Saotome ran away, and Snape was casting hexes like mad and missed every time, then Mr. Saotome did one of his leaps, spun around and produced one of his fireballs and took out Snape. The other professors were around and all swore up and down that the only magic was coming from Professor Snape."..."

Draco sniffed. "I guess that Professor Snape was totally pissed by that point."

"I don't think so. Mr Saotome came over and offered him his hand to help him up. Professor Snape laughed and reached up, then was helped to his feet. They're practically best friends now, with Professor Snape making sure that everyone in Slytherin is taking classes. He even took house points for people not attending or making an effort in the classes. The other houses are also doing lessons as well with his other wives."

Draco's head snapped at that comment. "WIVES!? You're only supposed to have a single wife. That's the law... Oh, hang on, that's Weasley's type of line. What the explanation?"

"They got married in Japan and there's some obscure rule from China or somewhere that applied. Somethings called the Kiss of Death and the Kiss of Marriage. Plus, and this is the real twist. Mr. Saotome has a magical curse. Sort of like an involuntary animagus form."

Draco leaned back and looked at the sky. "You're getting warmed up. Let me see if I can guess it. Got to be really weird so it can't be some form of a magical beat or a regular one. Ghost? Dementor? No, too easy. Well, I'll bite, what does he turn into, a girl?"

Pansy nodded. "Yep! Really cute, long red hair, breasts out to here." She moved her hands out to a good foot beyond her own nipples. "And an attitude that puts yours at your worst to shame. Well, that's what she looks like, but she seems to have this real soft touch when it comes to his, er HER, wives. All FIVE of them."

Draco nodded. "What are their names? They all can't be Missus Saotome."

Pansy nodded. "It's Professor Cologne, Mr Saotome wants to be called Ranma, and his wives are Misuzu - you've already met her, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi."

Draco looked up into the sky and sighed. "Speaking of Missus Misuzu... What is a Mahou Shojo?"

Pansy scratched the back of her head. "It's Japanese and means 'magic girl.' Literally, they're magic. According to my sources, they are found mostly in Minato and they hunt demons..." She slowed down.

"We've got a team from Minato and not all of them use brooms," she said and looked hard at Draco. "You wanna bet that some of them might be? Mahou Shojo, that is."

"I know one of the new staff is. Which is why there's a me-sized dent in the Entranceway wall. Anyway, who's the new DADA instructor?"

Pansy looked at him, eyebrows crawling up her forehead, then she shrugged. "Okay, whatever," she said to herself. "The new instructor is this old Chinese woman, likes to be named Cologne because her name is actually 'Ku Lon' and most people mispronounce it. She's absolutely ancient and makes Professor Snape on a really bad day look better than Professor McGonagall at her best. Sounds stupid but when she bounces up to you on her staff and she whacks you with it in mid-hop, you know that she means what she's saying. Shampoo Saotome or properly 'Xian Pu' is her great-grand-daughter or something like that. She's teaching us what is the curriculum and then goes off on these tangents about potions and

martial arts techniques using something called ki or chi. Which is some form or energy that we all have in varying amounts but isn't magic but sure looks like that. The magic girls have something else and they're trying to show us how it works as well."

"Sounds like you're having fun," Draco drawled, striving to say it without sounding sarcastic.

She smiled and nodded. "Actually, I am and so is almost everyone else. No house points, only head whacks."

"When did everyone arrive? I know that Missus Saotome was here before everyone else, but I ticked her off and spent the last three days unconscious."

She laughed and nodded, then looked at him shyly. "You missed the big arrival after you got wall-planted. About noon, some visitors from the Ministry and the Wizengamut showed up, and everyone went down to the quidditch pitch and Misuzu opened a portal. Bam, no hesitation, just this big ball of fire shot from her hands and then expanded into a ring thirty feet across. OK, a portal is a magical doorway, but this one was totally stable. It suddenly blinked and you could see daylight on the other side and even clouds and a mountain off in the distance. I later found out that it was Mount Fuji. Then, there were these moving trucks and a school bus rolling through and were directed up to the gates of the temple complex. Then all these people jumped out of the trucks and started moving boxes into the building while the schoolbus unloaded with the remaining Saotomes and Cologne plus all these girls in school uniforms, plus a couple of guys in fancy business suits. Professors McGonagall and Snape walked over and introduced the people from the Wizengamut and the Ministry, and everyone was bowing and shaking hands and bowing again. Then everyone had lunch and there were introductions all around, and then we found out that the school girls were the Minato All-Girls Quidditch team and that they were on a year-long exchange trip. And we then found out that they had all this ele-elec-elec-tronic items that worked in spite of the magic. Then Harry Potter put his foot into it when he sniffed at something they called kareoki and they challenged him to find something that was pure Gryffindor in their play lists, and... and... and"

She pouted. "I'm babbling, aren't I?"

Draco smiled and ruffled her hair. "Considering you seemed to do that last bit on a single breath, I would say just a little. Speaking of lunch, isn't it about that time? Do you want to walk up and find a place and you can explain more about what I've missed. I've also got some questions to ask the Minato All-Girls Quidditch Team."

She looked at him. "You mean that, what you just said and implied?"

Draco nodded and stood. "Yes, tongues will probably wag and rumours will fly. But I promise you, that I will do absolutely nothing to imply anything other than the utmost courtesy and respect." He held out his hand to help her up.

"Aw, that's no fun, Malfoy!"

He laughed and then leered at her, still holding out his hand. "We could always add credence to those rumours but a little bit of disheveled clothing. Nothing serious, just things not tucked in properly and out of breath as we arrived."

Pansy giggled. "No. If we arrived looking prim and proper, we just might slip berneath everyone's attention, which would bother them all the more. Sound like a plan?" She reached up and put her hand in his.

He pulled gently and Pansy rose to her feet. Slipping her hand into the crook of his elbow, he guided her up the hill to the main entrance to Hogwarts. "Yes, a very Slytherin plan or just two friends walking along, enjoying each other's company with no other concerns or ulterior motives."

She giggled and leaned her head on his shoulder, covertly looking around to see if anyone was watching. "Damn, no one's looking. A Slytherin plan's no good if no one is paying attention."

They reached the entrance and walked through, pausing a moment to look at the dent in the wall and remark on the signs.

Pansy snickered. "Between the Minato girls providing the Roadrunner context, it's all Gryffindor and Hufflepuff."

Draco quireked his right eyebrow and looked at the signs again. "Gryffindor and Hufflepuff... who would have thought it. Let me guess, Hufflepuff did the verbiage and Gryffindor put up the signs?"

Pansy snickered. "Wrong! Other way around. Now who would have thought that?"

Draco snickered back. "Regardless, I can see the humour. So the fiendish and cunning plans that I can come up with will come to naught and leave me hanging in the breeze, usually over some deep chasm or hitting a wall or similar solid object at high speed, right?"

"Uh hunh. I'm getting famished. Hidden sign technique takes it out of you and my energy levels are getting low."

"Well, milady, your wish is my command. You can't plot fiendish plans properly when your energy levels are low. Revenge is best served cold and on a full stomach."

With that, they walked into the Dining Hall and towards the Slytherin tables.

_**&amp;-&amp;-&amp;-&amp; (Time passes)**_

"Malfoy", whispered Montague from across the table after bouncing a nut off of Draco's head. "Sorry about breaking into your love life, but there's someone from the Gryffindor table that seems to be trying to get your attention while attempting being subtle and discrete."

Draco looked up and then truend and looked over his shoulder. "Oh, it's just Weasley. Actually, we've got an appointment with the Minato girls to ask some questions about the Quidditch rules and their equipment." Draco looked across the table, taking in everyone's interest and Pansy's snicker-stifling

expression. "Quidditch rules and equipment. Sheesh! I swear. Sometimes you guys are too canny for your own good. Weasley was moaning about the rules and waving that old rulebook from the Library. You DO know that it's decades out of date? I cautioned Weasley about going in half-cocked and surprising, he agreed to both of us going over and asking to see their copy of the rulebook. I've also guessed that Weasly's figured out that I've had my lunch and is getting a bit impatient and acting just a little like a small child. Speaking of which, bouncing a nut off of my head to get my attention was totally Gryffindor. You sure that you were Sorted into the right House?"

With that, Draco nodded to Pansy, picked up and kissed the palm of her hand closest to him, and then stepped over the bench and walked down the gap and towards Weasley, while studiously keeping a straight face and ignoring the bleat of indignation from Montague and the snickers from everyone else in his vicinty at the Slytherin table.

Weasley intercepted him and tried a reasonably good eyebrow cocking while looking over Draco' shoulder at Pansy and the other Slytherins. Draco took a slow but brief look over his shoulder then grapsed Weasley's shoulder and steered him in the direction of the Minsto girls' table. "Good quirk on the

eyebrow, Weasley. If someone didn't know better, they probably think that you were a Slytherin."

Ron's expression went indignant, then he deliberately blanked his facial expression. "Got me again, didn't you?"

Draco smiled and shrugged. "I apologize, I was just twitting my Captain's attempt at getting my attention, and you walked up acting more like a Slytherin than you probably thought that you were capable of, so I twitted you. Let's go and talk to the Minato girls and get our hands on their rulebook. Remember, let me do the talking. I may have gotten off on the wrong foot with Missus Saotime, but I think that my approach is still better than yours would be."

Ron looked at him and nodded. "After all, if you flub and become another dent in the wall, I can apologize and blame the whole issue on you being an over-enthusiastic rule-stickler who's only reference was a book almost a century out of date. Then I very politely ask if I could see a copy of their rule book, preferably an English copy."

"I thought that was my line," grunted Draco as he tried to squash the snicker trying to escape. He forced himself to revert back to his usual expression as he spotted Potter, Granger and the ex-ghost Myrtle walking up to them.

Granger glared at both of them and put her hands on her hips. "OK you two, you're up to something and if both of you are involved, it's probably going to be messy or embarassing or both." Potter and Myrtle looked a bit embarassed but nodded when Granger looked at them.

Weasly turned to them and put a totally innocent expression on his face. "Hermione! How can you think like that? Look, all I and Malfoy here want to do is to look at their copy of the rules of quiddich and ask about the boards that we saw them using today at their practice. That's it. Malfoy here volunteered to do the asking because I'd either get tongue-tied or go charging in and insult them. He's already done the insulting, so he knows what not to say..."

"Hey, it was nothing like that!" Draco stepped in front of Weasley and confronted Granger. "Look, what Weasley said is mostly true. The Hogwarts' copy of the rule is a century old and he's the total Quidditch nut around here, so I insisted that we take a low-keyed approach. I guess that's gone out the window now, because the whole Minato table is staring at us. You going to say anything, Potter? You're almost as big a Quidditch nutcase as Weasley here."

Potter looked embarrassed and looked down at his toes for a moment, then put his hand on Granger's shoulder, pulling her slightly back to get her to look at him. "Malfoy's right, if it was Ron or me, we'd probably go charging in and start demanding answers based on the rulebook rather than what they're going to be doing, or at least say that they're going to be doing. We'd better calm down and quietly walk over, because I don't want to be a dent in a wall if I can avoid it."

Granger huffed. "I can't believe that I'm getting dragged into this, especially with a Slytherin, let alone a Malfoy. I'll admit it, I'm curious, if only to satisfy my curiosity and try to keep my friends from making total fools of themselves. Go ahead, Malfoy, but don't expect me to protect you if you screw up."

Draco bowed towards Granger. "Understood, Miss Granger. I really want to satisfy my curiosity. After all, charging into a situation with no intelligence on what the real situation is is not something that a Slytherin usually does; we usually leave that to Gryffindor House. No slight intended, just stating facts."

Luna Lovegood slid in beside Draco and smiled at everyone. "Are you all going over to talk to the Minato girls about their quidditch boards? If you are, I want to listen. This would make a better article for the Quibbler than the latest sighting of nargles and snipes in the Forbidden Forest."

Both Granger and Draco looked at her, gobsmacked expressions on their faces.

Ginny Wesley strolled in and tapped her brother on the left shoulder. "Littlest Big Bro, what are you doing? Is this going to get a howler or two from Mom? Because if it is, you'd better include me. Better yet, just include me so I can tell Mom what really happened and then she can fire off the Howlers."

Ronald Weasley looked as if someone had killed a kitten in front of him.

Pansy slid in on the other side of Draco. "This is getting interesting. Should we ask any other houses to join us before you actually do get over there? They're ALL staring at you and passing notes and what looks like paper money back and forth."

Everyone turned and looked at the new Minato table and saw everyone there looking back at them.

Draco sighed. "Come on, Weasley. We might as well get this over with." With that, he stepped around everyone and walked over to the end of the table and deeply bowed to the table's residents.

Straightening up, he politely said "Good day, my name is Draco Malfoy, seeker on the Slytherin House team. May I speak to your team Captain?"

A long pause ensued, and then one girl, three down from Draco stood and bowed back. She spoke a spate of Japanese bowed again and then sat down, looking at him expectantly.

Draco knew that he was on dangerous ground and they already knew what he had done to Missus Saotome and were defintiely not going to make things easy for him.

He sighed and bowed again. "I'm sorry but my knowledge of Japanese is non-existant. Does anyone here know English and can act as as translator?"

Silence reigned for a full five seconds with all the the Minato girls staring at him. Sweat began to accumulate at his hairline when the team Captain giggled and stood again. "For a gaijan, you have good manners. I am Minazuki Haruka, or Haruka Minazuki according to your conventions on names. I am also the seeker on the team. Is there something that you wanted to ask us?"

Draco smiled and gave short bow, noticing that there was a brief and subtle flurry of passed notes and coloured paper among the others with a small pile being placed to Minazuki's right which was quietly palmed. Clearing his throat, he asked in his most polite manner, "do you happen to have the latest Quidditch rules, preferably an English translation if possible?"

"Hai" came the quiet response from Minazuki and nothing more.

Draco quashed his sense of perplexity and realized that this was some sort of test.

"Do you mean that you understand what I'm asking for, or are you agreeing that you do have a copy?"

"Hai," came the immediate response with a slight twitch to Minazuki's lips. Draco smiled back. This was going to take thought and asking the right question in exactly the right way, he realized.

Weasley stepped forward and started to speak. "We..." was as far as he got before Draco's elbow found Wesley's solar plexus and he folded over Draco's elbow.

"My apologies again. My companion is eager to ask a question that involves a common interest between us, namely Quidditch. Please let me introduce them. This gentleman with my elbow in his stomach is Ronald Weasley, Keeper for the Gryffindor team. The gentleman with the wild-beast hair is Harry Potter, Seeker for Gryffindor. The ladies are Pansy Parkinson, a friend of mine and a Slytherin; the one with the massive curls in Hermione Granger, who is a friend of both of Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter, and is also a Gryffindor. The one with the pale blonde hair is Luna Lovegood, a member of Ravenclaw House and whose father is the editor and publisher for a Wizarding World newspaper called the Quibbler. The redhead is Ginerva Weasley or simply Ginny, sister to Ronald and also a Gryffindor; and finally the remaining young lady is simply known as Myrtle, and is a ahem ward of Harry Potter and is a former ghost of Hogwarts."

Minazuki gave a small smile and said "hai?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "OK, yes, this is aggravating and I know that you're doing this to tease me. Hai? What Weasley here and I would like to see, if at all possible, is the copy of the Quidditch rules that you use."

Minazuki looked at him seriously and went "hai?" again.

Draco nudged Weasley and held his hand out. "The Hogwarts copy, please, Weasley."

Ron dove a hand into his robes and patted himself. A panicked expression arose on his face. "I had it here a minute ago. I was looking at the section on brooms to make sure that I was reading it correctly. Harry, Hermine? Did you happen to see it at lunch?"

Hermione flipped a booklet from under her robes and passed it to Draco. "Here, Malfoy. Ron left it behind when you two started over here. I must say that you two are really putting British/Japanese relations back a century, just like this book."

Draco took the book from her and bowed a bit. Flipping it open and the book fell into the right position for the section dealing with brooms. He then turned it around and presented it to Minazuki, concentrating on handing it to her as he would have given a precious flower. She reached up and took the book and then looked at the page.

"This is the section that lays out the allowable equipment. This particular subsection states that only brooms can be used. Our copy is almost a century out of date, and what all of us would like to see is what a current copy says."

Minazuki nodded and skimmed the relevant section, then placed the book down on the table, still open to the section. Reaching into her robes, she pulled out a small tablet and then procced to start it and then did something involving tapping the screen and moving her fingers around in sweeps and spurts, obviously searching for something. A final set of gestures with her fingertips had her smile and then extend the tablet to him.

"Please be careful about using your magic when touching this. It hasn't quite been made resistant but touching it with your fingers shouldn't cause problems. I have set this to show the English translation of the rules and I've opened it to the matching section. As you can see here," as she pointed to the relevant section and then moved her finger up and down to shift the text, "the rules have changed and boards or planks are allowed, as long as the rider is attached to them and the shape is such that it cannot cause injury. The use of boards and brooms to cause injury to other players is strictly forbidden and the penalties are covered in another section that I can show you later."

Placing it beside the school's copy of the rules, she waved her hand at it. "Weasley-kun, please take a seat and read the rules for yourself. Again, try not to let your natural magic become too active as you will cause the iPad to break."

Ronald squeezed past the couple and slipped unto the bench, the carefully started shifting the text around so that he could read what was written. "Um," he said, "could you please show me how to make this larger? The letters are quite small for me."

One of the other members of the Minato team laughed and pulled the tablet toward her. "Here, watch what I am doing and copy it. Like this to get the landscape view. Like this to increase and reduce the letter size. Don't tap or double-tap as you will wind up starting another application accidentally. Got it?"

Ron nodded and then smiled and bowed in her direction. "Thank you. Domo arigato, I think….."

He then started reading what was there very carefully, fingers barely touching the glass plate to move things around.

Draco bowed to Minazuki. "Thank you for your kindness. I suspect that Weasley here is going to spend the rest of lunch skimming the rules. If he gets out of control, just hit him on the back of the head and tell him to behave. If he breaks anything, make sure that he pays for it."

Ron's head barely moved from his reading of the rules. "Hey! I'm not THAT bad, Malfoy! Minazuki, please, would it be possible to see your boards and see how you use them?" He turned around on the bench and bowed toward her.

Minazuki looked at her fellow classmates, who nodded back, some showing fingers. "How does 5 o'clock sound like? I know that none of us have a class at that time, and if we go long, we're eating only into supper time so none of the professors will argue with that."

Weasley looked torn between finding about boards and loosing time to feed his face. Shrugging to himself more than anyone else, he said "I'm OK with that. How about everyone else? Also, should we ask the other house teams to take a look? I mean, they should be invited in all fairness. It'll cut down on complaints about unfair advantages and improper equipment."

Draco's eyebrows climbed up his forehead. "Wonders never cease, Weasly. A very good thought. If that is all right with you and the rest of the Minato team, Minazuki-sama?"

"Hai!" came the chorused response from everyone at the table.

_**(At the Quidditch pitch, 5PM)**_

Minazuki looked over the crowd and then back to her team-mates and shrugged.

"Draco! You owe me for this!" she shouted at the crowd and the white-haired Slytherin in particular.

"Hai!" came his shouted response along with his trademark smirk.

"Okay, this is going to be a quick introduction to Quidditch Boarding. Technical questions and interpretation of the rules will be covered later and in smaller groups. Ron Weasley, before he blew up my iPod, did manage to get the rules printed out and copies will be available tomorrow at breakfast for each House. Anyone else who wants their own copy will have to make copies from their House copy. Everyone understand that?"

"Hai," came the faint response from the Hogwarts students. The Minato team snickered and started quietly exchanging notes and cash, some of it being passed to Hogwarts students such as Potter, Malfoy, and both Weasleys.

Minazuki then went over the various sizes and shapes of boards, as well as safety and games rules, using the Minato team to illustrate the point being made, especially regarding the "sticky spell" that kept the player attached to the board, even when inverted or going vertically. Minazuki made notes to keep the Weasley twins under close watch, especially if they got close to the potion charged with the "sticky spell", having been the recipient of some of the tricks that could be played from her first year as a Quidditch player.

After 20 minutes, everyone had pretty well finished and only the Potter and Malfoy groups remained, with several of the girls eyeing the boards.

Hermione got pushed forward by Ginny, who snapped her head in Minazuki's direction. Minazuki looked at Hermione and smailed. "Do you want to give a board a try?" she asked Hermione.

Hermione gathered herself and said, "I'd like to but you see…. I really can't fly on a broom and I don't think that I could do a board."

"Ahhhh," went Minazuki. "Bad experiences your first time on a broom?"

Hermione nodded and Harry chimed in. "Yes, even when she does have to fly, totally petrified." Hermione's glare at him spoke volumes. "Really, Hermione, it's the truth."

Hermione hung her head and nodded. "It rally, really sucks..."

Minazuki draped an arm around Hermione's shoulders. "We'll take this really slow and I'll detune the board to make it respond very slowly and we'll work from there. Right now, I'll have the board levitate at six inches, and you can step on and find your center. Once you're ready, we can start slowly."

Hermione stepped on the board and Minazuki coached her in how to stand properly. Once Hermione felt comfortable, the board was pushed gently and coasted along with Hermione keeping herself balanced on the board. Hermione looked at Minazuki and gave a weak smile as she edged around in a large loop.

Minazuki smiled back and whispered, "want to go a bit higher and faster?" Hermione gave another tentative nod.

At that moment, another board howled past in an inverted position, with Ginny Weasley laughing and waving.

Hermione shrugged and applied herself to getting a better feel for the board.

Ten minutes later, Hernione stepped off of the board and looked at the others who were blasting all over the Quidditch Pitch on the boards, even the worst of them way better than she was. Her shoulders slumped as she picked up her board and walked towards the stands.

Ginny walked up to her and gave her a hug, then looked at Minazuki. "It looks like Hermione's afraid of losing her balance. Is there any way of sticking the board to her so that she's lying on the board or something like that?"

Minazuki nodded and talked to a couple of her team-mates in a volley of Japanese. One of the other girls rummaged in one of the equipment bags and pulled out a board, one seemingly impossibly short and way to small to stand on. Wlakig up to Hermione, she mimed pulled her shirt out from her shorts and turning around. Hermione did that and her shirt got pulled up and the board slapped unto her back between the shoulder blades. Another quick flurry of Japanese went between this girl and Minazuiki.

Minasuki said, "Herione, the board is active, and Takamori-kun wants you to run along and flap your wings and pretend that you are flying. That will calibrate the board. When you're ready, run fast and leap into the air as if you're going to glide along. We'll take it from there."

Hermione twitched her eyebrow at Minazuki's short explanation. "not a joke? You really want me to run along and pretend that I'm a bird trying to take off?"

"Hai," came the smiling response. "Like a blue-footed boobie taking off in the Galapagos."

Hermione snickered. "I've seen those nature films, so here goes."

Hermione started across the pitch, running and flapping her arms, feeling totally embarassed at her actions. That'swhen she noticed that her steps were getting longer and longer. Throwng caution to the winds, she extended her arms and leaped.

She stabilized in a glide at about four feet and kept flapping her arms, slowly gaining altitude until she reached about ten feet, when she kept her arms outstetched and glided along, laughing in joy as the far stands gradually approached.

She twisted her toso slightly taking a banking attitude, and she came around in a gret sweeping turn, skimming along well away from the walls and gradually came back to point back the way that she'd come. As she got closer, she saw everyone cheering and Minazuki jumping ona board and rocketing up beside her, followed by Harry on his broom and Ginny on another board.

"Good! Good! The board is tuning itself to you and learning what you want it to do. Don'tg worry, the board's failsafe system will keep you from doing a faceplant and will avoid the ground expect when you are planning to land. The command for that is "landing, now!"

Hermione nodded and she and the board bobbled just a bit. "Landing, now!" she intoned.

The board swung her body into an upright position and gently lowered her to the ground while reducing her forward speed.

Harry, Myrtle and Ginny walked over and gave her a big mutual hub.

Hermione looked over at Minazuki. "Is that all there is? I mean, I can't see an entire Quidditch team flapping across the field and climbing for altitude like big blue-footed boobies..."

Minazuki laughed. "No, you have to learn how to tell the board what you want to do. The basic setting is what you have right now. You just have to visualize what you want and then make sure that the board

gets the signal."

"What, like imagining myself being hit by a Wingaurdium Leviosa and then drifting up... into... the ... Sky! What's happening?!" The last being squeaked out as she drifted off of the ground and gradually gained altitude.

"Start visualizing what you want to do and start moving your body if you want to change direction."

Herminone closed her eyes for a second and then whispered "Acceleratium." her body started moving forward at a faster rate. She then extended her hands out in front of herself and then pulled one in to her chest, resulting in a neat spiral roll, stopped only when she extended both hands out again, then reversing as she pulled in the other had and repeated the sequence. Pulling back with both hands resulted in her going over on to her back, and then she reversed direction again.

"Oh wow! This is just like the Superman movies. I wonder..."

She then kipped over into horizontal flight and pulled both hands back to her sides, accelerating sharply across the field, then pulling up into a big vertical loop where she rolled out of it at the top. A

whoop of joy had her pulling another roll and accelerating into the bottom half of the loop, pulling back into a vertical position and gently bumping into the ground in front of the crowd.

Her smile was plastered all over her face and she was practially jumping in spot. "OKAY, this is going to be massively enbarassing, but I have to give it a try... Transfiguro Kryptoniium House of EL!"

Her wandstroke went down her body, replacing her t-shirt and shorts with a very different red miniskirt, blue top with a gold pentagram-shape on her chest and red-and-gold boots.

"Up, up and away!" she shouted and jammed one hand into the air. She rocketed from the ground and went up hundreds of feet in a few seconds, then rolled through all sorts of aerobatics before looping to just

above the ground and howling past everyone, then pulled up into a very tight loop, then shifted to a vertical position and slowly descended to the ground, alighting with barely a shift in her weight.

Myrtle jumped on her and gave her a hug. "Oh, that was absolutely amazing! Can I give it a try?"

Minazuki held her hand out to her class-mate and another small board was slapped into her hand. "Shirt!"

Myrtle immediately yanked her shirt out of her shorts and turned around had the board slapped between her shoulders, and then was stopped by Minazuki saying "Hang on, I have to sync this board with Hermione's and then get you to try visualizing." A quick flash of bright light came from both Hermione and Myrtle. "Good to go! Have fun!"

Myrtle bounced literally over to Hermione and threw out her arms.

"Transformation, please!"

Hermione thought for a second. "Different genre for you, just so we can tell each other apart. Ahhhhhh... here goes nothing: Transfiguro Shazam Mary Marvel!" she said and then waved her want in the proscribed pass.

Myrtle's t-shirt and shorts were replaced with a caped red mini-dress with gold trim and a golden lightning bolt on her chest, along with matching red-and-gold boots. Hermine extended her hand and said, "Let's get some altitude and then cut you loose. Ready?"

Myrtle nodded ensthusiastically and grasped Hermionee's hand, being pulled into the air as they ascended and then gradually pushed over into level flight. About half-way across the pitch, Hermione released

her hand and pulled up into a gentle climb. Myrtle looked around and then followed Hermoione's original gestures and then started climbing after her. Within the minute, the two of them were howling around the

pitch, playing catch-as-catch-can.

Ginny nudged Miazuki and her class-mate. "Got any more of those hiding in that bag?" was delivered with a cheesy grin across her face.

The class-mate sighed and said to Minasuki, "I really think that you've created some sort of monster mob here. I actually have three more, better line up and see what Miss Otaku up there can create for you."

Ginny frowned at looked at the class-mate. "Otaku?"

"Anime and manga fanatic, so totally wrapped up in the culture and cosplay and everything. Cosplay is wearing costumes. Speaking of which, none of you three are allowed to be Sailor Moon, that's me..."

Ginny, Luna and Pansy promptly lifted their t-shirts and had the boards slapped on their backs, and then charged out into the field, waving their arms to get Hermione's and Myrtle's attention. Hermione dove

down to ground level and pulled a slow pass just beyond them and waved here wand and snapped out three charms:

"Ginny! Transfiguro Avenger Scarlet Witch!"

"Luna! Transfiguro X-Men Storm!"

"Pansy! Transfiguro Justice League Hawkwoman! BTW, Pansy, Hawkwoman's an intergalactic auror!"

Pansy's explosion was within moments, as she literally leaped into the sky in fast pursuit of Hermione, not really noticing that she was off of the ground without any visible effort, wings pulled tightly to her back. As she caught up, Hermione rolled unto her back and extended her hand, laughing in delight. "Nothing meant, really! It was all that I could think of at the time."

Pansy looked down at herself and then conjured a mirror in front of her, pulling up into a hover and extending her wings as she took in her reflection. Nodding, she said, "no matter what, I'll bet she was a take no prisoners type of person."

Hermione laughed and nodded. "That's why you've got that mace on your belt."

The other three reached them, looking around with great big cheese-maker grins.

Ginny smirked. "Quidditch anyone?" as she produced a snitch.

_** Dinner gong rings... **_

Harry sighed as he stared up at the "superheroines" chasing after a loose snitch. Ron and Draco snickered.

Harry looked over at them and went "what?"

"You want to be up there having fun as well," went Ron. "Same as us."

Harry shrugged and looked over at the Minato girls who were quietly packing away their boards and the other equipment the'd been displaying and walked over to help them.

Thank you very much for taking the time to show us this, and thank you very much for letting the girls play around with your... Ummm... small boards?"

The Minato girls snickered, and the one who'd been producing the boards that the Hogwarts girls were currently using said, "mini-boards, that's what they called in the general sense. Lots of slang expressions are used but they're a new product, aimed at people who want to go boardless and broomless or have issues with using them. My family created them and we're the only manufacturer." The other Minato girls nodded and smiled.

"Actually," went Harry. "I'd like to talk to you about that. My family, or rather, me mostly, owns Potter Investments. One of the product lines that they own is Cleansweep Brooms, and it looks like boards and specifically the mini-board could be possible additions to their product line. I'm not sure of your culture and whether or not I'm being terribly impolite and insulting by doing this, so I apologize in advance, and humbly ask if it is possible that Potter Enterprises can talk to your family about coming to some sort of arrangement..."

Harry shrugged and stated to speak again when the Minato team-mate nodded and smiled. "That's one reason that they sent me off with a half-dozen of their latest model, one that hasn't been released yet. Would you like one of the business cards so you can contact them?"

Harry bowed and smiled. "Yes, please, thank you very much!"

She reached into her purse and pulled out a small card holder, removed one card carefully and then bowed over it as she presented the card to Harry. Harry copied her bow and position and carefully reached out and took the card in the same manner that she'd present id. Straightening up, he looked at the card, which was beautifully engraved on very heavy card stock. Taking out his wallet, he carefully placed the card into an inside pocket and bowed at the team-mate again. "Thank you for your gift. I'll make sure that it goes to my manager and have him contact Mister ... Sorry, Takamori-sama in the next day or two. Is that acceptable?"

The team-mate smiled and bowed towards Harry. "If he is as courteous as you have been, Potter-kun, then there will be no issues in coming to some sort of arrangement. Are you involved in the running of Potter Enterprises?"

Harry shook his head. "No, my grand-father started the investments and my father added to it. Their method appeared to be to put good people in charge and to let them run the business as if it were their own. I've just let things continue and have been learning a bit about how the business operates. Quidditch is my passion and this looked to be a great opportunity that no one else in Britain knows about, yet. I'll give him the information and I've noticed Ron taking lots of pictures which will give him an idea of what is involved before he contacts Takamori-sama. He may have some questions for you sicne you know the product. Would you be willing to talk to him?"

She nodded "Hai. I would be swilling to answer any of his questions. My name is Takamori Miyano."

Harry bowed agin. "Thank you, Takamori."

Ron nudged Harry. "Can we leave now? I'm about to die from hunger and ..."

Harry and Draco chuckled. "Yes, Ron. Let's head up. Ladies, is there anything that you'd like us to carry for you?"

Mitazuki shook her head. Nai, Potter-kun, you could collect your friends before they spend all supper chasing the snitch and missing dinner. I hear that the house elves have tried another Japanese dish an it may actually be good this time around."

Harry nodded. "Excuse me," he went and produced his wand and pressed it to his neck "Sonorus! IF YOU WILD AND CRAZY LADIES WOULD LIKE TO JOIN US FOR DINNER SOON, YOU'D BETTER HURRY AND FINISH."

"Coming, just give us another minute or two," drifted down while the aerial cat-fight continued.

"Might as well go one and they can catch up," said Harry as he bowed to the Minato laides and motioned them to head up to Hogwarts ahed of them.

Everyone was seated when the ladies arrived about five minutes later, sweeping in through the entrance hall and into the Great Hall while still flying and in costume, then landing in a V formation with Hermione front-and-center. They then proceeded to the usual sitting locations, ignoring the stares of everyone around them, flipped their capes simultaneously (except for Pansy who extended out her wings to full span and snapped them back against her back with a boom) and seated themselves at precisely the same time.

The silence lasted for about ten seconds until Delores Unbridge leaped to her feet. "How date you! HOW DARE YOU! Showing up in such improper dress and flying into the Great Hall, no less! I shall see you expelled for inappropriate dress and attitude that is inciting disobedience to rules!"

Her comments triggered a Silencio! charm from Professor Snape who stood up and pinched his nose as if suffering a migrane. "Miss Umbridge, you are here to observe our teaching and discipline methods and to report to the Ministry! Nothing more, nothing less! NOW, if you can control yourself, please simply observe how I handle the situation and restore order, and PUNISH THE GUILTY!" The last remark aimed at the five costumed superheroines congregated at the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.

"I can't believe that three of the four Houses are involved in this. I expected such behaviour from the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws, but the Slytherins? And one of the notable members of Slytherins at that! Rather than delay things, you are to go now and write six closely-spaced inches on how your current garb fits into the school rules, when and were it might be appropriate, and what the punishments can and should be. If any one of you disagree with the final copy, you can present your own six inches, putting forth your opinions and explanations. You have one hour to complete your assignment, starting now. You will come to the Headmaster's office and present your paper or papers. Rather than delay your efforts, you will have supper in the one of the unused classrooms on this level BUT NO DESSERT. Do I make myself clear? Then I suggest that you get moving. Now!"


	18. Chapter 18

Author's Notes:

I taking a step of faith here and grinding out a random chapter, rather than following the the actual intended plot line. Several of the other writers that I've been exchanging notes with use this to capture "scenes" and then later work them into the plot line.

All I can say is that this is taking place early in the academic year, after the arrival of the exchange students and the new "spare" teachers who are there to protect the exchange students. Oh yes, Umbridge is kicking around somewhere but got cut off at the knees with Dumbledore getting Cologne to teach the DADA position, with Ranma and his crew running the Phys-Ed program (taking the "spare" sessions in everyone's schedules.)

I do promise to ensure that the NWC will take a more serious part in the story. Just has turned out that grinding out the first chapters has resulted in a HP focus that resulted in the NWC being really peripheral.

I've put this as being late in September, when everyone's settled down into the academic year but before the mayhem really gets going, according to canon. Of course, Umbridge can't get Harry to use the Blood Pen because she has no direct teaching responsibilities and does not have the ability to enforce detentions.

I'm going to get back to covering the rest of September 4th shortly. Sorry about making you all feel that you're in the TARDIS with a broken time-space-designator...

-000000-

Friday, September 22nd, 1995, approximately 7:30AM

Harry rolled over in the bed, feeling totally wiped out and really wanting to just roll over, pull the comforter back over his head and get more sleep.

"Just five minutes more," he mumbled as he pulled the comforter up over his shoulders and snuggled into the pillows.

A gentle breath whispered across his ear followed by Myrtle speaking. "Harry, it's 7:30, and you have to get up. You've got a half-hour to get up, shower, get dressed and grab some sort of breakfast before your first class. I know that you had astronomy last night, but you really should have gotten a nap in the evening... Hermione, he isn't moving. What can we do?"

A second breath ghosted across his ear, front the other direction and Hermione's voice came. "You know, if you're going to lie in bed and blow off the day, what say Myrtle and I join you in bed and we can get down and dirty..." A cool breeze blew down his back as the comforter and someone slid into the bed behind him and snuggled up to him and an arm dropped across his waist, the hand heading down towards his...

Harry's eyes snapped open and he self-levitated out of the bed, then turned around to face the two girls. That's when his brain caught up with his body and he realized that he was naked and they weren't... And looking at him with wide-eyed shock.

Hermione looked at Myrtle and whispered "you didn't tell me that he sleeps in the buff?"

Myrtle looked back. "You didn't ask what our sleeping arrangements are. You just assumed. For what it matters now, I sleep in the maid's chamber."

"Sorry, I just heard bed-warmer and assumed... Well, you know..."

Harry's brain finally restarted and he clamped his hands over his groin. "Would the two of you please move your conversation to the main room? I'm now awake, actually very wide awake and would very much like to use the bathroom and get dressed. Give me five minutes and I'll join you."

Myrtle and Hermione looked at each other then back at Harry, giving him a quick down-and-up look, and then snickered. Hermione nodded.

"Come on, Myrtle. I think that Harry's now wide awake and we can trust him not to go back to sleep."

Myrtle blushed. "Harry, I didn't mean for this to happen..."

Harry smirked at her, "I know, but with Hermione, things can get out of hand... My fault. Now, go on... Let me get dressed."

Hermione climbed off of the bed and then dragged Myrtle along with her as they headed for the doorway. Both looked back at Harry, now side-stepping towards the garde-robe.

As her hand touched the door knob, a shape dropped off of the ceiling and a light flashed in their eyes...

-000000-

That same day, 11:30AM

Ron, with Ginny, Draco and Neville trailing behind, approached the head table and Professor McGonagall. The Professor looked at them. "I'm assuming that his is about Harry, Minerva, and Myrtle."

"Yes, ma'am. They haven't been seen since Astronomy class last night and weren't at breakfast or any of this morning's classes. None of us have had any notes or anything from them, and... And... This... Isn't like them."

The various professors nodded their heads. Professor Snape leaned forward. "Nothing about blowing off classes for the day or just getting away?"

"No sir. Harry was pretty tired. Professor Sinistra can confirm that. We came down from the Tower and then saw Harry and Myrtle off to the Solar and headed for bed ourselves. That's the last that anyone saw of them. Plus, we've been asking the house elves and they get nervous and say they're around but busy and won't say anything more. They won't tell us where they are. We just got back from the Solar and the door is locked and the house elves won't unlock the door for us. We think that something's happened to them and they're inside the Solar and..."

Headmaster Dumbledore leaned over and whispered, "three professors have the authority to unlock any door in the sealed suites, and that includes the Solar. I suggest that you confirm that they are there or not before raising any alarms."

Professors McGonagall and Sinistra stood up and glanced at Snape. Sighing, he stood up and lead the way out of the Great Hall.

Arriving at the entrance to the Solar, Professor Snape knocked loudly on the door and called out, "Potter, Granger, Myrtle! Are you in there? Please unlock the door as there are people here who are concerned that you haven't put in an appearance yet today."

Silence answered him.

Professor McGonagall sniffed and said, "I didn't hear anything, either. Pound on the doors and if we hear nothing still, then we'll unlock and enter. You four, I want you to stand well away from the door and enter only if we tell you to. Understand?"

The four students dodded and stepped well back towards the stairway back into the Griffindor Common Room while the three professors pulled out their wands and stood on either side of the door. Snape the reached around and pounded on the door.

"If you don't open this door right away, Potter, you'll be facing detentions until your grandkids show up."

McGonagall and Sinistra both snickered. "Oh, that's rich, Severus." Snape shrugged.

"Not a peep. Should we go in?"

The other two professors nodded, and Snape pointed his wand at the door knob. "_**Alohomora Duo**__**!**_"

The door snicked and slowly opened. Snape glared at the students to remain where they stood and then slipped into the room, followed by the other professors.

Ron and the other students exchanged looks as they heard the various doors in the Solar being opened (often violently). They heard the unlocking charm being used again and hear a door slam back into a wall, followed by an "oh my!" from Professor McGonagall.

Professor Sinistra's head came around the main doorframe, looking a bit shocked. "They're alive and seemingly in god health, just a bit ... distracted. However, Ginny, you need to run and get Miss Pomfrey and tell her to get her, now. The rest of you, get back to the Great Hall and report to Dumbledore, then finish your lunch and get back to classes. If anyone asks, tell them what I just said and that we'll let everyone know shortly. Okay? Good, now get going. Now!"

As the students turned to head down the stairs, they heard two female voices scream softly and Harry voicing a groan.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Notes:

Sorry about making you all feel that you're in the TARDIS with a broken time-space-designator... I've been having mind-worms and decided to take the advise given in a discussion with another author about their particular manner of writing, and am grinding out chapters and part of chapters out of sequence, then coming back and tacking them together and flushing things out.

I am grinding out a few chapters in random order to clear the backlog in my brain. Hopefully, I'll have all the bits and pieces in chronological order and making sense between them.

I should go back and remove a couple of logical errors from previous chapters, but then, no one has bothered to mention these faux-pais items.

As always, I've only borrowed from the original writers and producers. They still retain full copyright privileges over their works.

Reviews and helpful suggestions are always appreciated and can spark conversations. Behaving like a troll or posting as "Guest" will be reported to the PTB or garbaged as necessary.

Great Hall, Monday, September 25th, 1995, approximately 7:30AM

Harry, Myrtle and Hermione slunk into the Great Hall as quietly as they could, certain that everyone's eyes were fixed on them and judging them. Having spent the weekend under the gentle care of Miss Pomfrey, even the Solar felt more like the Infirmary rather than an apartment.

As they walked towards their usual spot on the Gryffindor table, they caught Professor McGonagall looking at them and a slight smile of encouragement upon her lips as she nodded at them, recognizing their presence but not making a show of it or them, and applying herself to the breakfast in front of her and Professor Snape's whispered comment being made.

As they stepped over the bench and sat down, Ginny Wesley nudged her brother in the ribs, and again even harder, and a third time, putting her full strength into the elbow meeting his ribs.

"Alright, already!" came his acerbic whispered comment to his sister as he put his fork and knife down on the edge of his plate. "We were worried about you guys, especially with no one saying much of anything beyond that you were okay. The rumour mill has been running full tilt, what with no one really saying anything. Um... Ummmm... You know it's really hard to know where to start. Harry, can you give us a rundown on what's happening?"

Harry looked around at his usual tablemates: Nigel, Ron, the twins, Ginny, plus the others within earshot who were trying not to intrude but were also discretely and not-so-discretely paying attention. He then looked at Myrtle and Hermione, who nodded back at him, and sighed.

"We're not really sure of what happened. One moment, Hermione was helping Myrtle to get me out of bed." Harry blushed at this point, as did Myrtle and Hermione,and shook his head. "Well, it was supposed to be a bit of humour on Hermione's part but she didn't know that I don't wear pyjamas unless I have to. Well, after getting completely embarrassed, we actually got our acts together. I headed into the bathroom to get ready while Hermione and Myrtle headed out to the main room. There was a flash of light and the next thing that we knew Professors McGonagall, Snape and Sinistra were standing beside my bed and I was there with Myrtle and Hermione. After that, all three of us spent all weekend in the Infirmary, getting scnned every which way and being questioned about everything. That's it, well most of it."

Ginny leaned across the table and went "un-hunh, what didn't you say?"

Harry looked down at his hands and then glanced at Myrtle and Hermione. "Well, it appears that we're magically married, all three of us. And we're seemingly under the Honeymoon Spell..."

At that moment, the morning owl flock descended into the Great Hall, bringing the morning edition of the "Daily Prophet" along with the regular mail delivery. One of the Prophet owls landing in front of Harry and extended its claw with the attached edition. Harry reached out and untied the string. The paper flopped down with the main headline visible to everyone at the table.

_**Potter Is A Pervert!**_

_**Since his unsubstantiated claims the the defeated Dark Lord You-Know-Who has returned have not garnered him the fame and notoriety that he seeks, the Prophet has uncontrovertable evidence that The-Boy-Who-Lived or rather The-Boy-Who-Lied has been having his way with the former ghost Myrtle, who is now under his complete control. Not only that, but his perverted activitied now include a muggle-born female student. Be warned that the picture is shocking and should not be shown to childre, but here is proof positive that Harry Potter is not the scion that he claims that he is.**_

_**The picture shows a naked Harry Potter being serviced by his two love-slaves.**_

_**Is this the start of a new claim, possibly The-Boy-Who-F***s?**_

"Potter!" cames Professor Snape's shout from the head table. "Do not say a word. Get up and go to the Infirmary immediately. Breakfast will be sent to you and your companions there. Do not bother attending classes today."

Harry stood up with a shocked expression on his face and saw Snape standing and pointing his want at a second flock of owls that were now circling the Great Hall, all bearing red envelopes.

Professor McGonagall stood and pointed her wand at the flock and both shouted "Howleri Vanishio!" The owls peeled off their circling and headed out the door, aiming for the owlery.

"Quiet, everyone!" shouted Professor Flitwick. "Whatever the article in today's Prophet, it has stirred a hornet's nest of Howlers, some of which contain noxious substances that puts everyone here at risk. Please complete your breakfast in silence and adjourn to your classes. Potters and Granger, please go to the Infirmary as Professor Snape suggested. We'll meet with you there shortly and then we will determine the best course of action to take with this so-called news item. Until the Headmasters make a decision, no one is to speculate on the article and its claims. This is not a matter of house points but of expulsion. We had been thinking that something like this would happen."

Delores Umbridge stood up and pulled her wand out of its holster. Before she could say or do anything, Professor McGonagall hit her with a "Confundus!" and Snape countered with an "Incarcerous!" As the stunned Inquisitor collapsed basck into her chair and fell sideways, both Headmasters looked over the students and Professor McGonagall quietly spoke. "Please continue with your breakfast and go to your classes. Mister Potter, please go to the Infirmary. We will be there shortly with Miss Umbridge. Your word for today and one that you will be held accountable for is 'Circumspection'."

Infirmary, approximately 8:30AM

Harry, Myrtle and Hermione were sitting on the edge of what euphemistically could be called the Harry Potter Recovery Bedframe, with a tray on a table in front of each of them, picking at their breakfasts. On the bed across from them was the confounded and bound body of Delores Umbridge with Professor McGonagall sitting on the edge of the bed, regarding them.

Professor McGonagall twisted around and waved her wand over Umbridge and then said "I know that you're awake. If you behave yourself and not as a Ministry toady, I'll release you and we can let you in on the big secret of why you got nailed this morning. Grunt once for yes, and twice for no."

Umbridge drew a deep breath and grunted once. Minerva waited a moment for a second grunt but none appeared. Waving her wand again, she incanted "Finite, Finite".

Umbridge slowly sat up and swung her legs so that she was sitting beside Minerva. "You know that I've going to be reporting this to the Ministry."

Minerva nodded. "Perfectly within your rights."

"Miss Umbridge, you weren't here the last time that Mister Potter's name got splashed all over the front page of the Daily Prophet. Much the same thing happened and we got hundreds of owls bearing Howlers, all with Harry's name on them. It was total chaos, not just the simultaneous rantings going on, but some of them included less than savoury items. Several included hexes and curses that targeted not only Mister Potter but which included students sitting near him. In fact, Misses Weasley and Granger were struck with supurating boils, bucktooth and terminal acne hexes, which required extensive treatment in the Infirmary before they could rejoin their classes."

"Since then, we have a prescan of all incoming letters and are alerted if any letter contains such items. We do not block any incoming mail, but only ensure that it arrives in a safe and secure location. As we speak, a group of Aurors is now examining this morning's mail and determining if it is a simple piece of mail or whether it is in violation. The people who sent those items will receive a visit from the Aurors and appropriate action taken, depending upon the severity of the violation and the intent of the sender."

Umbridge thought about it for a moment and then asked, "What about the regular Howlers?"

"The recipient is provided with a summary of the content of the remaining Howlers, and is allowed to decide if they wish to receive them or not. Based upon the decision, the letter is opened at the recipient's leisure or is rendered into rose bush fertilizer. Regular mail is allowed through."

A muffled CRUMP was heard as the castle lightly shuddered. Harry shrugged and said quietly, "That was a pretty massive Howler with an exploding hex. I hope no one got hurt."

Miss Pomfrey tilted her head as she listened then shook it. "No, they've gotten better. The third Tri-Wizard Challenge must have taught them a lesson in how to handle Howlers."

Professor McGonagall flciked her copy of the morning's Daily Prophet. "Harry, something about this picture looks odd. I'm thinking that we might have been visited by a certain insect who managed to take the picture, but it doesn't look right. Can you take a minute and come with me to the Solar so I can see where the camera was and see if I can fidn anything?"

Harry thought about it and looked at his bed-mates, who nodded back.

"Sure, Professor. I don't think that I can finish it, anyway."

The two got off of theri respective beds and headed for the entrance and went down the hall in the general direction of the Solar.

Umbridge looked at the two young ladies who were playing with their food and studiously avoiding looking in her direction. "Ahen! Ahem! Are you two supposed to be watching me or am I supposed to be watching you?"

The heads on the twosome shot up and they started at Umbridge with wide eyes. Hermione gathered herself first. "I suspect that the correct answer may be 'neither', Professor."

Umbridge rolled back from her seated position and clased her hands behind her head as she laid back on the bed. "I suspect so, too. I'm going to stay here until my first class is about to start, Miss Pomfrey tells us to leave, or Headmistress McGonagall returns. You are free to do whatever you feel is appropriate." With that, she closed her eyes and relaxed.

Hermione and Myrtle looked at each other. "Hermione," started Myrtle. "I think we got left behind as well. First period is a half-hour away. What should we do?"

Hermione pushed her cart away, and shifted back so that she was on the far side of the bed and lay back, mimicing Umbridge's position. "As Professor Umbridge said, we might as well do the same. I think that in the excitement and goings-on, we've been forgotten. Might as well lie back and relax, because sure as the Lord made little green applies, if chaos is coming, it will find us, regardless of where we are."

Myrtle snickered, and lay down beside Hermione, snuggling in just a bit.

What felt like moments later

Something went "THUNK!" in the magical aether, or so it seemed. Hermione and Myrtle shot upright and started getting off of the bed. Umbridge cracked an eye and glanced in their direction.

"Pray tell me, what you're doing?" she asked.

"Didn't you feel it? Almost as if something or someone kicked the bed," Hermione responded.

Umbridge sat up and primly straightened herself at the edge of the bed. "Most assuredly, I did not."

Both girls looked at each other "Harry!"

As they started heading across the room, Umbridge likewise climbed down and padded after them. "And pray tell me, what makes you think that it is Harry and that he's in danger or trouble or whatever usually happens to him?"

Hermione shrugged and Myrtle copied her. "Nothing really, but something is going on and my gut tells me that it's Harry."

At this moment, Miss Pomfrey put in an appearance. "Where do you two think that you are going?"

"We have to find Harry!" they said in unison, and then looked at each other then back at Miss Pomfrey.

Miss Pomfrey sighed. "Until I'm told otherwise, I cannot let you leave, not without the supervision of a Professor or myself."

Myrtle looked between Miss Pomfrey and Umbridge who was walking up behind them. "Well, aren't you two coming!?"

Both older women sighed. Miss Pomfrey twitched an eyebrow at Umbridge. "Looks like you've been nominated for the next round of chaos, Professor Umbridge."

"Is it normally like this?"

"No, sometimes, it's actually very quiet around here. We'd better go and be ready to run."

"Towards or away?" Umbridge snarked.

"Doesn't matter, we're going to the Solar. NOW!" said both girls as they held the Infirmary doors open.

Outside the Solar, 8:45AM

Having collected Professors Flitwick and Sinistra and their mad dash through Hogwarts, they arrived at the hallway outside of the Solar, and found the door secured. Hermione pushed on the handle. It didn't budge.

Glancing at Professor Sinistra, she stepped aside as the Astronomy Professor pulled out her want and called "Alohomora Duo!"

The lock clicked and the door squeaked open.

Professor Sinistra looked at the girls and said "Stay here!" as the remaining professors heading into the Solar proper.

Looking around , they saw nothing out of order except for what looked like regular clutter and books lying around. Professor Sinistra looked back at the girls standing in the doorway and shrugged at them. Myrtle pointed to the bedroom door.

Professor Flitwick approached the door, taking a moment to listen, and the carefully twisted the handle and opened the door.

"Oh Harry! Put that big bad boy where no man has gone before! Right where the sun never shines! Oh! Oh! That's absolutely wonderful! Yes! Yes! Yes!"


End file.
